As some of you know. I was engaged several years ago. You may also know he was a drug dealer and very abusive. On our 4 year anniversary I came home to find him dead. I was sooooo close to his family, even though they did not know of his abuse or drug issues. After he passed away I moved from FL to Georgia where my parents had moved. 2 yrs later I met my amazing fh. He is a dream come true aand treats me like a princess and I could not be happier with my life right now. Well, I was trying to keep in touch with late fiance sister because we were best friends, but it was hard because it brought of bad memories and they looked alike so everytime I say her I picture him the day I found him and it made me go into a depression. We she called the today. She knows about fh and I finally got the nerve to tell her we were getting married. She blew up and said I was a piece of Sh*t and that I never loved her brother. How could I do this to him and so much more I don't even want to say. Well I said. Did you want me to sit in a corner and die, and never be happy? It's not like I could say , I love him but he beat the crap out of me on a daily basis, took my paycheck and I had to beg for a dollar of it, or how he hit me with my own car when I tried to leave him. but I could not leave her with those memories of her dead brother, Anyway she hung up on me and said she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. I am so broken hearted I don't know what to do. Any advise?
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
I think it sounds like you suffered enough while you were with him and with finding him dead - you do NOT need to still keep dealing with this. You and his sister have drifted apart and she doesn't know the full story at all. I would let it go. It's not worth the heartache to try to make her understand - she won't without knowing the full story, and quite frankly, it's been long enough that I would try to just drop all contact with her and the rest of his family.
You are happy now, with a wonderful FH. Focus on that and not on the rantings of a person who feels hurt and is trying to hurt YOU with her words.
PS: I'm so happy you have found a person who treats you like you deserve to be treated!
EverlovingEv
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
I'm really sorry.
I don't think you should try to reach out to his sister and I definitely don't think you should tell her what her brother did to you. That would just make her angry and I personally don't think any good will come of it.
Try to focus on your new relationship and try to forget the past. You know that you loved her brother and that's all that should matter. Life goes on and you don't need to explain that to anyone.
Good luck
jennandrolo
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Shes being ridiculous. She has to know that you werent going to sit around miserable. Its not like her brother left and is coming back, hes dead. Your still alive and you need to celebrate that. You happened to find a great FH after the abuse your ex put you through and you deserve it.
Christys0925
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Thank you ladies. I had not talked to her in so long and she just called out of the blue. My mom said the same thing, that I should drop contact completly, it's just hard they were just such a big part of my life for such a long time. I think that if they really loved me they would want me to be happy.
ksl268
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
It sounds like the relationship with her has reached the end. I don't think she fully understands what you went thru with her brother. She is probably hurt that her brother has passed on and she deals with that everyday (I imagine) and your life has moved forward. You have found hapiness and you deserve it.
kat107
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
I think the fact that you immediately knew not to tell her about your awful experiences with her brother speaks VOLUMES about your character; you sound like a wonderful person. I agree with PP that the relationship with her has run its course, and is over now. It's sad that it ended on such a negative note, but it's your time to move forward with the exciting, happy things that you deserve. Have a happy wedding, and a happy life.
Mich0621
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Wow, that is horrible! Do you still talk to former fiance's parents? If so, just explain that you are hurt, and you loved their son very much, but you need to move on as a part of the grieving process. You have gone through so much, and I think she is speaking out of anger, but she is out of line...best thing you can do is speak to someone and close that chapter of your life...you are doing nothing wrong and you deserve to be happy!
naps714
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Anyone who would speak to you like that is not someone you need in your life!!!! Close that book in your life and enjoy every momment with your FH!!! You deserve happiness!
SOTHISISLOVE53109
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
In my opinion, you have a great man in your life now - i would just let the relationship with her go. As you already stated it is hard for you to look at her also if she isn't happy for you it doesn't make her much of a friend. GL:
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
wow that is so horrible and selfish for her to say that..what does she expect you to never get married, or find true love, and sit around being miserable about everything that has happened..im so sorry your going through this...but i think you should move on and break ties with her..it sounds like its too painful and in this case another stressor..
