Some people are so rude & weird (Kind of long) UPDATED AT TOP

Today, someone I work with comes over to me and ask what is going on between me and 'mary'. I ask why, what did they hear. Well 'John' randomly told me today your ruined 'Mary's' shower.

I am sooo pissed about this b/c I really dont think I ruined her shower. And supposably she told another friend of ours that her fiancee really didnt have a family-gathering planned for that night. I feel like showing her the ******** e-mail. Besides the fact, if he didnt really plan something behind her back and they were coming, why wouldnt he have contacted me to tell me so. I think the whole situation is ******** now. First I was upset and hurt and felt I was wrong. Now I am just like grow up and get over it. And she thinks 'we can still be social in work.' What the f*ck is that all about???? Some poeple I jsut can't figure out.


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Well when I left work on Thursday after speaking to my friend, everything was fine (as I posted below). I come into work this morning and go over and say hi as usual and she apparenlty is mad at me now. She told me she made the decision not to come to my wedding and that she is upset that I brought the situation to her attention. What I really think happened is that she realized her fiancee is an a**hole and he did what she never thought he would do (go behind her back) and they probably fought about it this weekend and now he doesnt want to come to my wedding and she took his side and isnt coming either. She said 'we can still be social in work'. I tried to explain to her that I didn't want the situation to ruin her day, etc. But I can also understand where she is coming from. So I cried for the first hour of work and to make my day worse my manager over heard me on the phone with another friend last week talking about possibly leaving for another job. AND ITS ONLY 11:30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also just received an e-mail from my cousin and she backed out of my bachelorette party! What an idiot! I feel terrible that I hurt her and upset her, but I honestly feel like I did the right thing. It would be what I wanted. I guess I have to stop thinking about and worrying about other people's feelings as much as I do.


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Ok so I got up the courage and just spoke to my friend. She was taken back and a little confused. She said what I thought she would say that she was happy that I spoke to her, that she wished I had done it earlier and that she would want to make that decision not her fiancee and that she wouldnt miss my wedding for the world, even if she had to come late. She said it seems out of character for her fiancee to try and 'sneak' and do something like that and she keeps telling herself and me that he wouldnt do something like that, there has to be another reason. Apparently, she thinks it could possibly be her shower, which she though anyway (of course, us nosy brides) and that his family does have get togethers after bridal showers, but that she would be upset if she found out he said no to my wedding for a family gathering when it can be done the next day or something. I think she doesnt want to think that her fiancee would do something like that, but I know he did, but I didnt want to tell her that. I just told her maybe there was something more to the situation and that he thought he was doing the right thing or something. I didnt want to tell her her fiancee is an *******! But I feel better. Thanks for your support. I feel like I can't win.
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One of my good friends at work is getting married in September. When I went out with her and her sister one day, her sister told me she planned her bridal shower the day of my wedding w/out knowing. She said she couldnt change the date but the shower starts at 12:00 and my friend would definetely make it to the reception.

Rewind a little: My friend is dating a nice guy but his family is a little bizarre. They are big on 'family gatherings' and birthdays which is great, but my friend finds it a little odd. Her boyfriend also has a hard time saying no to his family. It just so happens my friends fiancee's birthday is on my wedding day also the day of my friends shower.

Fast forward: About a week after I hung out with my friend and her sister, her sister e-mailed me to tell me that although my friend replied yes to my wedding, her fiancee's family made plans to have birthday cake with him after her bridal shower (aka...the night of my wedding) and they would not be attending. She was only the messenger. My friend's fiancee asked her to contact me. Can we say ******* *******? He is 30 and he knows his girlfriend has been looking forward to my wedding for a year and a half and he can't have his b-day the next day, he has to have it the night of my wedding? Besides, she cant stand all his family gatherings and obligations they have. And even if my wedding wasn't that night, she wouldnt want to hang out with his family after her bridal shower. She would want to go through all her gifts.

So, another friend of ours from work and I were discussing this. She also said there is no way my friend is going to miss my wedding for a birthday cake. She even planned a surprise party for him around my wedding day. And she is going to miss it for a ******* birthday cake. So I e-mailed her sister tonight and told her that I am going to count them, that I think it is unfair of my friends fiancee, and that in my honest opinion (and she knows I am right) there is no way my friend (who is 33 & obviously mature) is going to miss my wedding to have a birthday cake for her boyfriend (who is 30).

