Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

I need some advice. I have a pretty big wedding party, which I am learning know was a terrible idea, and I am not that fussy of a bride or looking for my party to spend a lot. With that in mind the maid of honor is having a low cost shower for me at one of the other bridemaid's houses. I found out about this however because my MoH called me today really upset about the below situation because she isn't sure how to resolve the below issue. Not ever being a bridesmaid myself I wanted some feedback.

Because many of my bridemaids live out of state, they are doing the shower and the bachelorette party the same weekend/day. The bridesmaid whose house it is at has a friend coming in from out of state that weekend and is being very adamant that this person, who I don't know at all and have never met, join us at the bachelorette party (and they will obviously be at the shower). Her reasoning is that she is already offering up the house and should be paid that respect. Apparently she is being very rude to my MoH regarding the situation and she didn't tell my MoH this friend was in town before they all picked the date. My MoH was getting frustrated with this and spoke to me about the situation earlier, to which we decided to tell her that person couldn't come. It just seemed awkward and an usual request. Ultimately, she was told this and because of this she's opting to not attend the bachelorette party at all because she feels shafted.

I can understand her perspective but feel like better planning should have taken place, and having a stranger at your bachelorette party seems awkward to me. It means a lot to me to spend time with these special ladies, and don't know what to do from here.

What should be done in this situation? Does she have a point? Should we reassess the situation and suggest she invite her friend? I just don't know what to do since I've never been a bridesmaid myself.

Re: Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

It was pretty poor planning.. Although it's kind of awkward for your bridesmaid as well. Where is she suppose to dump her friend during your Bridal Shower & Bachelorette party, ya know?

Re: Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

Is the date set in stone? It seems to me that the easiest plan would be to choose another weekend where your BM's houseguest wouldn't be an issue. Unless, of course, all the other BMs already made travel plans...

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

From my understanding I think the travel plans have already been made and both are pretty soon. Also money has been put down for something related to one of the parties.

Re: Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

i think now that it has become a big issue, there are a few things that could happen

1) she comes to the parties and its the big elephant in the room and you are super aware and makes it awkward
2) she doesnt come and your friend is pissed and she doesnt come herself to any of the events.


whats more important to you.. loosing your friend there, or having someone in the back ground that may not even be a big issue..

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

I would have just let the friend come. She might be really nice and fun!

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

ITA that letting the friend come may be the best option. As the bride, you have the opportunity to set the tone and if you can let it be no big deal and just focus on having a nice time, everyone else may just go with the flow. I bet it's not that much fun for the friend either, coming for a visit and getting caught up in someone else's events, but you can be the gracious bride here and make it a win-win for all.

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

Is it really that big of a deal to include 1 more person? She is doing a HUGE favor offering her home. Imho, it's the least that can be done. It is prolly already going to be awkward for this 'stranger' who may or may not know they aren't really welcome to the events. I try to imagine myself in their predicament.

Re: Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

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Posted by scottsbride

I would have just let the friend come. She might be really nice and fun!

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Ita!!!

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

i think you should just let her come, too

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

Just let her come. I don't see what the big deal is. Hopefully she'll bring you a gift as well!

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

I definitely see where you are coming from. But I wouldn't stress about it. Do whatever you think is right, it's your party, and don't feel as if you owe anyone an explanation. If you really don't want her there I think your friend should understand. To be honest, I am not sure why that girl would want to come. If I was in her situation I would opt to just rent a movie and kick back on the couch for the night ...But, even so if she does come I am sure she will be totally nice and you might even end up hitting it off with someone new. Maybe you guys can arrange to grab coffee or something before you can meet her and feel her out before making your decision at least she wont be a complete stranger then.

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

I definitely think it was poor planning on your friends part. If she already knew the date of your events she should have had her friend come another time. On the other hand maybe this is the only time her friend can come visit and they thought that she can come and hang out and it would be a lot of fun. I think that her friend should be invited because she may be a really cool girl and it's not like she is coming to your wedding. I would extend the invite and be sincere about it so they don't feel uncomfortable.

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

if i was said stranger, i would feel awkward and wouldnt tag along to your parties. i dont think its worth fighting your bridesmaid on this one - she may be left with extremely hurt feelings (though it is very poor planning on her part). i would probably bank on the stranger not tagging along. and if she does, then she can sit in the corner or make the most of it!

Re: Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

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Posted by Serenalee13

I definitely think it was poor planning on your friends part. If she already knew the date of your events she should have had her friend come another time. On the other hand maybe this is the only time her friend can come visit and they thought that she can come and hang out and it would be a lot of fun. I think that her friend should be invited because she may be a really cool girl and it's not like she is coming to your wedding. I would extend the invite and be sincere about it so they don't feel uncomfortable.

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I agree. Don't stress the little things.

Re: Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

That is definitely poor planning on your friends part. If I were you I would probably just let this person come to avoid more drama, but I would also say something to that friend about it. not in an argumentative way , but just something about how it might be a little bit awkward if her friend comes since no one else even knows her. If the girl doesn't fit in then it'll be her job to keep this girl occupied while the rest of you have fun!

Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

simply change the location! ask another BM or family member to host the shower, and another to host the bachelorette party or simply go out for the bachelorette party and explain to your rude BM that the stranger is not allowed. I would be adamant about this because she should have mentioned to you earlier that she had an unexpected friend coming. this isn't a free for all sweety, this is your wedding :)

Re: Stranger at Bachelorette party and Shower?

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Posted by scottsbride

I would have just let the friend come. She might be really nice and fun!

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THIS ^^^^