Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

Jen2704 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:35 PM

Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

Just kidding...I don''t want to start the peep war again....seriously I am majorly upset now and I never thought it would happen to me but it did....

My dad''s family is huge...Grandpa is one of 12 kids! Tons of Aunts, Uncles and cousins....the plan was to ask nobody from out of state because I feel like if you ask one person you have to ask all of them. Well they know I am getting married, I don''t really talk about it with them...I just say I am planning and thats it..they know the date...I mean I can''t lie to them about it. But anyway I write my cousin and say whats up, how is life going ...you know getting in touch type of deal. So she writes me back and asks when the wedding is again and I told her the date and I said 200 people and thank god I am only doing this once. She writes me back and I quote 'are you inviting me?' she says nothing else...just asks that....ladies I am really ticked to say the least. She is a good person but if I ask her I have to ask my aunt and uncle in NC and her mom in FL. Plus she is the type of person that she wants to see the family but I really can''t afford to do this...how would you answer?!
Stuff like this is annoying...help!!

Thanks,
Jen

LisaT Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:38 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

I think its hard to draw that line with family - especially a line based on location. Why should their location affect you? - its up to them to get to your wedding, not your responsibility.

If this cousin is someone that your close enough to for regular correspondance, than I think she should be invited. Doesn't mean they will all come.

Sorry I'm not much of a help.

OctBride03 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:39 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

If there is absolutely no way of inviting out of towners, I think you should explain that to them and they should understand... if they were all invited, do you think they would all come??? They are probably all expecting an invite, but if you explain to them now, before it's too late, it should work out okay... I wish I had better words to give you... Good luck!

Cheer up!

michele31 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:40 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

are you inviting in-state family? I mean is your aunt from Babylon being invited but her sister from CT isn't?

You need to make it clear that you will not be inviting many people to the wedding. I would never tell people'oh, I am having 200 people' but you are not one of them. Most people (especially out of NY state) do NOT realize the cost involved in a LI wedding So it could be se as a slap in the face.
Also, make sure NONE of these people are being invited the shower or e-party (if you are having one). Just tell your cousin that you love her, but you are unable to invite the entire famiy due to $$ constraints and the hall guest limits for the room.

LisaT Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:41 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

In the interest of family harmony and maintaining your good relationship...whats 5 more people when you have 200 coming? You can't use the excuse that its a small wedding...

keep in mind the decline rate - if you invite 200, you won't have 200 there.

edited to say: I do understand your frustration though. I totally stressed about the guest list and how many people we had (225) but I'm glad we didn't make cuts we'd regret.

Friends of our were very cautious with their list and they now have regrets for all the people they didn't invite. They ended up under their minimum by 9 people, and there were a lot of close friends they wish had been invited.

karen32 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:43 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

this is tricky. is this person a first cousin? as a first cousin, i would ASSUME i was invited, unless i was told otherwise. if you're excluding out-of-staters, i think you need to make that clear ASAP.

but michele brings up a good point - if you have one aunt local and one aunt out-of-town, is that going to be super-awkward??

Jen2704 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:46 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

Wow you all have good points.....true what is one more person.....my fh has family in CT and NJ that we are asking... I know it is technically out of state but they are his aunts, uncle and two first cousins....she is my 3rd cousin....oh man tons to think about....if I had to ask everyone from out of state that adds 40 people or so to the list...boy am I confused as to what to do?!!

edited to correct my grammar

karen32 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 03:50 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

i soooo dread getting to this part in our planning!!!

do you think all 40 out-of-towners would attend?? 40 is a lot of people to add on, but sometimes you need to, to keep the peace!

Jen2704 Posted: Feb 28, 2003 04:16 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

All of my family wants to see each other which is nice and I don't want to sound rude but I feel like my wedding should not be a family reunion...they should be two different things...I would love to meet them but it is too much to add on...

Jen2704 Posted: Mar 01, 2003 12:56 AM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

Update ladies!!

FH and I decided to ask all 40 people and see what happens...I doubt all of them would come...you never know I was just planning to meet them for the first time at a family reunion but I guess this will be the first time!!

I will let you know how it goes!!

Jen

P.S. No peeps were hurt as a result of this vent...lol

LisaT Posted: Mar 01, 2003 01:18 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

Jen - I'm glad you figured it all out. I think you'll be happy with your decision!

Jen2704 Posted: Mar 01, 2003 05:02 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

Thanks Lisa and thanks everyone!!

Claud2001 Posted: Mar 01, 2003 05:30 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

You didn't originally say that many of these family members you have never met before! If that is the case, I totally understand why you would consider not inviting everyone. My family is large too, and I could not ask all of my second and third cousins to attend - it would have been ridiculous!

But, considering that 20% of the total people invited will inevitably decline (for whatever reason, not just distance), I think you should be just fine.
Sometimes, it's just best not to keep the peace!

karen32 Posted: Mar 01, 2003 05:50 PM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

i agree with Claud!! i didn't realize that you hadn't met most of these people before!!!

positanos Posted: Mar 03, 2003 09:46 AM

Re: Somebody help me before I squish peeps out of anger....(long vent no harm against peeps I promise)

You have already decided ehat to do - if you are not inviting anyone from out of state, be up front and honest with them. Avoiding the issue will cause resentment. Explain to them the situation - you cannot afford a wedding with 400 (or whatever) people. And make sure you send announcements of your wedding after it happens!