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Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

shelly3950 Posted:

Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

First do you think weddings are less special today than they were before people lived together before marriage and had premarital sex?


Second, do you think we get caught up in all the details of the weddings (flowers, dress, programs, favors, etc...) because weddings are less special today overall because many of the things 'new brides' traditionally experienced- like living together and premarital sex?

Keep in mind that this comes from a woman who does live with FH and has had premarital sex- so this is not judging in anyway.

ETA: This is also coming from someone who has not yet been married... Who knows- in 4 days I will have a more educated view of the subject
marymoon Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I really don't know. I can imagine the suspense and waiting and excitement of it all if you're doing it the old fashioned way (no sex, no living together). That's why I'm not fully moving in with FH untila fter the wedding. He's getting his own place this weekend (yay) and we call it 'our apt' but I'm still going to live at home and maybe stay there on weekends. I want to save SOMEthing for the wedding, making it a new adventure. And I would never change a thing, but I kind of wonder about the fact that the wedding night won't be the first night, because that just seems ike it would be so incredibly special. Of course it'll always be special anyway, but still..

tourist Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

Posted by shelly3950


ETA: This is also coming from someone who has not yet been married... Who knows- in 4 days I will have a more educated view of the subject


That's how I feel. I feel I can't answer this untill I am married & even then I can't give a true answer b/c I don't know what it would be like to do it any other way than the way we are doing it.
brideinapril Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

Nah, I don't think of it as 'less special' - I know of no other way - My wedding night was amazeing - because it was the first time as man and wife!
We also did live together before we were married.
But we both felt differently on the wedding night.
goingtobemrs Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I think living together makes it more exciting because you truly know the person you are marrying and there is no fear of what it will be like afterwards. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and that is how we see it. Although we are already committed to eachother now - our wedding day is going to be so special because not only will we be best friends, but we will become man and wife.

FeliciaDA Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

Posted by brideinapril

Nah, I don't think of it as 'less special' - I know of no other way - My wedding night was amazeing - because it was the first time as man and wife!
We also did live together before we were married.
But we both felt differently on the wedding night.


Ditto.. I cannot explain it, but somehow on that wedding night, we just felt different and it felt incredibly special (and that wasn't merely because of the 'sex'.. it just felt different overall). We've been living together also for nearly a year, so that wasn't the reason. I didn't think it would feel any different , but it did. We truly felt so connected and like 'family' in such a different way than ever before..it was so beautiful.

I often look at my DH and think to myself 'wow, is this a dream?.. I actually have a HUSBAND!' And I still get butterflies and thank God for my DH every day!

Though I do also believe that (unfortunately) a lot of folks lose sight of the importance of the MARRAIGE when planning out all the details, and obsessing over the frivilous stuff like cakes, flowers, dresses and the like. Its easy to do when there is so much importance (especially around the NY area) placed on the PARTY, spending insane amounts of $$ and all the little details of that day. Sure we all want memorable and beautiful WEDDINGS to relive and remember, but the important part of the ceremonies often get overlooked.

There is an entire lifetime of committment and continual work at your relationship that will follow that one day.. sometimes I wonder if everyone truly realizes that
goingtobemrs Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I totally agree, that people lose sight of the importance and meaning of a marriage. The wedding itself is just one day. A lot of people want this huge party and don't focus on making their relationship their number one priority. Like I said above, my FH and I treat eachother as if we are married already, and plan to act the same once we are married.

I am so looking forward to walking down the isle with my best friend, the man I am so in love with. I get chills thinking of that! And I can't wait (well, I can wait a few years ) to start a family with him.
luckybride2004 Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I think many things over the years have changed in general. I do not think they are 'less special', only different. My FH and I got an apartment together last November. I waited until we were engaged before officially moving in. Meaning, I spent about 5 out of 7 nights there but did not 'officially' live there. We have found out many things about each other that I am glad I did not wait until the wedding to find out. Both good and bad. In general though, the engagement has brought us so much closer to each other that the combination of both events happening at the same time might have something to do with it.
I agree with some of the above posts say though. In general all the 'details' have be kind of out-weighing the whole reason for getting married in the fist place. I keep reminding people (like my mother) that the party is not for FH and I, the ceremony is. The party is for our friends and family. I really think too many people put the emphasis on the party itself and forget about the reason for that party. I am certainly not judging anyone. I am inviting over 360 people and spending WAY more than I ever planned to. I am jut glad that FH and I are not forgetting about the reason we wanted to get married in the first place. The way we figure it, may as well make the best party ever to celebrate that!
Hey with all that said, if it wasn't for all this emphasis on the details, this chat bourd would never have been made and we all never would have met.
Bebalina Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I think its just as special...cuz ur married.
FH and I have been living together for almost 2 yrs (2 yrs this Nov.)

and have had premarital sex.

And to be honest I dont think i'm wrong or ruined things....we decided to do all of this (not the sex part the living together) due to the high divorce rate in this country...wanted to be sure we can live together.
His brother dated a girl for 6 yrs, got married and were divorced 17 months later...y...they couldnt live together....

