Spinoff to RD thread: Those of you not inviting singles 'with guest'...

I know there's a lot of debate on here about whether everyone needs to be invited 'with guest' regardless of whether they have a significant other

We have a pretty big guest list and tons of single (totally single, not unmarried single) friends. We are inviting anyone in a relationship with their specific SO (no 'and guest') and inviting anyone not in a relationship as a single. Once our guest list settles down, if people ask to bring a guest we will probably let them, but we'd rather not encourage 50-70 people to bring someone random they aren't dating.

Of our bridal party, 2 of my 6 BMs are in serious relationships (1 living with her bf) and the rest are completely single. 1 GM is getting married 2 weeks before us, the other 4 are single.

We were planning to invite them (to the wedding and rehearsal) as singles unless they expressed a desire to bring a guest. Is this wrong? The majority of them are single so it's not like someone would be the odd one out, and they will be busy with pictures and other things.

If you are not inviting everyone 'with guest' what are you doing for your bridal party? I know it's unfair to invite the SOs of some but not others, but it made me wonder about what we were planning to do when only some have SOs.

EDIT: TAKE THIS POLL ASSUMING YOU ARE NOT INVITING OTHER SINGLE GUESTS WITH DATES

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Posted by bluekat16

I would invite the enitre party with guest so they don't feel singled out. They more than likely will not bring a guest since they aren't with anyone.

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I agree!!

We have a very large guest list and FH and I have reached the conclusion that unless you are in a serious relationship, you will not be invited and guest.

I know some people on here may think that is rude, but I can not afford to have someone's 'Flava of the week' I want everyone that is there to have some meaning to FH and I

ETA: Lucky for me members of my BP are either engaged or married to eachother, so that made things a little easier in that aspect. For my single BP members, they are held under the same circumstances as everyone else, unless it is serious... no guest.

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Posted by FinallyEngaged

We have a very large guest list and FH and I have reached the conclusion that unless you are in a serious relationship, you will not be invited and guest.

I know some people on here may think that is rude, but I can not afford to have someone's 'Flava of the week' I want everyone that is there to have some meaning to FH and I

ETA: Lucky for me members of my BP are either engaged or married to eachother, so that made things a little easier in that aspect. For my single BP members, they are held under the same circumstances as everyone else, unless it is serious... no guest.

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Thank you. This poll is assuming that everyone else is only being invited with a guest if they are in a relationship. I know people may not agree with that, but this is more to see if the BP can be treated the same way or not.

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Posted by roan126

My feeling is that you dont necessarily have to invite all of the single guests with dates, but the bridal party should have the option to bring a date if they want to. But then again I have a small BP and the only one not coupled off is my FSIL.

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If we only had 1 or 2 singles we would invite them with date. It gets complicated though since it would mean 8 more people to the RD when we only have 11 people in our bridal party...

the RD room FILs reserved seats 32 (we have 29 total for including officiant/wife) but there is also a larger room that may/may not be available.

i would invite them if i met them ..
none of my invites are going out with the word guest in it..

For the RD: I think it's o.k., though not hospitable, grateful, or wise, to invite the BP without guests. But it should be the same standard across the board.

For the Wedding: I think that a happy guest makes for a rockin' party. Therefore, if you want to have a fun wedding, make sure your guests have fun...that means good food, good music and good company. Who are we to judge the 'seriousness' of someone's relationship? What hypothetical cut off mark would you have? 'More than 6 months'; 'Already had sex'; 'Been on vacation together'; 'No sex yet, but will by the time your wedding rolls around'; etc. etc. It's silly to put your friends into your boxed up definition of what a solid relationship is. If one of your cousins wants to bring a guy she's been dating for 4 or 5 months, I say let her....she'll end up having a better time and you'll be helping her budding relationship to progress. I know it's pricey, but as the host....it's the right thing to do. JMO.

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Posted by bluegreen08

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Posted by roan126

My feeling is that you dont necessarily have to invite all of the single guests with dates, but the bridal party should have the option to bring a date if they want to. But then again I have a small BP and the only one not coupled off is my FSIL.

