I cannot stop reading the best of craigslist. Work is super slow and I'm not working on any writing until later (the mood has to strike) so I'm just reading this stuff.
It's effing brilliant. I heart these crazy azzes!
Do you ever read them? I know that lipgloss does.
itslaurie.
Posted:
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Re: Someone make me stop
no, people scare me.
I am not working today though either. If that makes you feel better.
rkl1130
Posted:
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Re: Someone make me stop
I have never read that!
Now that you bring it up, I shall go on and take a look at what the crazies have to say!
Hello. Here is my couch. I hate this couch and it needs to get out of my house. It is the worst couch I have ever seen. I sat on it and now I'm in a back brace. I let my dog have the couch, but then he died on it, so I don't really need it anymore. I miss my dog and I hate this couch. I'm asking $3.75 for the couch because thats how much Buck's favorite chew toy cost me each month. However, I'll consider other offers. I would just throw this couch into the river, but I hurt my back sitting on the couch.
A little more about the couch: I bought it 3 months ago. I paid $900 It came from this swanky furniture place I hate the couch
Hi, my name is Tim, or Joe, or Sam. Though we haven't had a formal introduction I'm sure you know me, or at least what I represent here. I'm fat guys. I'm nerdy guys. I'm short guys, bald guys, dorky guys, spazzes, weirdos. Hobos, and guys without great jobs, cars, or clothes. I just wanted to take a second to talk to you about something very important to me, something it doesn't seem that you realize:
If you are physically attractive and dress in such a way to grab the attention of attractive males, you will also grab the attention of us unattractive males.
I'm sorry you're attractive though I am not. Believe me, it is probably as hard for me as it is for you. It isn't like I didn't sometimes wish I was some hot dude with whom you would make out at some sh1tty party with bad music. But just so you know, you were showing a lot of cleavage on the escalator at Barnes and Noble today and even though I wasn't the guy you wanted to attract, I like boobs just like he does. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the creepy guys. I know how to look at some boobs without staring or showing up in your driveway, but if you catch me checking you out please don't look so pissed off. What if I knew some hot dude and was about to point him in your direction but changed my mind because now you seem like a b1tch? Bet you didn't think of that while buying that short skirt did you?
Please don't think I'm asking you to become the chick in the bar who is a little ugly and past her prime who wants any and all guys to stare at her and have endless conversations about sexuality like that one time in college when she totally made out with some chick at a party and a whole bunch of frat guys got boners. I'm just saying, if you go fishing don't get mad if you catch a boot, or a tin can, or even maybe some seaweed.
Hello. Here is my couch. I hate this couch and it needs to get out of my house. It is the worst couch I have ever seen. I sat on it and now I'm in a back brace. I let my dog have the couch, but then he died on it, so I don't really need it anymore. I miss my dog and I hate this couch. I'm asking $3.75 for the couch because thats how much Buck's favorite chew toy cost me each month. However, I'll consider other offers. I would just throw this couch into the river, but I hurt my back sitting on the couch.
A little more about the couch: I bought it 3 months ago. I paid $900 It came from this swanky furniture place I hate the couch
Hi, my name is Tim, or Joe, or Sam. Though we haven't had a formal introduction I'm sure you know me, or at least what I represent here. I'm fat guys. I'm nerdy guys. I'm short guys, bald guys, dorky guys, spazzes, weirdos. Hobos, and guys without great jobs, cars, or clothes. I just wanted to take a second to talk to you about something very important to me, something it doesn't seem that you realize:
If you are physically attractive and dress in such a way to grab the attention of attractive males, you will also grab the attention of us unattractive males.
I'm sorry you're attractive though I am not. Believe me, it is probably as hard for me as it is for you. It isn't like I didn't sometimes wish I was some hot dude with whom you would make out at some sh1tty party with bad music. But just so you know, you were showing a lot of cleavage on the escalator at Barnes and Noble today and even though I wasn't the guy you wanted to attract, I like boobs just like he does. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the creepy guys. I know how to look at some boobs without staring or showing up in your driveway, but if you catch me checking you out please don't look so pissed off. What if I knew some hot dude and was about to point him in your direction but changed my mind because now you seem like a b1tch? Bet you didn't think of that while buying that short skirt did you?
