Stressed Over Wedding List

Does anyone feel this way?

We have our save the dates and want to send them out but we still have so many questions about who we are inviting. I talked to FH's sister about it and she explained who was related to who and helped out by telling me who she and her sister invited to their weddings. Right now, my dad has a list of questions to answer about my stepmother's family and my mom has a list of her friends. I feel like the list is out of my hands!

Here is where I am really stressing- our list is 239 invites and 50 on the b list (if there is one). Our room only seats 200 people and there is not an option of another room because the venue only has one event at a time.

So, I want to get the list out of the way now so I make sure I am only sending save the dates to who should get them. This should be our friends and close family and any out of town guests. But, then there is the dilemma over who speaks to who and who is who's sister etc.

I am completely stressed over this and wish there was an easier way.

I was feeling the same way with our STD's and my parents invite list kept growing. What we decided to to instead of sending out A and B list invitations....is make sure all 'A' list people got a STD. If they were considered 'B' list, they didnt get one. If it got closer and we thought we'd invite them we'll send them a regular invite. We hoped that maybe some people after getting the magnets might be able to tell us if they could verbally come or not.

Hope that helps.

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Posted by akrasner

I was feeling the same way with our STD's and my parents invite list kept growing. What we decided to to instead of sending out A and B list invitations....is make sure all 'A' list people got a STD. If they were considered 'B' list, they didnt get one. If it got closer and we thought we'd invite them we'll send them a regular invite. We hoped that maybe some people after getting the magnets might be able to tell us if they could verbally come or not.

Hope that helps.

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That's a good idea. It's just that on our A list, we have all of FH's extended family that we really don't know and some of our parents friends. We weren't going to send STD's to them. I feel like none of this makes sense. I hope by stressing over this now, it is easier when we send our invitations.

To be honest...that is my biggest problem with save the dates and exactly why we don't think we are sending them. Though over half our list is out of town so that leaves us with a different dilemma.

Good luck!

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Posted by missliss

I would say only send them to the people that you really want to come. The people that you really want to 'save the date'. I'm sure there's lots of people on your list that it wouldn't be a big deal whether they actually came or not, so don't worry about sending STDs to them.

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I agree. That is what I have been doing.

after sending my std's out this is what I realized:

No one informed us if they completely knew they weren't coming to the wedding which we had hoped for.

NEVER send it out to people who you are good friends with just who you are REALLY good friends with. The people you think are you friends seem to drop off the face of the earth once wedding gets mentioned and you wish you didn't send them the STD.

DO not send to coworkers - things change ( i thank god didn't do this)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now for guest list DO NOT invite the limit of your room and then some. Because even if you have 10-15% of no's to be at a rooms max is WAY too tight I don't care what they say. Every large wedding I have been to has been at the room's max if not just a hair less and we were like sardines.

Shave off co-workers, second cousins, family you have not seen in 10 years or more or even dates (do this lastly). Tell your parents that you need to cap their guest list.

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Posted by nifheim

after sending my std's out this is what I realized:

No one informed us if they completely knew they weren't coming to the wedding which we had hoped for.

NEVER send it out to people who you are good friends with just who you are REALLY good friends with. The people you think are you friends seem to drop off the face of the earth once wedding gets mentioned and you wish you didn't send them the STD.

DO not send to coworkers - things change ( i thank god didn't do t

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now for guest list DO NOT invite the limit of your room and then some. Because even if you have 10-15% of no's to be at a rooms max is WAY too tight I don't care what they say. Every large wedding I have been to has been at the room's max if not just a hair less and we were like sardines.

Shave off co-workers, second cousins, family you have not seen in 10 years or more or even dates (do this lastly). Tell your parents that you need to cap their guest list.

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What great advice! So far we only have 2 coworkers each but we were friends with them before. We also have only close friends. I took off people I have talked to in awhile for the STD list and maybe more.

I would love to shave off second cousins and family members that we have never heard of, but that seems to be in our parents hands. They keep linking people to one another. This is pretty much in control and FH is going through his list again to take people off.

yea to me the guest list was the worst by far - now i am scared when we do tables IoI I had a official list together of 90 people four months after our engagement over a year before our wedding - then it grew to 160 right before STD's got sent out now we shaved it down to 130.

Our min is only 80 and our max is 210. So by us getting rid of family we haven't talked to and my parents only could invite two friends from each parent we really did get our list cut down.

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Posted by hyphenbride

I made a crazy spread sheet on Excel to try to determine who would be coming to the wedding. I then ranked how likely I thought every person/couple was to come. People were given a 0%, 0.25, 0.50, 0.75, or 1.00 likelihood of coming. I then multiplied it all together to get an estimate of how many people would come to the wedding. Doing that may give you a good idea of how many people will actually come to the wedding.

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Oh my goodness! Sounds like so much work. Great idea though. I may do this when I have some time off!

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Posted by nifheim

after sending my std's out this is what I realized:

No one informed us if they completely knew they weren't coming to the wedding which we had hoped for.

NEVER send it out to people who you are good friends with just who you are REALLY good friends with. The people you think are you friends seem to drop off the face of the earth once wedding gets mentioned and you wish you didn't send them the STD.

DO not send to coworkers - things change ( i thank god didn't do this)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now for guest list DO NOT invite the limit of your room and then some. Because even if you have 10-15% of no's to be at a rooms max is WAY too tight I don't care what they say. Every large wedding I have been to has been at the room's max if not just a hair less and we were like sardines.

Shave off co-workers, second cousins, family you have not seen in 10 years or more or even dates (do this lastly). Tell your parents that you need to cap their guest list.

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FABULOUS advice - THANK YOU! I am in the process of figuring out who to send send STDs to and I'm in the stage.