Sore spot w/the Guestlist between FH and I -- opinions? (Long)

I have stayed friends with some mutual friends of mine and my ex's. Two couples...however, one member of each couple is actually my ex's cousin.

I guess a little background is in order. Couple 1 consists of ex's cousin 'Doug' and his wife 'Helen'. Helen and I became very close when I was with my ex and maintained the friendship after the break up even though she did always ultimately want me and my ex to get back together and never hestitated to say so. Helen is a 'character' to say the least and not many people can tolerate her brashness and brutal honesty. Anyway, she refuses to acknowledge Jimmy by his real name and always refers to him as 'Tony'. (Don't even ask) It's not that she doesn't like him, she's never even met him, she just refuses to 'accept' him until we are actually married for her own weirdo reasons. I haven't been in touch with her much over the past 6 mos or so for various reasons but I was a BM in her wedding and I *think* that I want her at my wedding. Doug and my ex are pretty close and I really have no relationship to Doug or care to maintain one.


Couple #2 consists of 'John' and my ex's cousin 'Betty'. Betty and I were also pretty close while me and my ex were dating but actually became CLOSER after the breakup. She invited me AND Jim to their wedding and I continue to talk to her often, I have lunch with her, and her and her DH have been over Jim's house. She rarely even brings up her cousin. John and Jim have hit it off and could potentially be friends.


I think at this point it's obvious that I would much rather invite Betty and her spouse alone and avoid the problems that Helen & Doug come with. But I can't do that -- they are related and I will insult Helen to no end if I invite Betty and not her. It is inevitable that she will find out.

So if I invite one, I have to invite the other. FH thinks it's absurd that I am even CONSIDERING inviting people that are related to my ex. He says it's just begging for trouble. (It took almost 3 yrs to get my ex to leave me alone even while I was already with FH)

I want to continue to be friends with these people... to a point, of course... and I think it would be pretty rude of me not to invite them.... Obviously it's gotta be both couples or neither. What should I do? Advice? Opinions? Suggestions?

Sorry so long!

Honestly, I don't think it has to be both couples - from what you've said - Helen has been very rude to your FH and I do'nt know why you even want her there.
It sounds like the two of you have a decent relationsip with Betty and they have welcomed him.

If Helen is insulted, I would tell her exactly why she wasnt invited because she was pretty insulting to your FH.

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Posted by mrswask

Honestly, I don't think it has to be both couples - from what you've said - Helen has been very rude to your FH and I do'nt know why you even want her there.
It sounds like the two of you have a decent relationsip with Betty and they have welcomed him.

If Helen is insulted, I would tell her exactly why she wasnt invited because she was pretty insulting to your FH.

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I agree.

Simple:

If you want to keep relationships with both couples, you have to invite both couples. If you are not interested in keeping a relationship with Helen, then don't invite Helen.

I agree..if helen can't accept your fh into her life than i can't see why she would even want to come to the wedding..i think you should invite betty but both no..but if you have to do both than i say don't do either..betty would understand i'm sure and helen, although your friend doesn't seem to be the type of person i would want at my wedding if the roles were reversed..good luck with whatever you choose to do..sorry you're in such a spot..

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Posted by mrswask

Honestly, I don't think it has to be both couples - from what you've said - Helen has been very rude to your FH and I do'nt know why you even want her there.
It sounds like the two of you have a decent relationsip with Betty and they have welcomed him.

If Helen is insulted, I would tell her exactly why she wasnt invited because she was pretty insulting to your FH.

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I agree. Not to mention you said you weren't that close with Helen any more. Plus they have never even met Jim!!!

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Posted by anjerandunder

I agree..if helen can't accept your fh into her life than i can't see why she would even want to come to the wedding..i think you should invite betty but both no..but if you have to do both than i say don't do either..betty would understand i'm sure and helen, although your friend doesn't seem to be the type of person i would want at my wedding if the roles were reversed..good luck with whatever you choose to do..sorry you're in such a spot..

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I agree.