So...I was going to ask a friend to be a reader at the ceremony.

Thoughts on this, ladies. It's long, so TIA for reading through if you choose to do so

I was considering asking one of my best friends to be a reader during the ceremony. He kept asking me if he could make a speech during the reception and I said no - we're having very few speeches...MOH (my sister) and BM (his brother), and my dad wants to say a little something which is cool with me, since he and my mom are paying toward it quite a bit.

So I thought one way to include this friend is to have him be a reader. This worked for me because a) I'll be able to control what he says - hopefully! and b) it'll give him some sort of feeling of being involved in our big day.

I mentioned it to FH and he was fine with the idea. Then this weekend, this friend came to our NYE party at FH's house and proceeded to ask me about 5 times if he was going to be allowed to give a speech (he kept getting told NO) and mentioned how he was 'so looking forward to our wedding to he could get trashed'.

Keep in mind, he wasn't drunk. Barely buzzed - he was friggin' drinking apple juice followed by a Corona!

So then on Saturday I was at another friend's house - this girl kinda knows this friend of mine, as we all go to concerts together. She happens to take me aside and says 'hey, I just need to get this off my chest...when we were in Philly for the Pearl Jam shows (guy friend) came up to me when you weren't around and out of nowhere he tells me how he's going to get SO TRASHED at your wedding...it was just like a random thing that he interjected into a conversation when you weren't around' She would have no reason to make it up - there's nothing for her to gain from that. (She also was not with us on NYE to hear him say that to me)

Anyway...I'm all for people getting blitzed and having fun...most people know I'm a drinker. But W T F, who says things like that? Am I being too sensitive here?
Is it now not a good idea to ask him to be a reader? I wanted him to be one because he's been my friend for so long, but now I'm starting to think that he won't really understand what it means for someone to stand up and read at a ceremony.

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

Thoughts on this, ladies. It's long, so TIA for reading through if you choose to do so

I was considering asking one of my best friends to be a reader during the ceremony. He kept asking me if he could make a speech during the reception and I said no - we're having very few speeches...MOH (my sister) and BM (his brother), and my dad wants to say a little something which is cool with me, since he and my mom are paying toward it quite a bit.

So I thought one way to include this friend is to have him be a reader. This worked for me because a) I'll be able to control what he says - hopefully! and b) it'll give him some sort of feeling of being involved in our big day.

I mentioned it to FH and he was fine with the idea. Then this weekend, this friend came to our NYE party at FH's house and proceeded to ask me about 5 times if he was going to be allowed to give a speech (he kept getting told NO) and mentioned how he was 'so looking forward to our wedding to he could get trashed'.

Keep in mind, he wasn't drunk. Barely buzzed - he was friggin' drinking apple juice followed by a Corona!

So then on Saturday I was at another friend's house - this girl kinda knows this friend of mine, as we all go to concerts together. She happens to take me aside and says 'hey, I just need to get this off my chest...when we were in Philly for the Pearl Jam shows (guy friend) came up to me when you weren't around and out of nowhere he tells me how he's going to get SO TRASHED at your wedding...it was just like a random thing that he interjected into a conversation when you weren't around' She would have no reason to make it up - there's nothing for her to gain from that. (She also was not with us on NYE to hear him say that to me)

Anyway...I'm all for people getting blitzed and having fun...most people know I'm a drinker. But W T F, who says things like that? Am I being too sensitive here?
Is it now not a good idea to ask him to be a reader? I wanted him to be one because he's been my friend for so long, but now I'm starting to think that he won't really understand what it means for someone to stand up and read at a ceremony.

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Kris, as far as the drinking comments go, I wouldn't pay it any mind...so many of our friends, BP members, heck even FH are all saying how they can't wait to drink and party! It's probably all talk anyways

I don't think the comments should preclude him from being a reader, but definitely speak to him first and lay the ground rules. If he brings up the drinking again, you can laughingly say 'You better not get too trashed or I'll kick you out!'

HTH

I wouldn't pay too much mind to it either cuz it might just be all talk.

Anyway, since he's doing a reader for the ceremony hopefully he won't be drinking yet.

Well, remember that even if he IS a reader, he wouldn't be drunk at that point ... he'd be drunk at the reception ...

if you want this guy to be a reader, then go for it ... i dont' think there's something wrong with his wanting to get drunk.

BUT, if you're worried, you can talk to him and tell him that he can be a reader AS LONG AS he's sober at that point.

ps: make sure the DJ or whoever know that your guy friend is not giving a speech so he doesn't somehow grab the microphone and give his speech regardless. especially if he's drunk lol

That would definitely get a o.O look from me...

...If you have been friends with him that long, you should be able to be frank with him. I'd still ask him to be a reader, but I'd be d*mn sure he knew EXACTLY what that entailed...and the next time he brought the drinking comment up all I'd say is (jokingly) 'You can't be rowdier than the bride and groom or you'll get the boot!'

Hopefully he'll take the hint.

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

ps: make sure the DJ or whoever know that your guy friend is not giving a speech so he doesn't somehow grab the microphone and give his speech regardless. especially if he's drunk lol

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Ah, super good point.

Thanks for all the advice, ladies.
I'm going to wait it out and see what his behavior is over the next couple of months...he's kind of a really spoiled brat and is used to getting his way (poor little rich boy kinda thing) so he doesn't always 'get' that he can't always get his way..

I wouldn't think too much into it. He's probably just excited and ready for a good time.

I would still ask him to be a reader. Its the ceremony so he (hopefully) wont be drinking yet!

ANd yes, I agree with Ang- dont let the DJ give that mic away!!!!!

I wouldn't pay too much attention to his comments because I feel like I always hear that about weddings. Everyone plans on getting 'so wasted' and then the time comes and people are just normal(ish).

I wouldn't let the comments stop you from asking him to be a reader, especially since hopefully he will wait to drink until the reception. However, I would just pull him aside and talk to him and say 'I know you said you were going to get really drunk blahblahblah'

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

Well, remember that even if he IS a reader, he wouldn't be drunk at that point ... he'd be drunk at the reception ...

if you want this guy to be a reader, then go for it ... i dont' think there's something wrong with his wanting to get drunk.

BUT, if you're worried, you can talk to him and tell him that he can be a reader AS LONG AS he's sober at that point.

ps: make sure the DJ or whoever know that your guy friend is not giving a speech so he doesn't somehow grab the microphone and give his speech regardless. especially if he's drunk lol

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ITA

ETA: FBIL keeps saying the same thing- i told him he cant be so trashed that he forgets to give out the tips. He Only has TWO JOBS that night- rings and tips!! i know he's not going to be able to do it.

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

Well, remember that even if he IS a reader, he wouldn't be drunk at that point ... he'd be drunk at the reception ...

ps: make sure the DJ or whoever know that your guy friend is not giving a speech so he doesn't somehow grab the microphone and give his speech regardless. especially if he's drunk lol

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ITA!