So confused... Please help...

Ok ladies, I just need to vent, and also need opinions...
I found out yesterday that my brother and his family won't be able to come to my wedding, because his wife just found out she is pregnant, and due a month before my wedding.

They live in Austria, so the traveling isn't an option with a one month old (and they have a duaghter who will be 2 then). They told me awhile ago that they wanted to have another baby soon and I asked them if they could either try get pregnant in the fall (2009) or wait until the late spring 2010, so that they could come to the wedding. Apparently this was not do-able for them and they got pregnant right smack in the middle of the worst possible time.
My brother was supposed to walk me down the aisle (our father passed away a few years ago), his wife was supposed to be a bridesmaid, and his daughter was supposed to be my flower girl. Now he says they are all not coming.... We didn't have a long conversation about it b/c I rushed off the phone so that I wouldn't start crying and make him feel bad...
I can't decide if I should be angry or not...
Or if I should try to postpone the wedding or not...
FH says he doens't really want to postpone but he will still support me in whatever decision I make... We are supposed ot be sending out save-the-dates in the next couple of weeks and I need to make this decision befroe then...
I'm not sure if I can hanlde my wedding without my dad AND my brother... But we really wanted a fall wedding, and we do not want to wait until fall 2011, and put our entire lives on hold...
Maybe I shoudl just leave it as it is, since he dind't take us into consideration maybe I shoudlnt' consider him... But really I am considering ME b/c I want him there...
Was it selfish of me to expect them to protect themselves for a few months so that they could come to my wedding?
What would YOU do?
(Sorry so long...)

I am sorry you are upset, but I don't think there is much you can do, aside from postpone the wedding if you want them to be there. Before you do that, however, I would make absolutely sure that they are available and will make it to the postponed date. If they aren't able to come a month later or even two months later, then you shouldn't have to postpone your life event any longer than that for them, unfortunately. Both are major life events and they have made theirs their priority so you have to do the same. I would talk to your brother though, surely he understands how hard this is for you, especially given the situation regarding your father. Good luck.

ETA: maybe your brother can come solo?

that su cks

i don't think you should be angry with your brother ... just sad that he won't be able to make it.

Could you maybe have the wedding a month earlier?

good luck figuring things out.

Honestly...you can't ask people to rearrange their lives just because you are getting married. Wouldn't you be offended if someone told you that you couldn't do something with your body when YOU wanted to?

If I were you, I'd talk to your brother about just him coming alone, or possibly with your niece. It ***** that your SIL & the newborn won't be able to come, but why cant your bro at least come by himself?? I don't see any reason why that shouldn't be possible.

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Posted by CappyGirl

I am sorry you are upset, but I don't think there is much you can do, aside from postpone the wedding if you want them to be there. Before you do that, however, I would make absolutely sure that they are available and will make it to the postponed date. If they aren't able to come a month later or even two months later, then you shouldn't have to postpone your life event any longer than that for them, unfortunately. Both are major life events and they have made theirs their priority so you have to do the same. I would talk to your brother though, surely he understands how hard this is for you, especially given the situation regarding your father. Good luck.

ETA: maybe your brother can come solo?

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ITA. But really get your thoughts together before calling him and if you don't think you can handle the call, start with writing him a letter/email. I'm sorry. That stinks, but don't let it ruin this wonderful time for you!

It probably won't be easy on your SIL but is it too much to ask for your brother to make it by himself? Not saying that you won't miss her there but it will be more important if he is there...though its not easy travel for him, I would think that he would want to be there.

You can't really expect people to not try to get pregnant before your wedding (we joked about it and now actually have 4 people due right before the wedding) but you can expect him to try to make the trip without the rest of his family...

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Posted by MikesBride2B

Honestly...you can't ask people to rearrange their lives just because you are getting married. Wouldn't you be offended if someone told you that you couldn't do something with your body when YOU wanted to?

If I were you, I'd talk to your brother about just him coming alone, or possibly with your niece. It ***** that your SIL & the newborn won't be able to come, but why cant your bro at least come by himself?? I don't see any reason why that shouldn't be possible.

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I'm not sure if he'd come alone and especially with the 2yr old b/c he is not a good flyer and I don't knwo if he'd fly by himself.
I shoudl mention that I flew there for his wedding, AND planned (with my mother and sisters) a wedding here for him and his wife, without his help.
I do need to call and takl to him again, and see if i can convince him, I guess....

I understand that it is upsetting to you and I'm sorry that you are upset, but you cannot be angry at all for this. IMO it is rude to ask people to stop trying to get pregnant - to ask them to put their lives on hold - because it will affect your wedding day.

I don't think you should postpone. Enjoy your big day with the family and friends who are able to make it, and know that your brother and his newly extended family will be thinking of you.

I would speak with your brother and ask him if he would consider coming with your niece. I know it will be hard for your SIL to take care of a newborn and 2 yr old, so maybe he can do this... or even come a month later. It will still be Fall and it will give him 2 motnhs to get into a routine with the new baby. I am assuming that maybe he cannot make it b/c or work? He will probably take off to assist in the baby's arrival and maybe will not have enough time?

Anyway...I would first speak with your venue to see if you can move the date...what dates are available if so... then speak with your brother and give him options. I also wanted a Fall wedding and moved it to May so my brother can attend. I know how important it is and I preferred to have him there than not. In the end...I am very happy we changed our date.

The flip side... you can always go to Austria for your HM and have a small ceremony there with him and his family... best of both worlds?

HTH

Try not to be angry. I know it's hard since you lost your dad and now your brother won't be there also, but if now was good for them to plan to have a baby and it happened to occur now, there's not much you can do. How would you ahve felt if they asked you not to plan your wedding until after they had the baby? You would have been like no effing way. Well, I know I would have.

Anyway, is there any pssible way your brother could come by himself for 2 days and go right back home? Maybe that's something your family should talk about.

Personally, I wouldn't postpone. Things happen and are meant to be the way they are. Try not to lett his ruin all your plans.