Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
AeroJenn
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Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
Our wedding was beautiful, i loved it, i miss it, and im overall very happy with how it went.
My mom has always been one of my best friends...but lately she's making me so depressed. Anytime I mention anything about the wedding, she has something negaitve to say. When our video came back she complained that she wasnt in it enough, that he should have gotten certain shots, etc. She even went as far as saying 'do you really think you got your moneys worth?'
Today I showed her our proofs -- which DH and I were thrilled with! Well...she complains that she's standing strange in every formal picture, that the photographer didnt give them 'direction' or tell them what to do and 'thats not what a good photographer' does. She complained that some of the pictures were 'weird'....in other words....the artistic shots! She complained that there were too many bridal party shots and not enough family shots, she says that there should have been posed shots for all the tables, etc.
After the wedding she kept complaining about who she never danced with, that the RH didnt announce the cordials in the back, about where she was sitting.
I cant EVER mention the wedding without hearing something bad. I feel horrible. I keep trying to explain that WE like the pictures we got, WE like the candids more than posed shots, we didnt want to have table shots, etc. She just keeps going on about how i say that now but i'm going to 'regret it later in life.' I'm ready to cry!!!! I dont understand why she would keep saying things like that -- she knows how hard its been for me to get over the fact that my wedding is finished. She even has said after complaining about something 'well...i guess it doesnt matter because its over and theres nothing you can do about it now'
Anyone else experiencing anything like this?
thanks for letting me vent girls
amytee
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
Awh Hun. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but I wouldn't let it spoil your happiness with how the day turned out. Sometimes moms can be a pain in the toush....and she probably just thinks so highly of you that she wants nothing but beyond the best for you. If you and DH are happy then thats all that counts. Don't let it get you down!
EverlovingEv
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
I'm experiencing a little bit of what you're describing but definitely not to that extent. First off - I'm so sorry that your mom is the one making you feel bad. Second, please dont' worry about what she or what anyone else says about your wedding. as long as you and DH are happy with your pics, video etc.... that's all that should matter.
A few older ppl have told DH and I that our photojournalistic pics are not wedding appropriate b/c we took pics in downtown bklyn and that graffiti on walls isn't nice and that there is a railing in a few of the pics and they dont like it etc... I tell them that this is EXACTLY what DH and I wanted and we are so happy that our videographer and photog understood our vision and did exactly what we wanted. If the older generation doesn't get it - too bad for them.
You shouldn't have to listen to that, sweetie. You know you made the right decisions in your wedding details and stand strong by them.
LB and DC
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
i am so sorry you are having to deal with this!! it sounds like you have done all you can - explaining to her that you are happy with the photos, video, etc. if i were in your shoes, i would avoid mentioning anything wedding related to mom, then if she asks why, tell her the truth. as for raving about your special day with no negativity - that's what your DH and all us LIW girls are here for!!
are there any other family members you can talk to that will share in your good feelings?
bellaro782
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
Posted by amytee
Awh Hun. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but I wouldn't let it spoil your happiness with how the day turned out. Sometimes moms can be a pain in the toush....and she probably just thinks so highly of you that she wants nothing but beyond the best for you. If you and DH are happy then thats all that counts. Don't let it get you down!
I agree !!!! Just continue being happy !!!
jessica08bride
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
awww i would be upset too! but i really believe she just wanted everything to be perfect bc she loves you so much. Maybe she's even a little sad that you're married now? (in a good way...)
SusiBtoM
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
Strange reaction, but maybe your mom is feeling a little let down now that the wedding is over. Seems like she wanted a bit more attention, or she has some jealousy issues going on.
Don't talk about the wedding with your mom. It will be difficult but see if she notices. If she mentions something, then you could let her know in a nice way that she only has egative things to say, and you don't want to hear that because you and DH had the wedding exactly as you wanted it to be, and it turned out perfect in your eyes.
AeroJenn
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
Thank you ladies fro your advice and FMs -- its really helped clear my head and realize whats going on. I think I'm going to stop talking to my mom for a little while. I actually havent brought anything wedding related up in convo with her recently....she sort of brings it up on her own. OR today, I just gave her the box with the proofs for her to choose hers and she emailed me her complaints. I think it might be best for me to distance myself from her for a little while.
I agree - she wants the best for me (thats a mom for ya!). BUT she is also re-living her own wedding thru ours which is probably why she complains about anything that was different than hers. Right now, with so much going on in my and DH's life, its just too discouraging to listen to the constant negativity
drpepper318
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
I'm sorry to hear that. I sympathize with you. I think that you have a good idea to talk with her a little less, or just talk about things other than the wedding as much as possible. You have enough on your mind that you don't need that upsetting you. I can't stand negativity either. My mother is like that too. Any time she has to chance to complain about something, she does. I'm sure she will make comments about my wedding after it's over too. But don't worry, you know you had a beautiful wedding so don't let her get you down!