Please don't think I'm asking you to become the chick in the bar who is a little ugly and past her prime who wants any and all guys to stare at her and have endless conversations about sexuality like that one time in college when she totally made out with some chick at a party and a whole bunch of frat guys got boners. I'm just saying, if you go fishing don't get mad if you catch a boot, or a tin can, or even maybe some seaweed.
JanuaryBride06
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Re: Someone make me stop
You'll have to read the last one at home. I think that there are too many edits that I'd have to make.
SuzBride
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Re: Someone make me stop
Agree with this 100%
Don't call and immediately ask 'Who is this?' Who am I? I'm the same receptionist who has answered the phone the past 8 times you've tried to reach him. Who are YOU? You're the one who is calling me. Say your name, why you are calling and if you're polite, I may transfer you. If I feel like it.
You: Middle aged man sporting a long graying ponytail while walking downtown Portland this afternoon. You were wearing a tacky hawaiian print t-shirt and Oakleys that were most likely purchased in the late 80's to early 90's.
Me: A dose of reality.
You thought you were looking pretty smooth this afternoon as you strutted your stuff down 5th avenue, repeatedly looking behind you and eying the innocent young girl that was trying to mind her own business. After about six or seven times of stopping and turning around to stare, you pulled a fast one and decided to let her pass you, allowing yourself the convenience of staring at her *** as you made your way down the sidewalk. There you walked, breathing heavily like a creepy old pervert with asthma, getting your fill of an *** so young it could easily be your daughter's. You didn't notice the quickness in the girl's pace as you began hitting on her (while her heels once made a soft click...click on the pavement, they were now at a more persistent click-click-click, as she attempted to avoid you. You have no idea how hard it is to speedwalk in heels!).
You asked the girl if she knew where the nearest leather shop was. You've got some boots that need work. You know, motorcycle boots. You have a motorcycle. You like to ride motorcycles. Does she?
Your efforts were thwarted as your victim darted sideways into an office building, escaping further harassment by mere seconds.
Listen, unfortunate looking old guy with a ponytail, not even Fabio could pull off a creepy pick-up move like that. If you keep doing that someday you might get a swift kick to the nuts (you have no idea how painful a heel to the nuts could be!). Please, to avoid future humiliation, stick to picking up your women at Wal-Mart and biker bars. The hairier they are, the more willing they will be to go home and sleep with you. Also, try to make sure they're legal (since you seem to like the young ones).
Have a nice day.
rkl1130
Posted:
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Re: Someone make me stop
Those are priceless! I can get addicted to reading those!
JanuaryBride06
Posted:
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Re: Someone make me stop
Posted by rkl1130
Those are priceless! I can get addicted to reading those!
I apologize in advance. But once you start, it's so hard to stop.
rkl1130
Posted:
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Re: Someone make me stop
Posted by JanuaryBride06
Posted by rkl1130
Those are priceless! I can get addicted to reading those!
I apologize in advance. But once you start, it's so hard to stop.
I love it! Otherwise, I'd be reading the gossp columns instead!
iamvocal72
Posted:
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Re: Someone make me stop
My head has been throbbing and I am so tired I really think I can fall asleep sitting up. Thank you SO MUCH for posting these as I am also blocked at work.
I have read some other posts before and they have to be some of the funniest shiit I've read!
Thanks for the much needed smile!
JanuaryBride06
Posted:
Member since
Re: Someone make me stop
Posted by iamvocal72
My head has been throbbing and I am so tired I really think I can fall asleep sitting up. Thank you SO MUCH for posting these as I am also blocked at work.
I have read some other posts before and they have to be some of the funniest shiit I've read!
Thanks for the much needed smile!
Hey, you're all married and stuff! Welcome back! Do you have any NWR-style wedding pictures to show us?
itslaurie.
Posted:
Member since
Re: Someone make me stop
Posted by JanuaryBride06
Posted by iamvocal72
My head has been throbbing and I am so tired I really think I can fall asleep sitting up. Thank you SO MUCH for posting these as I am also blocked at work.
Hey, you're all married and stuff! Welcome back! Do you have any NWR-style wedding pictures to show us?