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If we only had 1 or 2 singles we would invite them with date. It gets complicated though since it would mean 8 more people to the RD when we only have 11 people in our bridal party...

the RD room FILs reserved seats 32 (we have 29 total for including officiant/wife) but there is also a larger room that may/may not be available.

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Understood....I have a small BP, so its easy for me to say that. If I had a bigger BP I'd probably be second guessing it too. Also, I think that most single people in the wedding party don't bring dates unless they are serious....who wants to be stuck by themselves while your date is off doing wedding things?

For the bridal party, FH and I allowed them to be the only ones 'with guest' since they have the honor of being in our wedding party, though I doubt most of them will bring a date since they'll prob be busy with us all night.

As for our guests, we basically feel that we'd want to know all the people there and with our single friends we have a rule of 'no Ring, no Bring'... meaning if you aren't engaged or married, you come alone. Since most of them know the rule, they don't feel the pressure to find a date, and they know they can enjoy themselves with the other 'single' people there.

So I wrote this really long post and it didnt post

So my cliffnotes:
I am going to give you an honest opinion. My BP is 21 people in total so I am not allowing them to bring dates. The RD is being paid for by the inlaws so I dont want them to have extra expenses.
Wedding- As far as the wedding only the married and engaged members will bring guests. This makes it fair and more consistent for not only the bridal party but wedding guests as well. I have made exceptions for people that live together but everyone understands.

Good luck and if you need to chat feel free to FM me.

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Posted by MsPotterhead

I plan on doing the exact same thing as you. I also know that two of my bridesmaids are totally single, not dating anyone, and honestly would not want to bring a random person just to have a date -- they know plenty of people. BUT, if they want to, I will let them, they are not regular guests, they are in the bridal party for a reason! So, I voted yes, but I really would only have them bring guests if they REALLY wanted to. Who knows, they may meet someone between now and then -- hope they do!

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While she won't really come out and admit it, I think one of my BMs has a crush on a mutual friend who also happens to be single and is on our guest list. I don't know if she would have the guts to ask him to be her date, but if they both attend single... maybe sparks will fly?

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Posted by siffleuse319

For the RD: I think it's o.k., though not hospitable, grateful, or wise, to invite the BP without guests. But it should be the same standard across the board.

For the Wedding: I think that a happy guest makes for a rockin' party. Therefore, if you want to have a fun wedding, make sure your guests have fun...that means good food, good music and good company. Who are we to judge the 'seriousness' of someone's relationship? What hypothetical cut off mark would you have? 'More than 6 months'; 'Already had sex'; 'Been on vacation together'; 'No sex yet, but will by the time your wedding rolls around'; etc. etc. It's silly to put your friends into your boxed up definition of what a solid relationship is. If one of your cousins wants to bring a guy she's been dating for 4 or 5 months, I say let her....she'll end up having a better time and you'll be helping her budding relationship to progress. I know it's pricey, but as the host....it's the right thing to do. JMO.

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We are under the 6th month mark and have finalized our guest list (although there is room for tweaking if absolutely necessary between now and May). The way we are doing things now is that people currently in relationships are being invited with their significant other -- our cutoff is whether they are actually in a committed relationship right now (ex: 'in a relationship with ___' as opposed to 'whatever i can get' or 'single' on facebook, or call eachother boyfriend/girlfriend as opposed to a random hookup). We are inviting their significant other by name.

If someone enters into a relationship between now and May and feels its important enough to want to bring them, they can ask us. There will be tons of singles though and we don't want everyone to feel like they are supposed to bring a date if they otherwise would not.

The point of this post wasn't to argue whether you should invite everyone with a guest (that has been argued to ad nauseum already) but whether, if you are inviting singles without guest, you should treat the bridal party the same way.

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The point of this post wasn't to argue whether you should invite everyone with a guest (that has been argued to ad nauseum already) but whether, if you are inviting singles without guest, you should treat the bridal party the same way.

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Ooops...I think I misunderstood your question then. Sorry.
In anycase, it sounds like you have good reasoning for your choices. I haven't had to cross this exact topic yet, but thanks for helping me to realize that there can be a distinction between the BP guest rules and the rest of the wedding invites. I have a little bit more freedom with my guest list now.