Stessing Out (sorry.. long)

I am totally stressing out about my parents and my FIL's hating each other.
FH is from upstate and his parents are totally clueless about how much a wedding costs here. They think we are rich. He told them the other day that the total for the wedding is probably going to be about $30,000 and his mom thought that it was crazy to be spending that much. The last time they had anything to do with planning a wedding it was 10 years ago and upstate. I am concerned they think Ime and my parents are snobs and we can throw money around like it grows on trees.
On the other side, my parents think his parents are cheap because they are contributing very little for the wedding- the same amount they gave FH's brother when he got married 12 years ago (and upstate). They didn't want to stay two nights when we have the enagement party because they didn't want to spend the money to stay the extra night in a hotel. The party is at 12:30 pm, they wanted to leave that same day, drive for 6 hours in the morning.... I didn't even tell my parents about that because I thought it would just add to the resentment they already have towards them. I kind of feel like they are being stingy too, the not staying the extra night for the eparty really got to me. I told FH to tell them I would pay for the extra night if money was such an issue.
Both his parents work, they are not poor by anymeans. Am I being ridiculous? I just really want everyone to like each other, and I am afraid they already hate each other and they haven't even met yet.

Hmm well it is a total culture shock for his parents because new york weddings are crazy. Maybe they could talk somehow??

Thye must be able to get together to break the ice before hand, it will make you feel so much better.

i think its hard to explain to someone who is not from long island, how much $$ weddings actually cost. 30k is a lot, but its still less expensive then the average wedding. honestly, i would keep the parents seperated, don't tell one what the other is doing. it sounds strange, but as far as i know, my parents haven't even spoken to my sisters fh's family about the upcoming wedding in august. they only just met for the first time in july. sister and fh have been together on and off for over 6 years - go fig! but don't stress, you can't change his parents and he can't change yours. i have a feeling that my fil's will cry broke when we ask them for the $1500 for the wedding. we asked both parents for the same amount of $$, figured it was just easier that way. try not to stress, i'm sure it'll work itself out

Everyone thinks our LI wedding are CRAZY!!!
No one....if they didnt come from around here...would spend that much money...its just the way things are....
LOL!!!!

Thanks so much for your advice everyone!