Smells like haters...a bit long

I would like others' opinions on the following matter. I seem to have so much wedding drama coming from all ends! LOL......I know our wedding will be much better than our siblings' but we just get so upset at ignorant remarks and stupid comments!
If many of you don't know, FH and I have been planning our wedding for a little over 8 months. Initially we wanted to get married in March, but decided to push it back because of family advise and the fact that many family and friends would not be in town. So we set our date in July.....Of course, I wasn't thinking about the date, or that my stepsis had been planning her wedding for 2 yrs. and I totally forgot her date, simply because we weren't in speaking terms. Also, it really didn't matter to me because many of the relatives that she was inviting to her wedding were not invited to mine, and vice versa. Well it seems like it's been a competition w/ her from day one, from the date, to the dress, location, registry, invitations and honeymoon!
Well one of my FBILs proclaimed he had no intention of getting married anytime soon....Well to our surprise, he and his FI planned to marry in 2 months and of all months...March (our proposed month) They were recently married and the wedding was nice but since it was so poorly planned, much was lacking.
Yesterday, FH went to visit another bro. He saw the married bro there also....They began talking about our wedding. FBIL began talking about how his wedding was this and his wedding was that...and nothing is better than his. FH felt like he was trying to put our wedding out to be a piece of crap. He began talking about the location, and DJ etc. Like his bro was despondent when FH mentioned that we're renting a limo so that his family didn't have to drive. Also we spoke of the garter toss, and the bok toss...he was like huh...This really bothered FH and I reminded FH of all the good things about our wedding, and how we are different individuals and how they didn't have certain things b/c his SIL was previously married, so I'm sure she didn't care to repeat certain things.
I want FH to feel better about our decisions while still maintain a relationship w/ his brother. I too want to maintain my relationship w/ these individuals and not put my fist down their throats...like I'm tempted to do.
Any suggestions as to how to handle these haters?

I understand how you feel.

We are doing a very simple wedding, basically because we are paying for it ourselves. FH cousin recently had her wedding and her parents FH aunt spent well over $100,000 on it. I almost wanted to cancel our wedding and just elope because I felt like I wouldn't measure up to the wedding and that I would be comparing mine to hers. But after a lot of soul searching I realized that my wedding iwll be special because it is my wedding. and I shouldn't really care about what other people think about my wedding.

It is YOUR day, who cares about your in laws wedding. My best advice is to focus on your BEAUTIFUL day and the details that you are putting into it to make it special for YOU and FH. I think as brides we spend way too much time focusing on what other people have done, are doing or will think. Focus on making your day as special to the two of you as you can!!

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Posted by FullersBride

I understand how you feel.

We are doing a very simple wedding, basically because we are paying for it ourselves. FH cousin recently had her wedding and her parents FH aunt spent well over $100,000 on it. I almost wanted to cancel our wedding and just elope because I felt like I wouldn't measure up to the wedding and that I would be comparing mine to hers. But after a lot of soul searching I realized that my wedding iwll be special because it is my wedding. and I shouldn't really care about what other people think about my wedding.

It is YOUR day, who cares about your in laws wedding. My best advice is to focus on your BEAUTIFUL day and the details that you are putting into it to make it special for YOU and FH. I think as brides we spend way too much time focusing on what other people have done, are doing or will think. Focus on making your day as special to the two of you as you can!!

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completely agree! Your day is going to be wonderful, really don't even think about hers!

Haters is right! You guys need to just keep your focus on you. Ignore them all. It's pointless to get all frazzled.

well, I wouldn't call them HATERS... but they are petty and competitive....

FH's siblings are like this... they are happy for you as long as they think theirs is BETTER.... if yours is similar to theirs, you hear grandiose comments and bragging.... almost a marketing campaign for why theirs is better... if yours is better, you literally hear grumbling in their underbreath and then silence.



Just tell FH that his siblings attitude and perspective is born out of envy and is fed by feelings of inadequacy.... It has nothing to do with him or you. If anything, you should quietly pity his siblings for having such a miserable and envious existence... After all, they're likely like that EVERY DAY.... with anyone in a new car triggering tooth grinding....

most of all, you should celebrate that you are both NOT like that... rather, you are happy where you are, and in love with one another....

Ignore it-yes i know what you are talking about....but I say it and you are allowed to say it 'YOUR WEDDING WILL BE THE BEST BECAUSE ITS YOURS' yes, it seems like when you put a bunch of people together that are getting married it becomes a competition when it shouldnt be!

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Posted by FullersBride

I understand how you feel.

We are doing a very simple wedding, basically because we are paying for it ourselves. FH cousin recently had her wedding and her parents FH aunt spent well over $100,000 on it. I almost wanted to cancel our wedding and just elope because I felt like I wouldn't measure up to the wedding and that I would be comparing mine to hers. But after a lot of soul searching I realized that my wedding iwll be special because it is my wedding. and I shouldn't really care about what other people think about my wedding.

It is YOUR day, who cares about your in laws wedding. My best advice is to focus on your BEAUTIFUL day and the details that you are putting into it to make it special for YOU and FH. I think as brides we spend way too much time focusing on what other people have done, are doing or will think. Focus on making your day as special to the two of you as you can!!

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I couldn't have said it any better!

Sorry about all this.

You and fh should be secure in knowing that this is your special day and it doesnt matter what it is to anyone else! The only thing that matters is what it will mean to you and fh. Ppl will always chime in unwanted. I think its best not to play into it by even engaging in these wedding conversations with families sometimes. You two focus on your day and your planning and try your best to tune the rest out. I know easier said than done. But all of this annoying banter really wont matter in the end!!

Best wishes

I don't quite understand what you're saying--is your FH upset because you're doing things, or having things, or not having them? Or is he upset because his brother is being childish and competitive? Whatever the reason, if he was happy before with your decisions, he should still be happy with them, no matter what others have done. Everyone's wedding will be a bit different. You make your choices as to what you want and what you can afford at YOUR wedding. If he wants to have or leave out the bouquet or garter toss--whatever. Do what makes you happy. If it's a question of money, well, there's not a lot you can do about that. You have the amount you have, all you can do is make it the most beautiful, personal wedding you can on your budget. And the really important thing is that you guys love each other and you're going to get married and celebrate that with your family and friends. No one else's wedding can be as special to you--not until your kids grow up and get married, anyway!

And if what he's upset about is his brother's competitiveness, well, I've noticed myself that weddings bring out the worst--and best--in people. Sometimes even in the same person. It's very weird. You don't want to hear what's going on with my and my FH's families. He should just accept his brother's behavior as natural, and not worry about it. Concentrate on making your wedding as beautiful as possible. Because what people remember later is how much in love the couple was, how touching their ceremony was, and how much fun they had at the reception. Those things are totally down to you guys personally, not what you can buy. Good luck!