Stuck in between a rock and a hard place (BIL / friend issue) - very long story
THIS IS A LONG ONE..
a year and a half before hub and i married, my bil, JOHN dated this girl, JANE for several years. i saw a lot of her and we've become close friends... when i got engaged i asked her be my bride's maid and in between engagement and wedding day they had a really bad break up. but in the end, she handled everything so gracefully. he on the other hand...
while they dated (for several years) obviously they built a tight bond. his credit is less than perfect so she would help him get a car, credit cards, etx and all under her name. he's gotten her gifts for v-days, bdays, x'mas', etx all under the credit cards. some ppl just don't understand what it means to save money and he's one of 'em.
(he cheated on Jane and is still w the same woman. recently found out he got her preg and married her a couple of wks ago)
when they broke up they had baggage! and all about material things. the car & credit cards were under her name.. (hell! he even used it right after they broke up!) He needs his car to get to work so she let him continue with the car but only if he continues to pay for it. and then it's the credit card. he racked up about $6,000 worth! she needed that payed off and they worked it out (however not in her favor) by him paying $300 a month but as time went on he started paying less and less. it soon became $100 a month. he even debates all teh expensive gadgets he got jane should be collateral. legally speaking, a gift is a gift... not payment.
just a couple of months ago he got into a bad car accident. the car was totalled and ultimately he needed to get a new car. so with the insurance money he get one of those big lexus suv's.
since finding out about the accident and seeing the new car was a shocker to me. all i kept on thinking about was Jane. i would want to know if this happened to me! but he's my BIL. i was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place...
Jane mentioned a couple of days ago that she ever recieved a payment from him i decided to tell her abotu the car accident. i didn't tell her about the new car, baby news and wed because he made me promise not to tell her - now how pathetic was that?! i don't think his wife knows anything about Jane still being linked to John. i just don't think Jane should be linked to him anymore. I've also mentioned to her that she should speak to my other BIL, JOE. Joe in comparison to John is more of an upstanding citizen. They both still communicate so i told Jane to talk to Joe in hopes that he'll tell her everything. Jane's also close friends with Joe and his wife (jane was also the moh at their wedding). so i was hoping if she would talk to both Joe and his wife maybe they'll tell her everything...?
Now Jane's upset with me. she's upset that it took me so long to tell her about the car accident. i did apologize. i sent her an email explaining the situation... he's family and she's a good friend. i just didn't know how to approach it. i left it up to her to contact me when she's ready.
what do you think? am i making sense? give me your advice, pls. is there anything else i can do or should do? or let the ball roll off by itself from here on? anything would be greatly appreciated!
a year and a half before hub and i married, my bil, JOHN dated this girl, JANE for several years. i saw a lot of her and we've become close friends... when i got engaged i asked her be my bride's maid and in between engagement and wedding day they had a really bad break up. but in the end, she handled everything so gracefully. he on the other hand...
while they dated (for several years) obviously they built a tight bond. his credit is less than perfect so she would help him get a car, credit cards, etx and all under her name. he's gotten her gifts for v-days, bdays, x'mas', etx all under the credit cards. some ppl just don't understand what it means to save money and he's one of 'em.
(he cheated on Jane and is still w the same woman. recently found out he got her preg and married her a couple of wks ago)
when they broke up they had baggage! and all about material things. the car & credit cards were under her name.. (hell! he even used it right after they broke up!) He needs his car to get to work so she let him continue with the car but only if he continues to pay for it. and then it's the credit card. he racked up about $6,000 worth! she needed that payed off and they worked it out (however not in her favor) by him paying $300 a month but as time went on he started paying less and less. it soon became $100 a month. he even debates all teh expensive gadgets he got jane should be collateral. legally speaking, a gift is a gift... not payment.
just a couple of months ago he got into a bad car accident. the car was totalled and ultimately he needed to get a new car. so with the insurance money he get one of those big lexus suv's.
since finding out about the accident and seeing the new car was a shocker to me. all i kept on thinking about was Jane. i would want to know if this happened to me! but he's my BIL. i was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place...
Jane mentioned a couple of days ago that she ever recieved a payment from him i decided to tell her abotu the car accident. i didn't tell her about the new car, baby news and wed because he made me promise not to tell her - now how pathetic was that?! i don't think his wife knows anything about Jane still being linked to John. i just don't think Jane should be linked to him anymore. I've also mentioned to her that she should speak to my other BIL, JOE. Joe in comparison to John is more of an upstanding citizen. They both still communicate so i told Jane to talk to Joe in hopes that he'll tell her everything. Jane's also close friends with Joe and his wife (jane was also the moh at their wedding). so i was hoping if she would talk to both Joe and his wife maybe they'll tell her everything...?
Now Jane's upset with me. she's upset that it took me so long to tell her about the car accident. i did apologize. i sent her an email explaining the situation... he's family and she's a good friend. i just didn't know how to approach it. i left it up to her to contact me when she's ready.
what do you think? am i making sense? give me your advice, pls. is there anything else i can do or should do? or let the ball roll off by itself from here on? anything would be greatly appreciated!
