Brides Helping Brides ™ - sigh - updated with an apology

weddingbunny Posted: Mar 05, 2006 01:35 PM

sigh - updated with an apology

Oy, okay, I am deleting my orignal post because it seems that people completely misunderstood me, most likely because I was frustrated when I wrote my post and probably didn't write as clearly as I should have. My real complaint wasn't about people not understanding how I can spend so much money... it was about how the financial situation on Long Island makes it very difficult to have a the same wedding here for the same price you can have it elsewhere. I never meant to imply that people here don't work hard to create beautiful weddings for less, because I know that they do, and I most certainly know that not everybody on Long Island is rich (in fact, I've been getting pissed off at people from elsewhere for that stereotype for years). I think we all can agree that things here are frighteningly expensive and that it can be a struggle financially around here, and that it can be difficult for those who have not lived on Long Island to understand how it is here. I posted this originally because I had people be rude to me when I tried to explain that things just work differently here and I was frustrated. I sincerely apologize if I offended anybody, and I wish you all the best of luck with creating a beautiful wedding, no matter what your budget, because in the end it is not the budget that matters.

PaddysGirl15 Posted: Mar 05, 2006 01:38 PM

Re: sigh

I understand just how expensive it is to get married over here- that's why I am getting married somewhere else!

Nina Posted: Mar 05, 2006 03:56 PM

Re: sigh

Maybe you should be a little more open minded......Why should they understand or comprehend if they are not from or have never been to Long Island?

Listen....I am in New Mexico, so I used to be one of those people. But people out here also live ten times differently than you do out there. Its a different way of life, not necessarily better or worse, but different.

I am in that time of my life right now where I have 4 girlfriends that are getting married. And we are all planning together. One of them is a daughter of an oral surgeon, the other of a lawyer...and the other a prominent businessman in Albuquerque. And not one of them is spending over 25k. Things are just different out here. People aren't 'expected' to have an open bar, to have a venetian hour...any of that. And its not to say that they won't have a nice wedding...because I've been to plenty out here that go in the memory book.

But here's the bottom line. Its not about the $$$. You should have your dream wedding, whatever you want. And if it means a load of money or a budget of 10k, it doesn't matter, so long as the two main people involved are happy.
Long Island is very expensive...especially for weddings. But it is also our choice to spend this much on a wedding. You don't HAVE to spend all this money. There are plenty of girls on these boards that have budgets between 10-20k, and are still having amazing weddings. So its not that you can't have a wedding for that much in LI, its that you don't want to.

I'm having a ridiculous wedding with a ridiculous cocktail hour and eleven entree choices and venetian hour....Because I want to. But if I had a 10k wedding in a tent where you had to buy your own booze...that would be cool too. Because the people that are there should be there to share and celebrate in our union and happiness....because if they get annoyed we aren't offering booze...they probably shouldn't be there.

That whole 'expecting' thing, 'expecting' an open bar...'expecting' a favor, 'expecting' this and that....honestly....thats a very Long Island thing.. I have been and lived all over this world and country...and never at a wedding have I experienced that, but Long Island.

So when you get frustrated, don't. Its just a way of life, a different way of doing things.

And think....70k for a wedding in LI...you want to know why girls from out here can't fathom it?....Because thats half the price of a brand spanking new 1500 square foot starter home.....Hmmm...just food for thought.

Its nothing against you...but I've seen posts like this before, talking about how weddings are different in other places, and from someone that doesn't live in Long Island, Its bothersome. Its not that we don't understand, or don't know how to throw a party....we just party differently.

Sorry, had to vent...

PegaLega Posted: Mar 05, 2006 04:11 PM

Re: sigh

Posted by Nina

Maybe you should be a little more open minded......Why should they understand or comprehend if they are not from or have never been to Long Island?

Listen....I am in New Mexico, so I used to be one of those people. But people out here also live ten times differently than you do out there. Its a different way of life, not necessarily better or worse, but different.

I am in that time of my life right now where I have 4 girlfriends that are getting married. And we are all planning together. One of them is a daughter of an oral surgeon, the other of a lawyer...and the other a prominent businessman in Albuquerque. And not one of them is spending over 25k. Things are just different out here. People aren't 'expected' to have an open bar, to have a venetian hour...any of that. And its not to say that they won't have a nice wedding...because I've been to plenty out here that go in the memory book.

But here's the bottom line. Its not about the $$$. You should have your dream wedding, whatever you want. And if it means a load of money or a budget of 10k, it doesn't matter, so long as the two main people involved are happy.
Long Island is very expensive...especially for weddings. But it is also our choice to spend this much on a wedding. You don't HAVE to spend all this money. There are plenty of girls on these boards that have budgets between 10-20k, and are still having amazing weddings. So its not that you can't have a wedding for that much in LI, its that you don't want to.

