spinoff....maybe I am dense but I don't understand

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Posted by JessicaM.

why it is ok to make someone potentially
1) wear a color they hate, or
2) high-healed shoes if they are a 'flats' girl or
3) hair in an updo if they normally like it down,
4) or we can specify jewelry, bra, nail polish etc

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

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Posted by JessicaM.

why it is ok to make someone potentially
1) wear a color they hate, or
2) high-healed shoes if they are a 'flats' girl or
3) hair in an updo if they normally like it down,
4) or we can specify jewelry, bra, nail polish etc

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Well, my BM's and I decided together what color for them to wear, and my MOH did the same.
I do not care what kind of shoes they wear.
I do not care how they style their hair.
Nor am I going to specify what kind of anything they should wear.
So, for me, I would never demand anyone should have their hair a certain color either.
But, hey, to each her own.

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Posted by JessicaM.

thanks girls

Chris, I hear what your saying and if that info was known to me beforehand, I would make a decision to ask or not to ask, BUT if they are already in it and THEN come with some funky hair, tat, piercing...I would take issue with that..

then there is also the issue of not having a choice...if there is someone in your bp that is there for your fh, and not for you....what do you do?

I guess it's easier for me b/c I am close to all of my girls and am VERY comfortable saying 'hell effing NO..go dye that hair'

ok ok, so I am partially 'schooled' thanks for the insight.

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Posted by JessicaM.

this is not a life-altering change, (like loosing weight and all of the discipline that goes along with such a tremendous endevour) and if she is THAT attached to her hair color, she should really seek professional help.

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Posted by JessicaM.

why it is ok to make someone potentially
1) wear a color they hate, or
2) high-healed shoes if they are a 'flats' girl or
3) hair in an updo if they normally like it down,
4) or we can specify jewelry, bra, nail polish etc

but it's wrong to ask someone to not have their hair colored like an Easter egg.

my hair color is brown with blonde and red highlights...though I do not consider myself a 'brown' person. I just don't understand how hair color=self.

this is not a life-altering change, (like loosing weight and all of the discipline that goes along with such a tremendous endevour) and if she is THAT attached to her hair color, she should really seek professional help.

someone please school me on this one. thanks.

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Posted by itslaurie.

just to point out the other side of things (not directed at ANYONE, so do not take this personally) ...

...in the same way I would suggest the potential bride who is fuming over a bridesmaid hair color seek the professional help.

Presumably you asked her to be a bridesmaid because she's important to you in some way. And she'd look back on photos years later, she'd think about how happy she was that this bridesmaid was in the wedding, not about what her hair looked like. If hair color is important to this bridesmaid, then who is anyone else to say it should not be.

If you want a matched set of uniform, socially acceptable, attractive people following you around all day - then maybe that information should be passed along when asking people to be in a bridal party.

I would submit that just because you are a bride, you do not get veto power on the personal appearance of everyone in your bridal party. No matter who's paying for the photos, bridesmaids are people, not props. They're supporting you, throwing parties for you, buying matching dresses for you: it's not an honor for them, it's an honor for you.

and again - my disclaimer: I am referring to the hypothetical 'you' and bride. and not trying to offend anyone.

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

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Posted by JessicaM.

why it is ok to make someone potentially
1) wear a color they hate, or
2) high-healed shoes if they are a 'flats' girl or
3) hair in an updo if they normally like it down,
4) or we can specify jewelry, bra, nail polish etc

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Well, my BM's and I decided together what color for them to wear, and my MOH did the same.
I do not care what kind of shoes they wear.
I do not care how they style their hair.
Nor am I going to specify what kind of anything they should wear.
So, for me, I would never demand anyone should have their hair a certain color either.
But, hey, to each her own.

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Posted by itslaurie.

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Posted by JessicaM.

this is not a life-altering change, (like loosing weight and all of the discipline that goes along with such a tremendous endevour) and if she is THAT attached to her hair color, she should really seek professional help.

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just to point out the other side of things (not directed at ANYONE, so do not take this personally) ...

...in the same way I would suggest the potential bride who is fuming over a bridesmaid hair color seek the professional help.

Presumably you asked her to be a bridesmaid because she's important to you in some way. And she'd look back on photos years later, she'd think about how happy she was that this bridesmaid was in the wedding, not about what her hair looked like. If hair color is important to this bridesmaid, then who is anyone else to say it should not be.

If you want a matched set of uniform, socially acceptable, attractive people following you around all day - then maybe that information should be passed along when asking people to be in a bridal party.

I would submit that just because you are a bride, you do not get veto power on the personal appearance of everyone in your bridal party. No matter who's paying for the photos, bridesmaids are people, not props. They're supporting you, throwing parties for you, buying matching dresses for you: it's not an honor for them, it's an honor for you.

and again - my disclaimer: I am referring to the hypothetical 'you' and bride. and not trying to offend anyone.

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Posted by JennJay

A little harsh don't you think?

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Posted by JennJay

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Posted by itslaurie.