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
It sounds a bit like she's unhappy with how SHE was portrayed or looked in pictures and video and is projecting that onto the entire wedding. It's a shame, really, but other than telling her that she hurts your feelings when she makes negative comments about your wedding, there's not much else you can do but distance yourself a bit for a little while, like you said.
On another note, your pics looked GREAT and so long as YOU and your DH love them, that's all that matters!!!
znycgirl
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
I agree with above. Your pics look gorgeous...I'm sure they are great. She probably doesn't realize that these small comments are hurting you.
milana
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
I am so sorry your mother is reacting this way. Your pictures are absolutely amazing and you look beautiful in all of your shots. Maybe she is just trying to make you feel bad because she is unhappy and doesnt feel as if she looked good enough in the pictures and shes upset that she wasnt able to greet every sinle person at your wedding, etc. Shes being really hard on herself and is reverting this bad energy onto you. Here are some hugs, and its probably best like you mentioned, to not talk to your mom about the wedding for a while or not talk to her for a few days
jayandjenny
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
Aw, I'm so sorry you have to hear that kind of stuff from your mom. Maybe she's having a tough time with the reality that you're married now and she just misses you. I'm sure she'll snap out of it. You know your mom better than any of us though. Just try to ignore it and enjoy married life. Sometimes people say mean things because of their own insecurities and needs and it's all just coming out in a bad way towards you.
Noogiefan
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
Posted by AeroJenn
Thank you ladies fro your advice and FMs -- its really helped clear my head and realize whats going on. I think I'm going to stop talking to my mom for a little while. I actually havent brought anything wedding related up in convo with her recently....she sort of brings it up on her own. OR today, I just gave her the box with the proofs for her to choose hers and she emailed me her complaints. I think it might be best for me to distance myself from her for a little while.
I agree - she wants the best for me (thats a mom for ya!). BUT she is also re-living her own wedding thru ours which is probably why she complains about anything that was different than hers. Right now, with so much going on in my and DH's life, its just too discouraging to listen to the constant negativity
WOWZA! Babe it's ok. I grew up with Negative Nancy as a mother. No matter what the conversation may be about - she's always the one who walks into the room with the lead balloon.
Like you said - your mother is your best friend. The worst thing you could do at this point is cut the lines of communication with her. It will only lead to more arguments and complaints - and that's what you want to avoid.
I say that you find a day that you sit down and talk with her, nobody else. Just you and her sit down and talk. Explain to her that YOUR wedding was the most beautiful and most important day of YOUR life. That you love sharing with her your great memories of the day, but that recently it's been hurting you since she has such a negative outlook. Just say that you understand her concerns but that in your eyes your day went perfect. So, it would be greatly appreciated on your end if she could stop with her complaints, because she's right the day IS over. Nothing can be done about it now. The LAST thing you want is for her words to taint the perfect picture of your beautiful day.
As a mother, I hope she would understand. She most likely didn't realize how much she went on about it - and if you voice your concerns, I'm sure she'd curb it.
I hope it all works out honey.
HeatherRose
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
I can completly relate, my moms doing it to me now and we havent even gotten to the wedding, its so upsetting, but as long as you had fun thats all that mattered.. My mom is EXACTLY the same way, I'm scared to see how shes going to be after the wedding! I'm so sorry you have to go through this!
jenn122397
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
aww sorry to hear that! try to remember that you guys loved your weddinga and thats what counts my mom can belike that sometimes too - she thinks weddings are still the way they were when she got married 26 years ago!
mandysmom503
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
aww... I'm so sorry your mother is coming down on you. I think I might be a little condescding back if I were you.... maybe like 'Mom, doesn't seem like you liked much.....so what did you like?)
But honestly it just seems like she's just not happy...and you know what they say misery loves company. So instead of justifiying yourself to her...which I know can be exhausting. Just flatter her....and say 'Well Mom...we loved it' And I'm not going to regret one thing...cause I married a wonderful man...and that's just one day of our entire lives together' She'll stop. :)
erdbeere
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
aww sorry you have to deal with this!! One thing I've learned lately is that some people are just negative... not sure if it makes them feel better or what, but they just radiate negativity... just try your hardest to ignore it and not take it seriously... you know your pictures are gorgeous, all of us other brides know they are gorgeous, so maybe your mom just has more old fashioned ideas of what wedding pics are supposed to be like or something! And sometimes moms are just difficult
gpurple
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Re: Sorry for the downer girls, but im so upset! (kinda long)
AWWWWW!!
But I just looked at your pics.- SOOOOOOOOOOO gorgeous! SUCH GREAT HAPPY SHOTS! wow!!
hang in there with her! try to focus on your new life as much as you can...
or just tell her its disappointing to keep hearing that!!!
People always seem to do that stuff, even our families!