Its sad, but it worked for us...do I wish I had more things to look fwd to after the wedding yes....but I have our whole future ahead of us and thats plenty to look forward to. ...although FH and I made a deal that b4 the wedding...we wouldnt have sex...i said 2 months b4 and he couldnt deal with that...so we finally agreed to one month b4...
FLaCaTaCa Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I think it is Just as Special either way. Marriage is different no matter what! IMO

We waited just because it happened that way. We agreed to it at the beginning and have just stuck to it.

I can't wait to live with him after the wedding but I would be just as excited if we already did! I think!
Jax430 Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

Okay, I know I'm in the minority here, but I can only speak about my experience.

I don't think that anyone's wedding is 'less special' b/c they lived together, but DH and I felt that our wedding and marriage was made that much more exciting because we hadn't lived together before and were FINALLY going to be together for good. The feeling of coming home to each other and going to sleep and waking up with each other is so amazing, and I can't imagine having that excitement if we lived together before. We always say we're so glad we did things this way.

And honestly, the finally being together thing was more of a big deal to us than finally having sex (not that that wasn't a big deal too!)!

I don't think people get more caught up in the details these days b/c weddings are 'less special'. I find every single wedding that I go to just as special as the last, whether or not my friends lived together before. I found that the degree to which one got wrapped up in details was much more a function of her personality than whether the couple lived together or had had sex.

So, to summarize my ramblings, I don't think weddings are less special when people live together or have had sex, but I feel that they can be made more exciting when you've been waiting for both of these things.
AnnBrunoXO Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

This is a very good complex question......

In my opinion, weddings are special and unique in there each and own way - and in no means are they 'less special' than they were decades ago - People just had different priorites in their life back then ..... just like people do now.

But to clarify further - I think that in today's day in age - sex has been taken very lightly and just from reading posts on these boards within the last few days especially- it seems like the majority of people are having sex within days/weeks of getting to know the other person - Which leads me to believe that people aren't really getting to know each other emotionally, spiritually - but instead are acting upon sexual emotions.... Before It was not appropriate to disclose how many partners one had etc.... but instead in today's day in age - No one has no shame to disclose anything. Some things should be kept private and should be sacred and special. And I believe it is that sacredness and 'saving it' for that special person that has changed. Since Sex is an important matter in a marriage - I feel it is somewhat tainted because of this..... If you talk to and old timer - the answer to your question would certainly be that weddings are 'less special' because people are living together and sleeping together before marriage....personally in many ways i believe this to be true and was raised with this upbringing but in reality in today's day in age I know this just isn't happening - and its fine....I live my life as others do there's.
IN response to your other question - I do feel that some people get caught up in small details of the wedding, not all! and often lose sight of the meaning of 'marriage'. The wedding is just one day and it should be special and the way you want it - but marriage is what lasts a lifetime. And if everyone payed as much attention to every detail of the wedding as they did to their marriage - maybe there wouldn't be as many divorces......

This is JMO and is not directed at anyone!
Just voicing my opinion....
Robeymuse Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

Posted by brideinapril

Nah, I don't think of it as 'less special' - I know of no other way - My wedding night was amazing - because it was the first time as man and wife!
We also did live together before we were married.
But we both felt differently on the wedding night.


that is exactly how I feel!!
CaCRmr Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

FH and I don't live together nor have we had sex so I'm not sure how to answer the question. I believe that it wouldn't be as special to us if we were living together or having sex. We are waiting to be husband and wife to do those things...just a matter of personal taste. It doesn't mean that those people who didn't wait didn't have it special.

BCTM33 Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I voted for just as special because I am most excited about pledging our love and saying our vows - more than anything else. It is different than the way my parents, grandparents, etc did it, but I think the most important value is still there - pledging to be together forever in front of everyone.

We have been together for 6 years and welive together - so not much will change (I think) after we say our vows - except that we will have said them in front of everyone we know (that cares to show up that is).

I hope I am making sense....
shelly3950 Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

Posted by BCTM33

We have been together for 6 years and welive together - so not much will change (I think) after we say our vows -
I hope I am making sense....


You make total sense.

This is what I have been thinking. Not much changes after you get married? Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way. But I wonder if this is the way it is. I'll tell you in about a week.
Bebalina Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

Posted by shelly3950

Posted by BCTM33

We have been together for 6 years and welive together - so not much will change (I think) after we say our vows -
I hope I am making sense....


You make total sense.

This is what I have been thinking. Not much changes after you get married? Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way. But I wonder if this is the way it is. I'll tell you in about a week.


based on what married friends tell me....
that HAVE lived together...i say so u feel different?
and they say...nope....we're just legal now!
goingtobemrs Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I think it is also different when you maybe buy your very first house together, have a family...there is a lot to look forward to as a married couple even if you lived together first.

JimmysBride Posted:

Re: Spinoff to the how long did you wait Q... premarital sex

I kinda don't see how your poll is going to give you a real answer... who is going to think that their wedding day is less special because they live together or have premarital sex? Or even if they did think it, they would never admit it. Of course, all the people who are living together and having pre-marital sex are going to say that's it's just as special... and nowadays, that's probably the majority of engaged couples.

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