I'm having a ridiculous wedding with a ridiculous cocktail hour and eleven entree choices and venetian hour....Because I want to. But if I had a 10k wedding in a tent where you had to buy your own booze...that would be cool too. Because the people that are there should be there to share and celebrate in our union and happiness....because if they get annoyed we aren't offering booze...they probably shouldn't be there.

That whole 'expecting' thing, 'expecting' an open bar...'expecting' a favor, 'expecting' this and that....honestly....thats a very Long Island thing.. I have been and lived all over this world and country...and never at a wedding have I experienced that, but Long Island.

So when you get frustrated, don't. Its just a way of life, a different way of doing things.

And think....70k for a wedding in LI...you want to know why girls from out here can't fathom it?....Because thats half the price of a brand spanking new 1500 square foot starter home.....Hmmm...just food for thought.

Its nothing against you...but I've seen posts like this before, talking about how weddings are different in other places, and from someone that doesn't live in Long Island, Its bothersome. Its not that we don't understand, or don't know how to throw a party....we just party differently.

Sorry, had to vent...

I HAVE TO AGREE!
Im sorry I grew up in NY and I live in SC now! I am planning my weddnig for NY and going to have guests from other states and places! NO ONE SHOULD EXPECT ANYTHING! Maybe the problem isnt the money or what is expected maybe the problem is you truly cant see spending the money-change you date, cut your guest list, dont have a big wedding! Your wedding and what it is is up to you. Dont choose anything to PLEASE anyone but yourself!!!

PaddysGirl15 Posted: Mar 05, 2006 04:25 PM

Re: sigh

Well put Nina- and I just want to add that my friend planned a beautiful wedding on Long Island for just under 12k- so it's possible!

ETA: It is aggravating that some people judge a wedding by its price tag- more expensive does not mean a better wedding!

espresso Posted: Mar 05, 2006 04:54 PM

Re: sigh

ya this is all very true. my sister had her wedding in LI and spent around 15k. I am doing a lot of things she didnt just because I want to, but I could cut them out and save $$

You end up spending money because you want those things, not because it's necessary. But thats ok, cus it's your wedding and you should have it your way!!

werock0709 Posted: Mar 05, 2006 06:06 PM

Re: sigh

Ok... I'm siding with Nina here, and not because she's my friend, but because the basis of YOUR vent seems to be that your used to things, or used to seeing or hearing about things that cost much less in other places Thats the truth anywhere in this world. LI happens to be a VERY expensive place, and trust me when I tell you that we're on a budget as many of us girls are. But..... for you to blatently complain about how things are done here, and how much they cost is a matter of opinion, and thats fine. Not everybody is getting their way the whole way around for their wedding. IT'S WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT AND THE COMPANY YOU KEEP!!!!!!! I can't stress that enough. Many people here are extremely practical, and others are getting the help they need to just get by. I didn't hear you once give credit to any of those girls.Please be aware of how you word things, as they may and will affect many of us here. Sorry if I came off harsh, but it's not like everyone here on LI has money. I'm trying my hardest to save for this wedding, and quite frankly I basicly work for free after I send payments to vendors. There are worse things going on in this world than to be worried about a materialistic word called MONEY!!!

weddingbunny Posted: Mar 05, 2006 08:39 PM

Re: sigh

Posted by PaddysGirl15

I understand just how expensive it is to get married over here- that's why I am getting married somewhere else!

well, that's one approach!

weddingbunny Posted: Mar 05, 2006 08:50 PM

Re: sigh

Posted by Nina

Maybe you should be a little more open minded......Why should they understand or comprehend if they are not from or have never been to Long Island?

Listen....I am in New Mexico, so I used to be one of those people. But people out here also live ten times differently than you do out there. Its a different way of life, not necessarily better or worse, but different.

I am in that time of my life right now where I have 4 girlfriends that are getting married. And we are all planning together. One of them is a daughter of an oral surgeon, the other of a lawyer...and the other a prominent businessman in Albuquerque. And not one of them is spending over 25k. Things are just different out here. People aren't 'expected' to have an open bar, to have a venetian hour...any of that. And its not to say that they won't have a nice wedding...because I've been to plenty out here that go in the memory book.

