Sister Drama continues... (long)

Perhaps you remember about a week ago my sister /Moh wrote me something saying she couldnt afford her bridemaid dress and telling me that I should be doing more to help her out. Meanwhile, she is always spending money and even having a girls night in the city tonight.

I wrote her a response basically saying that while I was upset bc ive been engaged for more than a year and so she has had plenty of time to figure this stuff out, but I also said that I love her and want her there no matter what and that I understand if she doesnt have the money.

She has not responded to me and is now ignoring all of my calls, emails and fb messages. Im very upset about this. I feel like she is jealous of my happiness bc she went though a messy divorce and is now unable to be supportive in anyway. I cant believe that she is taking this situation this far. To make matters worse I am having people over to celebrate my upcoming bday tomorrow and so I guess she is not coming to that either.

I dont know how to handle this situation.

WOW! That's awful!!! I'd put it to her this way- when she got married did she pay for the BM dresses? I understand she's going through a tough time but that's no reason to rain on your parade. Don't let her bad attitude ruin your b-day or your wedding!

My MOH told me she can't afford a dress either. She's literally wearing a hand me down of mine. She's known about this wedding (and that she was going to be MOH) since before I was engaged in November 2008. 18 MONTHS! And she couldn't manage to scrape together $150. I have no patience for this.

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Posted by jilliibabii

WOW! That's awful!!! I'd put it to her this way- when she got married did she pay for the BM dresses? I understand she's going through a tough time but that's no reason to rain on your parade. Don't let her bad attitude ruin your b-day or your wedding!

My MOH told me she can't afford a dress either. She's literally wearing a hand me down of mine. She's known about this wedding (and that she was going to be MOH) since before I was engaged in November 2008. 18 MONTHS! And she couldn't manage to scrape together $150. I have no patience for this.

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She got married in city hall - so no bm dresses. I feel like she wants me to offer to pay but she has been so rude about this whole thing - and hasnt done anything supportive- that I dont want to. I put the down payments for my nieces dresses bc she didnt. Ugh... this is a mess.

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Posted by Windy

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Posted by jilliibabii

WOW! That's awful!!! I'd put it to her this way- when she got married did she pay for the BM dresses? I understand she's going through a tough time but that's no reason to rain on your parade. Don't let her bad attitude ruin your b-day or your wedding!

My MOH told me she can't afford a dress either. She's literally wearing a hand me down of mine. She's known about this wedding (and that she was going to be MOH) since before I was engaged in November 2008. 18 MONTHS! And she couldn't manage to scrape together $150. I have no patience for this.

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She got married in city hall - so no bm dresses. I feel like she wants me to offer to pay but she has been so rude about this whole thing - and hasnt done anything supportive- that I dont want to. I put the down payments for my nieces dresses bc she didnt. Ugh... this is a mess.

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Seriously, you should not have to pay for her dress. She's an adult and you've given her more than enough notice. You expect this kinda thing from friends, but family? C'mon. Sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I had some good advice for you. Just hang in there!

I'm sorry you are going through this. My sister already told me she isn't coming.




I think you may need to stop being Ms. Nice Girl and be like either you are in the wedding or you are not. Tell her it's not your responsibility to buy HER dress.

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Posted by SoontobeGallagher

I'm sorry you are going through this. My sister already told me she isn't coming.




I think you may need to stop being Ms. Nice Girl and be like either you are in the wedding or you are not. Tell her it's not your responsibility to buy HER dress.

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But what did you say to your sister when she said she wasnt coming? Do u think she means it? I feel so upset about this right now.

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Posted by Windy

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Posted by SoontobeGallagher

I'm sorry you are going through this. My sister already told me she isn't coming.




I think you may need to stop being Ms. Nice Girl and be like either you are in the wedding or you are not. Tell her it's not your responsibility to buy HER dress.

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But what did you say to your sister when she said she wasnt coming? Do u think she means it? I feel so upset about this right now.

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I said that's fine I don't need someone who is going to bring me down on my day. As of right now she said she means it, but she wants me to beg her and ask her to come and that's just not going to happen. I'm not the begging type. lol

I know all about sister drama! My sister and I butt heads all the time.

The one good thing about her being your MOH is that because she's your sister, she really can't flake on you... I doubt your family will let her. I think she's perhaps the one person you can be 100% totally honest with. Tell her exactly how you feel, lay the guilt trip on her... The worst thing she can do is say she won't come to your wedding, and like I said, I doubt your family will allow her to do so.

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Posted by whispersamethyst

I know all about sister drama! My sister and I butt heads all the time.

The one good thing about her being your MOH is that because she's your sister, she really can't flake on you... I doubt your family will let her. I think she's perhaps the one person you can be 100% totally honest with. Tell her exactly how you feel, lay the guilt trip on her... The worst thing she can do is say she won't come to your wedding, and like I said, I doubt your family will allow her to do so.

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Actually I have a family like no other - everyone is always fighting and not speaking to one another. My parents are not sure they are coming because 'that kind of thing is just not them'. No one will do anything if she doesnt come. I feel like im being punished for trying to be happy.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear that! It always amazes me when other people rain on other's happiness.

But I think you should still talk to your sister and let her know how you feel. Just do so in a way that praises her, yet tells her that you need her to pull through for you on this very important occasion. For instance, express to her how much it means to you that she's your MOH, and that she'll be there for you when your parents might very well not be. How important it is to have her around to help alleviate some of your wedding stress... and then sneak in that one of the ways she can do that is by saving up to buy her own dress, since you and FH are paying for the whole wedding.

HTH

WOW, I feel like your venting about the same things I wish I could!!! Your sister/MOH sounds just like mine. Today she ruined my day when one of my BM's tried to plan my bach party. I am SO angry that I am now not even having one.

I have an idea, if you be my MOH I will be yours??? And I won't complain one bit!!!

First...the hugs



Now, I am the oldest of 5 and 3 of which are sisters. I am only having 1 in my BP. There comes a time where you have to put yourself first, you aren't be selfish, its your day. You shouldn't be bending over backwards to please everyone or pay someone else's way. Especially when they can afford to do other less important things in the process. Its an insult that she doesn't realize how rude and insensitive that comes across to you.

That being said, I personally would call her out on being selfish and self serving if she comes back at you. I know you want her to be happy for you and to share your amazing wedding with, but she is not in a good place and may not mean to be less happy for you, but may feel sad about her own situation. I still don't think she should treat you like this, but perhaps it would be kinder to let her bow out if 'weddings' make her sad. Just act like you're doing her a favor...and be the bigger person. She can still be such an important part of your day...just in a diff capacity.