Does anyone else think this is ******* bizarre? I know my friend is going to flip a lid when after the shower she thinks she has to get ready for my wedding and he says, 'no honey, we're going to go to my parents house for b-day cake.' What an *******!

That's totally messed up, have you talked to your friend and find out what she really wants? I can understand where the girl's coming from if she's a totaly family girl, but if she knew about your wedding so far in advanced why would she pick the birthday cake over your wedding?

My own fiance is also a big family man kinda guy, and won't miss a family event for the world. But even he would respect my wishes if he found out that I have planned to attend a wedding long long ago and would prefer NOT to miss it, even if it means missing the family gathering.

I think there's some miscommunication going on here?

i agree... the whole thing is VERY weird... and i think they need to tell your friend everything now- so that she can make her own decision about what she wants to do that night. as of now, she still thinks shes coming to your wedding right?? shes gonna freak out, and thats not right- somebody needs to let her in on the plans so she can make a decision.
i hate weird things like this... one of my BMs ( who i've been friends with since 3rd grade!) left my shower in the middle of opening presents, because she had to go have dinner for her FI birthday.... granted, it was his 30th, but she couldn't have waitied another half hour till i was done opening presents?? i was really hurt, and it was just one of those really weird things....

Yes it definitely sounds a little shady....

Does your friend know about the birthday party? I know the shower is a surprise, but if she is expecting to go to your wedding... obviously your friend hasn't talked to her boyfriend.

I would talk to her right away.

Forget the shower..she can be told about the b-day celebration. That's what's really getting in the way. Can you contact her sister and have that changed?

If they won't cooperate tell them that you will take matters into your own hands and spoil the surprise. If they want to play-you can too.

I really cant believe some people!! I would think your friend would be at your wedding. SOme people are soooo rude!!

I hate to say this, but I think you are going to have to spoil the suprise of her shower. What nerve her sister has to plan her shower on a day she already has plans!!!!! Were you going to be invited to this shower? I that is just plain rude.
And the thing about her FH's birthday cake? Please . I totally agree with you that she would be totally upset thinking she is going to your wedding and then her fiance says, oh no, we're having my b-day cake instead.
You need to get your friend involved in this, and if her sister is mad at you for blowing the surprise, oh well, she deserves it.

You raise a good point. I definetely don't want to ruin the surprise of her shower (aka her grandmothers suprise party). She must have an idea that is a possibility. But I feel like telling her that her fiancee has no intention of coming to the wedding. He wants to have b-day after you grandmothers party. But is that wrong of me?

I feel terrible about this whole thing. And honestly, I feel like he is being sneaky and manipulative. He told her that his family is planning something that day a long time ago and she told him no. But now he is going behind her back. What an ***!

I am going to wait and see what her sister replies to my e-mail. She definetely doesnt need to know about her shower, but she should know about what is happening after.

If you decide to blow the surprise be prepared for your friend to be somewhat ticked off that it's not a surprise anymore...just something to think about.

I would tell the sister and the FI that you will blow the whistle though as a scare tactic.

I would totally speak to the friend about her FH's plan to eat cake at his mama's house instead of attending your wedding...that's just BS. I mean, I know he might be thinking, I dont want to spend my bday at someone's wedding...but hey, free booze!!! at any rate, sometimes weddings HAVE to take place on certain dates even if they conflict with a bday (we are NOT marrying on a day/date that we wanted...we had to take what was left when our guest list got out of control).....it was not something you needed to consider when planning your wedding long ago....if she is already going to one party and planning on her dear friend's wedding as well, I think she'll be upset. You can definitely tell her about the cake for his bday idea without spoiling the shower.....since the party is for her grandmother (wink-wink) that won't interfere with the wedding.

I love family gatherings, we do a lot of them and I hate it when I have to miss one but, a birthday cake instead of going to a wedding, that's well, ridiculous! I missed a ton of family parties last year and over the years for weddings. I even went to one on my own birthday, no biggie. I feel that weddings take precidence over any other party I would be going to (birthday, graduation, communion, Christmas).

ETA: And that's pretty rude of them to email you with your friend not knowing about the cake.

Yeah, he's not 5...b-days can be celebrated on other days.

I personally believe that b-days are month long events..I can never get everyone together on the actual day.

I think you can thwart the FH B-day cake plans without ruining the surprise shower.

You: Hi, umm, your sister e-mailed me to tell me you weren't coming to my wedding because your FH is having birthday cake at your FILs house? Is that true?
Her: That's so weird, they didn't tell me. I'd prefer not to miss your wedding. Let me see what's going on.