But here's the bottom line. Its not about the $$$. You should have your dream wedding, whatever you want. And if it means a load of money or a budget of 10k, it doesn't matter, so long as the two main people involved are happy.
Long Island is very expensive...especially for weddings. But it is also our choice to spend this much on a wedding. You don't HAVE to spend all this money. There are plenty of girls on these boards that have budgets between 10-20k, and are still having amazing weddings. So its not that you can't have a wedding for that much in LI, its that you don't want to.

I'm having a ridiculous wedding with a ridiculous cocktail hour and eleven entree choices and venetian hour....Because I want to. But if I had a 10k wedding in a tent where you had to buy your own booze...that would be cool too. Because the people that are there should be there to share and celebrate in our union and happiness....because if they get annoyed we aren't offering booze...they probably shouldn't be there.

That whole 'expecting' thing, 'expecting' an open bar...'expecting' a favor, 'expecting' this and that....honestly....thats a very Long Island thing.. I have been and lived all over this world and country...and never at a wedding have I experienced that, but Long Island.

So when you get frustrated, don't. Its just a way of life, a different way of doing things.

And think....70k for a wedding in LI...you want to know why girls from out here can't fathom it?....Because thats half the price of a brand spanking new 1500 square foot starter home.....Hmmm...just food for thought.

Its nothing against you...but I've seen posts like this before, talking about how weddings are different in other places, and from someone that doesn't live in Long Island, Its bothersome. Its not that we don't understand, or don't know how to throw a party....we just party differently.

Sorry, had to vent...

I understand all that - but the point is that things ARE different here, and while I completely respect how people do things elsewhere (and honestly, I'm a bit jealous sometimes) it gets frustrating when people are rude to me about how I am doing things because of how things are done here.
I'm not so sure the 'expecting' is completely Long Island, it seems a lot of these things are expected elsewhere to, but the point is that people get rude to me when I try to explain that it's a regional thing. I would never be rude to somebody else for having a different kind of wedding just because that's not how I'm used to seeing it done, so it upsets me when people are like that to me.

I don't expect people to understand how we do things here, I personally don't even always understand how we do things here, I just get upset when people get obnoxious about it just because they don't understand it. This post stemmed from a thread along those lines on another board I read, so I was just kind of annoyed and venting to a group of people who I thought might understand. The truth is that if you aren't from around here you will never understand what it's like to live here, and how frustrating this environment can be at times. But this is home, this is where my family is, and I don't want to leave it, so I'm stuck to deal with that fact and I was hoping for some moral support.

I NEVER planned on spending this much money on my wedding... but I wanted a wedding that felt good to me, that felt like ME, and in order to get that I have to spend this kind of money. It *****, but there you go.

kaybeeber Posted: Mar 05, 2006 09:01 PM

Re: sigh

My FH's aunt (and good friend) said something so wise to me just the other day. She had just come from a beautiful Long Island wedding at Oheka Castle and said 'At the end of the day, you're still married'.

I keep that in my head when I think that this whole thing becomes more about a wedding, than a marriage. We've opted to have a smaller wedding, and just have those who are closest to us there.

It may sound cheesy, but when I think of my wedding, I get most excited thinking about seeing my FH right as I walk down the aisle. Knowing that all those people are there because they love us and want us to be happy!
I can't wait!

Nina Posted: Mar 05, 2006 09:06 PM

Re: sigh

Posted by kaybeeber

My FH's aunt (and good friend) said something so wise to me just the other day. She had just come from a beautiful Long Island wedding at Oheka Castle and said 'At the end of the day, you're still married'.

I keep that in my head when I think that this whole thing becomes more about a wedding, than a marriage. We've opted to have a smaller wedding, and just have those who are closest to us there.

It may sound cheesy, but when I think of my wedding, I get most excited thinking about seeing my FH right as I walk down the aisle. Knowing that all those people are there because they love us and want us to be happy!
I can't wait!

Word.....
And thats what it is all about

weddingbunny Posted: Mar 05, 2006 09:07 PM

Re: sigh

Posted by kaybeeber

My FH's aunt (and good friend) said something so wise to me just the other day. She had just come from a beautiful Long Island wedding at Oheka Castle and said 'At the end of the day, you're still married'.

I keep that in my head when I think that this whole thing becomes more about a wedding, than a marriage. We've opted to have a smaller wedding, and just have those who are closest to us there.

It may sound cheesy, but when I think of my wedding, I get most excited thinking about seeing my FH right as I walk down the aisle. Knowing that all those people are there because they love us and want us to be happy!
I can't wait!

That's pretty much how I think of it... although I think of it more about celebrating with my family, and the look on my dad's face when he walks me down the aisle, and how my mom will cry, and maybe dancing a dance with my grandfather (I pray, although I don't think he'll still be on his feet by then, he has ALS), and then starting a beautiful new life together with my new husband...