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Posted by JessicaM.

this is not a life-altering change, (like loosing weight and all of the discipline that goes along with such a tremendous endevour) and if she is THAT attached to her hair color, she should really seek professional help.

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just to point out the other side of things (not directed at ANYONE, so do not take this personally) ...

...in the same way I would suggest the potential bride who is fuming over a bridesmaid hair color seek the professional help.

Presumably you asked her to be a bridesmaid because she's important to you in some way. And she'd look back on photos years later, she'd think about how happy she was that this bridesmaid was in the wedding, not about what her hair looked like. If hair color is important to this bridesmaid, then who is anyone else to say it should not be.

If you want a matched set of uniform, socially acceptable, attractive people following you around all day - then maybe that information should be passed along when asking people to be in a bridal party.

I would submit that just because you are a bride, you do not get veto power on the personal appearance of everyone in your bridal party. No matter who's paying for the photos, bridesmaids are people, not props. They're supporting you, throwing parties for you, buying matching dresses for you: it's not an honor for them, it's an honor for you.

and again - my disclaimer: I am referring to the hypothetical 'you' and bride. and not trying to offend anyone.

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A little harsh don't you think?

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Posted by JessicaM.


my issue really is not whether or not one has uniformed sentinels or not, but rather the respect that is shown to the event by the BM and also where one draws the line on what can and can't be dictated by the bride.

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Posted by JennJay

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

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Posted by JessicaM.

why it is ok to make someone potentially
1) wear a color they hate, or
2) high-healed shoes if they are a 'flats' girl or
3) hair in an updo if they normally like it down,
4) or we can specify jewelry, bra, nail polish etc

---

Well, my BM's and I decided together what color for them to wear, and my MOH did the same.
I do not care what kind of shoes they wear.
I do not care how they style their hair.
Nor am I going to specify what kind of anything they should wear.
So, for me, I would never demand anyone should have their hair a certain color either.
But, hey, to each her own.

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I don't think it was that you didn't care...It may have been that you and your bms have the same taste and didn't pick anything you think is unattractive or inappropriate to wear or anything to make them stand out more than you on YOUR wedding day. I don't think JanuaryBride is being out of line by asking her FSIL to change her hair color..... Why should anything upset her on her wedding day? Or before for that matter. JMHO

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Posted by SexyEsq

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Posted by JessicaM.


my issue really is not whether or not one has uniformed sentinels or not, but rather the respect that is shown to the event by the BM and also where one draws the line on what can and can't be dictated by the bride.

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I think where one draws the line is a very personal decision. One of my BM told me a particular color looked horrible on her and asked that I not pick that color for her dress, so I didn't. I have picked a color that I like, that will also look good on all my girls. I have vetoed a dress I loved (and picked out) that after seeing on one of my girls, didn't think it did her justice. I asked them what kind of shoes they would prefer to wear, and let them discuss it amongst themselves and get back to me on their collective decision. I also asked if they want to do their own hair & makeup, or pay to have it done day of. They all reached a consensus on that as well.

I think the word Bridezilla originated from those brides who don't draw the line, and dictate every little detail, and there are some out there. It all comes down to what is important to the bride herself, and what she wants. We all have our own inner compass, and have to let that serve as our guide.

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Posted by ChristineAE

Honestly Jess, I understand where you're coming from, but I'm also the type of Bride that doesn't care what my BM looks like. I chose her b/c I love her inside and out and want her to be a special part of my life by honoring me and being a part of my wedding.

All of my girls are wearing the same dress in the same color, but everything else is up to them. I'm not expecting uniform hair, MU, jewelry, shoes, etc....

JMHO: However, I think it's very selfish to ask someone to be a part of your bridal party and expect them to change something that they are comfortable being with.

If my BM had a lot of tatoos, a varying hair color, piercings, etc...I know this ahead of time, and would make a conscience decision whether or not I want someone like that to 'represent' me on my day, otherwise, I wouldn't have asked them to be a part of your BP.

I'm comfortable with them being themself and that inclues what they are comfortable looking like.

In regards to the hair color thread, you have to keep in mind that people express themselves in varying ways. It's not up to us to decide if it's a permanent thing or not. It's not up to us to decide how important or unimportant it is. Some people might feel a HUGE adoration for their hair. I know girls that freak out when they cut a quarter of an inch off. Who am I to say 'it's not a big deal, change it, you can always change it back.' Ya know?

Okay, I'm just rambling now, so I'll shutup.

eta: spelling

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

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Posted by JennJay

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

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Posted by JessicaM.

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look, I have no intention of starting or participating in any arguments



yes. please ladies. I don't want this to turn into a drama thread. we are having an interesting DISCUSSION here, and I don't feel anyone is being harsh or anything like that.

let's not monitor each other here, ok.

thanks.

Lauren, I think, at least in my view, the difference bet. weight and hair color is b/c it seems so easily changed and requires a lot less effort. it is also something that can be swtiched back pretty readily. I mean, I guess it does kind of have to do with conformity. there are plenty of women out there that are overweight in varying degrees..it doesn't really stick out much...but FLAMING pink hair...that's hard to ignore.