Strange One Liners From a Strange Person (me)
Strange One Liners
Those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Guests who kill talk show hosts-On the last Geraldo.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies.
Those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Guests who kill talk show hosts-On the last Geraldo.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies.
