Sticky Situ with FMIL - advice please?

hey girls! i hope that your planning is going well! so i am having a bit of an issue with my FMIL and not sure what to do..

about a month ago for my birthday she gave me a necklace to wear as my DOJ. she bought it from some catalog and it was called the 'elizabeth' necklace (my name) so she bought it. it wasnt really my style and i want to pick out my own DOJ but i didnt have the heart to tell her. so i figured i'll tell her it doesnt really work with my dress and just wear it around her some other time so as to not hurt her feelings. then a few weeks ago she gave me this angora wool stole to wear over my dress for outdoor pics, etc. again not really my style and when i tried it on it was shedding everywhere (to which she responded 'oh dont worry it doesnt matter your dress is white it wont show'). but my wedding is in may so i figured it will probably be warm enough that i wont need it so i can get out of that one too. now this past weekend she gave me 4 hair clips that she bought for me to wear on the wedding day. again really not my style and i have already seen things that i want to buy...but of course i didnt tell her this.

now i dont know what to do! i dont want to hurt her feelings but i also dont want to wear the necklace, the clips or the stole! do i just suck it up and wear one of the three? what if she gives me MORE stuff i dont like! any ideas?

thanks :)

Honestly if it was me, I would just tell her in a nice way thank you but they don't really go well with your dress, and it's not exactly what you have in mind. I know it's a hard situation bc you don't want to hurt her feelings, and honestly you prob will a little bit. But I think it's important to be happy and feel great on your wedding day.

I would never wear something my fmil gave me only to appease her. I would think about your happiness first, and just be nice about it to her. She'll get over it quickly I'm sure. What did your fh say about this?

Can you wear the things she got you at other times - i.e. what about your rehearsal dinner?

Just let her know you really appreciate the things she got you and they were so thoughtful but you're not sure if they'll fit with the weather for the wedding and the style of the dress, and that you can't wait to wear it at other times. I don't think you should wear the things she got you just to make her happy. Also, I think maybe if you sit down with her and tell her the truth she'd appreciate that more.

Maybe you can also involve her in choosing out the new things, so she feels part of the process? Have her come with you when you look at jewelry, etc.

that is a tough situation to be in. very nice of her to get you these things but shouldnt expect you to wear them without knowing if you like them or not.
To handle what she already gave you, i would wear it to the rehearsal or other times and going forward when she gives you something (anything) just say...i already have that (no matter what is it). I already have DOJ, i already have a purse, etc.

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Posted by adelz

Can you wear the things she got you at other times - i.e. what about your rehearsal dinner?

Just let her know you really appreciate the things she got you and they were so thoughtful but you're not sure if they'll fit with the weather for the wedding and the style of the dress, and that you can't wait to wear it at other times. I don't think you should wear the things she got you just to make her happy. Also, I think maybe if you sit down with her and tell her the truth she'd appreciate that more.

Maybe you can also involve her in choosing out the new things, so she feels part of the process? Have her come with you when you look at jewelry, etc.

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This exactly! Especially the last part about maybe having her pick out some new things with you!

I def would not wear anything to make her happy--it's your wedding day! I am excited to pick all my jewelry and stuff myself and I'm sure you are too! it's def nice of her, but I see your point 100%.

Thank you very much for the good advice, girls!! That is a great idea to wear the necklace other times and then get her involved in picking out other stuff. She lives like 5 mins from that Bridal Styles Boutique in Brooklyn so I'm good to go -- great suggestion!

I feel way better that I can avoid wearing the things on the wedding day and still show her that I appreciate her generosity and keep her involved in the accessorizing process! Thank you!! :)

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Posted by adelz

Can you wear the things she got you at other times - i.e. what about your rehearsal dinner?

Just let her know you really appreciate the things she got you and they were so thoughtful but you're not sure if they'll fit with the weather for the wedding and the style of the dress, and that you can't wait to wear it at other times. I don't think you should wear the things she got you just to make her happy. Also, I think maybe if you sit down with her and tell her the truth she'd appreciate that more.

Maybe you can also involve her in choosing out the new things, so she feels part of the process? Have her come with you when you look at jewelry, etc.

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ITA with this. I was going to say - wear the things to your RD or Shower instead.

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Posted by leesah85

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Posted by adelz

Can you wear the things she got you at other times - i.e. what about your rehearsal dinner?

Just let her know you really appreciate the things she got you and they were so thoughtful but you're not sure if they'll fit with the weather for the wedding and the style of the dress, and that you can't wait to wear it at other times. I don't think you should wear the things she got you just to make her happy. Also, I think maybe if you sit down with her and tell her the truth she'd appreciate that more.

Maybe you can also involve her in choosing out the new things, so she feels part of the process? Have her come with you when you look at jewelry, etc.

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ITA with this. I was going to say - wear the things to your RD or Shower instead.

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All of this!

But it is so sweet that she wants to get you things! Maybe you can kind of drop hints about what you like, so if she wants to get you something else it will be more in line with what you want - like 'hey FMIL, I really love this bracelet, I think something like this would go great with my dress, don't you?'

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Posted by adelz

Can you wear the things she got you at other times - i.e. what about your rehearsal dinner?

Just let her know you really appreciate the things she got you and they were so thoughtful but you're not sure if they'll fit with the weather for the wedding and the style of the dress, and that you can't wait to wear it at other times. I don't think you should wear the things she got you just to make her happy. Also, I think maybe if you sit down with her and tell her the truth she'd appreciate that more.

Maybe you can also involve her in choosing out the new things, so she feels part of the process? Have her come with you when you look at jewelry, etc.

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THIS

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Posted by legalchef

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Posted by leesah85

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Posted by adelz

Can you wear the things she got you at other times - i.e. what about your rehearsal dinner?

Just let her know you really appreciate the things she got you and they were so thoughtful but you're not sure if they'll fit with the weather for the wedding and the style of the dress, and that you can't wait to wear it at other times. I don't think you should wear the things she got you just to make her happy. Also, I think maybe if you sit down with her and tell her the truth she'd appreciate that more.

Maybe you can also involve her in choosing out the new things, so she feels part of the process? Have her come with you when you look at jewelry, etc.

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ITA with this. I was going to say - wear the things to your RD or Shower instead.

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All of this!

But it is so sweet that she wants to get you things! Maybe you can kind of drop hints about what you like, so if she wants to get you something else it will be more in line with what you want - like 'hey FMIL, I really love this bracelet, I think something like this would go great with my dress, don't you?'

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thanks so much! these are great ideas :) that way I can still let her know that i appreciate the gesture and guide her towards my style a little better. thank you! :)