sorta spin off to QOTD

It is so strange that this question was asked today - it was something that I was thinking about.

A close family member was in a relationship with this wonderful man - I mean fantastic. FH even started to say how sad he was that he wasnt the 'favorite' anymore. We all fell in love with him ( as a family ) and their relationship was just what dreams are made of. I even fought with FH over how unromantic he was next to this guy.

Fast forward to - they are married two years, he is an addict, al alcoholic and can't hold a job. I have to watch someone I love deal with a loser every single day and i almost cant handle it!!

How does this happen?! Of course NOW we all look at the signs and think - well he WAS always the last to leave the party, he always drank to excess but he was always trying to get everyone to have a good time ( probably to cover up his own behavior )

It TOTALLY scares me that this can happen - and now poor FH is suffering.

At the wedding on Friday I kept bugging FH about drinking, i was like do you HAVE to drink that? He NEVER drinks bc he always drives and we were getting a ride home from the wedding so he was really drinking and enjoying himself. I have NEVER seen him out of control drunk but now with this situation in the back of my mind I can't help it - I am freaking out. . . it could happen to anyone, anyone can spiral into addiction and it is just so scary!

He was really annoyed with me - he said I almost ruined his night but every time he did something 'drunk' all I could see in my head was this other person and I panicked!

I really have to get over this - and the worse part is that I cant tell him WHY i am freaking out bc if i EVER compared him to this person - forget it. . . i dont think he would EVER be able to forgive me.

dont worry tilde - you said that in hindsight this guy showed signs......and as long as you dont see that in your FH than dont worry.....its normal to go out and have a few drinks - you guys were at a wedding and didnt have to drive home - to me, its a totally appropriate situation to get a little drunk....maybe you shouldnt tell FH that you were comparing him to this guy (who sounds like a real jerk) but that you are afraid of it happening because its so upsetting for you to watch happen to someone else.....it sounds like this guy needs help - hopefully his wife can convince him to do something about it and they can work it out......

That is very scary,

Thankfully my FH is very straight, he hates the taste of alcohol, and never drinks, he has never smoked a ciggarette or tried a drug in his entire life.

but you never know

Alcohol addiction is a scary thing. You have to keep in mind that it is a disease. This guy most likely had the problem long before he met his wife. Alcoholics are good at covering their addiction until they can't any longer.

I understand why you were on FH. And I know first hand how scary it can be -- But always remember that there is a difference in over doing one night and having a problem where you can't hold a job.

I hope he gets help. If you need any information about AA or any programs FM me., I have four family members who are successfully recovering.

I did this also to FH and I stopped, its not his fault., and once you know someone with a problem, you automatically notice when someone is drinking too much or any for that matter and you shouldnt really do that to yourself., you can blame and have others suffer off of someone else's problem. Just let FH know why you are saying those things to him and that is scared you

Tilde-don't get scared if your FH has a few drinks, that is not a sign to get scared, if you notice other things then that is a different story...There are MANY people in this world who can drink socially and have no problem with it. I dont drink much but even i have gotten drunk quite a few times.

Its not that this guy all of a sudden became an alcoholic out of nowhere, like you said there were signs and who knows how long he was struggling with this. You've been with your FH for about 10 years right? you know him and would be able to recognize some of the signs...Dont hold your Fh at fault for someone elses mistakes

You are totally right! I know that rationally. It is just that I associate all drunken behavior with 'Mr. X' and now when FH does something that drunk people do - I don't think 'Oh all drunk people do that' I think 'OMG Mr. X slurs his speech or loses his balance or speaks loudly etc'

I really have to make an effort to stop doing this to him . . . it is so hard to consciously change yourself!!!

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Posted by Mizzdimple

I hope he gets help. If you need any information about AA or any programs FM me., I have four family members who are successfully recovering.

I did this also to FH and I stopped, its not his fault., and once you know someone with a problem, you automatically notice when someone is drinking too much or any for that matter and you shouldnt really do that to yourself., you can blame and have others suffer off of someone else's problem. Just let FH know why you are saying those things to him and that is scared you

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Thank you

He is in an outpatient program I believe but he is such a great liar sometimes I wonder if he can lie to the people in rehab too!!!