So funny. . .
I can't remember the last time I ever laughed so hard! I received this email today:
Subject: Mind Your Tongue
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a ********?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of
golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I
like playing with men's balls.'
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at thedisplay case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now'she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned
that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, 'PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE.' That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'THUMBTACKS.' In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH
IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?'
Diane E. Amov
Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems
with potty training and I was on him constantly. One
day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining
room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No.' I kept thinking, 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo! I asked one more time, 'Danny, did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked ! to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2
days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Subject: Mind Your Tongue
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a ********?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of
golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I
like playing with men's balls.'
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at thedisplay case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now'she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned
that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, 'PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE.' That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'THUMBTACKS.' In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH
IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?'
Diane E. Amov
Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems
with potty training and I was on him constantly. One
day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining
room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No.' I kept thinking, 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo! I asked one more time, 'Danny, did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked ! to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2
days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
