ok let me start off by saying fh mom n dad r divorced and fh mom HATES his dad...
fh does not really talk to his dad,once in a while but not often...they r on civil terms but thats it(bad bad divorce)..so fh and i see his dad today..he says congrats etc etc...fh mom does not know we r seeing him cause we dont want to upset her....now fh dad knows he is not coming to wedding(out of respect to fh mom who i am VERY VERY close to) he is fine by this.....today he tells fh he wants to give him some money towards the wedding..we r in shock....now 1. do u take the money..which would help out so much since we r paying on our own..but we feel weird cause he is not coming to wedding...and 2 if we did take it do we tell fh mom..i think she would dieif she knew he was trying to help out after years of him not?
GT143EA
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
hmmmmmm....that is a hard situation! I would say take the money and dont tell fh's mom....she doesnt need to know.
ttdiff11
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
little34
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
I would take it because it is still his dad and I am sure his dad wants to do something for his son. I don't think I would tell FH mom though.....the fight is between his mom and dad so just keep things seperate.
That is really nice of his dad to want to help. It is tough because a divorce is really between the parents but spills down to the kids and it is hard not to take sides....but like I said, I am sure his dad just wants to do something for his son because he loves him. Maybe when you take the money from him you can just explain that you would love to have him there but you have to respect his mom...yadda yadda yadda.... that way you are acknowledging the gesture.
NikkiR515
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
Posted by GT143EA
hmmmmmm....that is a hard situation! I would say take the money and dont tell fh's mom....she doesnt need to know.
I completely agree...
HappyBride22
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
Take it, use it towards the honeymoon, dont bother telling his mom, what she doesnt know wont hurt her
ttdiff11
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
oo im sorrry!! i read the post wrong!!
lilmartha59
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
i would take it and not tell the mom...and im sure his father would feel nice at least giving you guys money even if he wont be at the wedding
gina409
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
trust me girls i want to take this money sooooo bad...but i just dont think i could not tell fmil....i have known this woman for 15 years....hmmm we r going to have to really sleep on this
thanks girls
alli3131
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
I would let FH decide if he wants to take the money. Maybe FH's dad is trying to do the right thing and even though he may not have in the past . I would stay out of this and leave it up to FH.
NikkiR515
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
Posted by gina409
trust me girls i want to take this money sooooo bad...but i just dont think i could not tell fmil....i have known this woman for 15 years....hmmm we r going to have to really sleep on this
thanks girls
I know what you mean... It is hard to keep things from people you are close to... But take it from someone who has been there.. Sometimes it is best to just keep things to yourself. My parents are divorced and while they get along great now (thank god!) there were times when they did not always meet eye to eye.. There is nothing worse than being caught in the middle of parents who do not get a long!!!!! After a while I just had to learn to keep conversations and interactions with my parents to myself.. I know it is a horrible situation to be in and I think sleeping on it before making any decisions is the smartest thing to do!! Good luck with your decision!
dazey
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
i think you should take the money because it is probably his dad's way of being a part of the wedding, even if he can't go. i'm sure he really wants to help his son. as for telling fmil, i honestly don't know.
flairforfashion
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
Posted by NikkiR515
Posted by GT143EA
hmmmmmm....that is a hard situation! I would say take the money and dont tell fh's mom....she doesnt need to know.
I completely agree...
Me three. This is simply between FH and his Father.
MrsJuneB2B
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
i'm not one for keeping secrets many times...but sometimes, it's okay. in this situation, i think it's okay. you don't need to discuss your money situation with your FMIL. you're not lying, you're just not disclosing the truth, which really is different. especially because in this case, what she doesn't know, really can't hurt her. and i don't think it's wrong to take the money even though he's not going. he knows he's not going, yet he offered. that, to me, means he wants to, so i'd let him. i don't know the situation so HTH!
BarbieGrl10
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
I wouldn't take it. My reasons are: 1. If you take it and lie about it to your FMIL you will feel guilty... thats not the way you want your marriage to start out. 2. Even thought FFIL knows hes not invited to the wedding it would still be weird to take the money and not send him an invite. I kinda think it will lead to this the closer you get. 3. If he wants to give you a gift. Then he can give you the money for your wedding after its over. That way to FMIL its just his wedding gift to you... not that he is paying for the reception(or whatever).
littlepixie12
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
first if you decide to take it, dont tell the mom... second Im sure the dad wants to help and feel like he is there in some way because he isnt going to the wedding
FinallyMrsB18
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
geez that is sticky. i think it is really nice of him to offer to help pay for something. i would feel kind of funny that he wasn't coming to the wedding also. i am not sure. what if you put the money he gives you towards something kinda wedding related like the honeymoon, or the hotel for the night of. as for telling FMIL i would wait until after the wedding. just so it doesn't stress her out. or maybe if she knew she would think better about him, and wouldn't mind him coming to the wedding? i think you should tell her, but not sure when. good luck.
meara
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
gina .I totally understand why you don't want to tell FMIL and I think you can take the money and not tell her. . i mean if she asked directly where money came from something I think that that is different b/c then you would be lying but I don't think that just not telling her is dishonest. . on the other hand you could tell her and frame it just like you did. . that while it's a nice gesture to take offer money and you appreciate it, you appreciate her and her relationship so much more and money could never take the place of what you have. . I don't know. . .
allegracristina
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
Hey G, I would graciously accept the money from FH's dad, write him a very nice note, and keep the status of not inviting him to the wedding. I wouldn't mention any of it to FH's mom, and I would hope he would do the same. Unless FH's dad is a crazy person, this seems like a nice gesture and as long as you really kindly and nicely explain to him that you so appreciate this, it really helps etc, but you cannot invite him to the wedding and you hope he understands that, then all is well! Just don't tell the FMIL because she'll just get upset.
lauraandrob2009
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Re: sticky situation..what would u do?
I think if he offered, even though he knows he won't be going, you take it. You need it and he's not asking for anything in return. Maybe it's his way of making up for the past. I would just make sure it's not something that could come back - like, is he the type who would throw that out to the FMIL at a later date? It doesn't sound like he would since he's agreed to not attend the wedding out of respect. I personally think it's no one else's business that he wants to give it to you. I think you make a decision that it's private and leave it at that - do not tell the FMIL. It's none of her business really what someone gives as a gift. Getting her involved is you getting involved in their issues and I just think you should avoid that. Good luck.