I almost wish I could have a smaller wedding than I'm having, it just didn't turn out that way, and I am very grateful to be getting what I have.

werock0709 Posted: Mar 05, 2006 09:10 PM

Re: sigh

Posted by Nina

Posted by kaybeeber

My FH's aunt (and good friend) said something so wise to me just the other day. She had just come from a beautiful Long Island wedding at Oheka Castle and said 'At the end of the day, you're still married'.

I keep that in my head when I think that this whole thing becomes more about a wedding, than a marriage. We've opted to have a smaller wedding, and just have those who are closest to us there.

It may sound cheesy, but when I think of my wedding, I get most excited thinking about seeing my FH right as I walk down the aisle. Knowing that all those people are there because they love us and want us to be happy!
I can't wait!

And the people with whom you stay close are the people who can care less how much money you spend. Amen to you sister
Word.....
And thats what it is all about

Athee07 Posted: Mar 05, 2006 09:19 PM

Re: sigh - updated with an apology

Posted by weddingbunny

Oy, okay, I am deleting my orignal post because it seems that people completely misunderstood me, most likely because I was frustrated when I wrote my post and probably didn't write as clearly as I should have. My real complaint wasn't about people not understanding how I can spend so much money... it was about how the financial situation on Long Island makes it very difficult to have a the same wedding here for the same price you can have it elsewhere. I never meant to imply that people here don't work hard to create beautiful weddings for less, because I know that they do, and I most certainly know that not everybody on Long Island is rich (in fact, I've been getting pissed off at people from elsewhere for that stereotype for years). I think we all can agree that things here are frighteningly expensive and that it can be a struggle financially around here, and that it can be difficult for those who have not lived on Long Island to understand how it is here. I posted this originally because I had people be rude to me when I tried to explain that things just work differently here and I was frustrated. I sincerely apologize if I offended anybody, and I wish you all the best of luck with creating a beautiful wedding, no matter what your budget, because in the end it is not the budget that matters.

no hard feelings- we still love ya

weddingbunny Posted: Mar 05, 2006 09:22 PM

Re: sigh - updated with an apology

Posted by Athee07

Posted by weddingbunny

Oy, okay, I am deleting my orignal post because it seems that people completely misunderstood me, most likely because I was frustrated when I wrote my post and probably didn't write as clearly as I should have. My real complaint wasn't about people not understanding how I can spend so much money... it was about how the financial situation on Long Island makes it very difficult to have a the same wedding here for the same price you can have it elsewhere. I never meant to imply that people here don't work hard to create beautiful weddings for less, because I know that they do, and I most certainly know that not everybody on Long Island is rich (in fact, I've been getting pissed off at people from elsewhere for that stereotype for years). I think we all can agree that things here are frighteningly expensive and that it can be a struggle financially around here, and that it can be difficult for those who have not lived on Long Island to understand how it is here. I posted this originally because I had people be rude to me when I tried to explain that things just work differently here and I was frustrated. I sincerely apologize if I offended anybody, and I wish you all the best of luck with creating a beautiful wedding, no matter what your budget, because in the end it is not the budget that matters.

no hard feelings- we still love ya

aw, thanks! I just really hate when people get the wrong idea about me... I've been fighting the 'you must be a spoiled rich kid since you're from Long Island' stigma for so long that I get kind of sensitive about it because that's SO not me, so I just didn't want anybody to think that of me.

jnrrb Posted: Mar 05, 2006 09:27 PM

Re: sigh - updated with an apology

Posted by weddingbunny

Oy, okay, I am deleting my orignal post because it seems that people completely misunderstood me, most likely because I was frustrated when I wrote my post and probably didn't write as clearly as I should have. My real complaint wasn't about people not understanding how I can spend so much money... it was about how the financial situation on Long Island makes it very difficult to have a the same wedding here for the same price you can have it elsewhere. I never meant to imply that people here don't work hard to create beautiful weddings for less, because I know that they do, and I most certainly know that not everybody on Long Island is rich (in fact, I've been getting pissed off at people from elsewhere for that stereotype for years). I think we all can agree that things here are frighteningly expensive and that it can be a struggle financially around here, and that it can be difficult for those who have not lived on Long Island to understand how it is here. I posted this originally because I had people be rude to me when I tried to explain that things just work differently here and I was frustrated. I sincerely apologize if I offended anybody, and I wish you all the best of luck with creating a beautiful wedding, no matter what your budget, because in the end it is not the budget that matters.

I read you old post and knew exactly what you were getting at. You were right Long Island is crazy when it comes to weddings and other people around the world just don't understand.