Christys0925
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Posted by Mich0621
Wow, that is horrible! Do you still talk to former fiance's parents? If so, just explain that you are hurt, and you loved their son very much, but you need to move on as a part of the grieving process. You have gone through so much, and I think she is speaking out of anger, but she is out of line...best thing you can do is speak to someone and close that chapter of your life...you are doing nothing wrong and you deserve to be happy!
No I do not talk to his parents, His mom was killed by his father and he disapeared.
lilangel
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
No sense in beating yourself up. You have to move on from something like that and if people don't want to be happy for you ... Oh well. So long as you have a man who loves and cherishes you you have nothing to worry about.
diva7531
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Posted by kat107
I think the fact that you immediately knew not to tell her about your awful experiences with her brother speaks VOLUMES about your character; you sound like a wonderful person. I agree with PP that the relationship with her has run its course, and is over now. It's sad that it ended on such a negative note, but it's your time to move forward with the exciting, happy things that you deserve. Have a happy wedding, and a happy life.
DITTO!!! Christy, you know you are amazing, maybe she is reminded of her brother when she talks to you too. I'm sure she is just yet not over her loss. But you should cut ties with her. This will hapen most times you talk to her. If you haven't spoken in a while it is for a reason, check that caller ID girl, before you pick up the phon. You have every right to be happy!!!!!
twinkletoes807
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
I know it is hard to let go of someone who has been a big part of your life, but for your own well being, you need to. This girl is not being your friend by trying to make you feel guilty about moving on with your life! Not to mention- she doesn't even know the half of what you went thru! Time to cut the ties. You are building your life with a wonderful man who adores you! You deserve to have a wonderful, happy and loving life! Embrace it totally!!
Kara and Todd
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
It's time to let go of him and that means severing ties with his family, too.
You deserve to move on and your life is moving in a wonderful new direction. Let them move on with their lives and you with yours. You're drifting apart from her, so don't fight it.
I'm so sorry.
Dee606
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Honestly, Yes, I would be so hurt that she would say those horrible things- Unfortunately, she doesn't know what he brother was really like & she probably just felt the need to defend his memory.
I wouldn't contact her again. You don't need people like that i your life. This is a happy time for you & you need supportive people who truly wish good things for you around you.
rkl1130
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
I think this friendship with his sister has come to an end. It's been a long time and you are happy now. His sister doesn't know the whole story and you not telling her is a testament to your character. You cannot let that stand in the way of your happiness and feel guilty about anything.
Everyone has moved on from that time and living in the past and dwelling on it does not help anyone.
You are in a much better place and are with someone who is caring and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Colette
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
Posted by Christys0925
No I do not talk to his parents, His mom was killed by his father and he disapeared.
Wow. wow. what a tragic situation this is... Addiction/alcoholism is a FAMILY disease (meaning, the whole family is affected)... between her brother's death, mother's murder and lost father, and God knows what else, you're not dealing with someone who has ever known 'normal'... so a normal reaction to your happy news may not be possible for her? And in many ways she's losing the last tangible connection she had with her brother - you... I agree with PPs that the relationship may need to be over at this point, so you can move forward and she can really start healing. Life's path is full of twists and turns, there's always the hope that she will heal and be in your life in the future. Wish her well - even if only in your thoughts - and step full speed ahead into your new life...
NO MATTER WHAT, DONT LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR JOY.
Marly
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Re: So upset !!! LONG
I agree 100% with all of the other ladies, you need to cut her off. She has not come to terms with both her mother and brother's deaths. She is taking her anger out on you because you have found Happiness again and you have been able to move on with you life and that's how it such be. You have every right to be Happy!!!!! You have a FH who Loves and Cherishes the gift that God has brought into his life, the gift of YOU!!!!! Enjoy every moment of your New Happy life!!!! Don't ever let anyone try to ruin that for you!!!!
