SWR: Friend Vent

I am LIVID.
My Bridal Shower was sunday. (Yay)
At my 'friend' table I sat a woman that I used to work for -- she is a partner at a law firm -- and i sat a friend from camp when i was younger 'B' and a friend from nursery school and camp, 'R'. Well B and R were friends when they were like 16 but lost touch. B knows i am friends with R and always complained that they aren't friends. R didnt really like B. Ok B is a lawyer that hates her job.
Soooo... at my shower, B comes over to me and says 'Is it ok if I ask your friend (the partner) if she can hire me?' I looked at her and just kind of gave a blank look. (Really, job hunting is not what she should be doing at my shower!)
Then I turn around and she is talking to my older sister and like ATTACHED to her. My sister tells me later that she asked for my sister's email and asked her if she could get her a job at her law firm!
Then, I get an email from R today telling me that B emailed her and asked when they could make plans!
EEEW First off, my shower is NOT a networking event. Where the heck did she think she was, Court? A Bar Event? what is WRONG with her. Like my closest friends and MOH have nothing better to do at my shower then help her get a freaking job?
Secondly, how dare she come to my shower and become this disgusting social leech. She came and sat with my friends, this does not give her the right to essentially make them hers! Does she not have ANY friends? I HATE people like that. It is nice to have different groups of friends. I went to her wedding chatted with people and left. I did not get emails and make buddies. Meanwhile -- she hasn't even emailed me ab out the shower but she is connecting with my friends.
I am so peeved. I want to call her on it. I want to write an email and just say 'did you actually ask my sister for a job at my shower?' Ugh. It is so awkward no R feels funny because she is going to see B at the wedding and how can she not respond to the emails and attempts to go out? what do you do here? am i wrong for being angry?

no... you're not wrong. your friend is just rude... and to bother you with that during YOUR shower just makes me SPEECHLESS! I don't blame your other friend and sister for being hit up for jobs at YOUR shower... and now it will be awkward for them at the wedding.

I'm assuming no one wants to get her a job?

No. My sister thought it was incredibly rude. Oh and before the shower my sister had invited her to the bachelorette party and now she is going to be with all my friends again.

I really want to put her in her place. I had told her a thousand times that I would speak to my sister and see if there were any openings for her and she always said no no no she doesnt want to do that area of law. Then at my shower she bee lines to my sister and talks her ear off for half hour??? She could have easily said, can you ask your sister about it some time? THAT is NETWORKING in a TASTEFUL way. How rude is she????

I'm a lawyer. BUMP. I'll let 'B' have my job. She will be ever so sorry she tried to network through you since my job is terrible!

All kidding aside, it was a bit pushy of her, but the legal market is so tight that many lawyers try to get job leads wherever and whenever they can. It's okay to be angry, but take my word for it that it's very hard to start out in this profession, especially if you have no experience. Also, a lot of lawyers are aggressive which is valued in this profession. Don't let it eat at you; I doubt it was personal.

When I was unemployed with no experience, I used to ask around wherever I could. Either you have experience in this field, or you had better have good connections.

She probably has never heard of 'right timing'. That was not the place to network. It was inappropriate, pushy and rude.

I doubt she is going to get a job that way.

I actually do not think she really want to 'steal' your friends. I think she just want to 'use' them to get her a job but act like she is friendly.

Oh, she already has a job! And, I offered to help her. But don't you think it makes people a little uncomfortable.
I am a lawyer and if i were at a social event be it a shower, wedding, party.... i would be really put off by that. She should have just said, Lisa can you put in a good word for me? Or, can you hand over my resume some time?
I would NEVER do that. It is just so ridiculously rude. I understand the job market, but really -- it was down right embarassing and awkward for me

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Posted by LisaJill

Oh, she already has a job! And, I offered to help her. But don't you think it makes people a little uncomfortable.
I am a lawyer and if i were at a social event be it a shower, wedding, party.... i would be really put off by that. She should have just said, Lisa can you put in a good word for me? Or, can you hand over my resume some time?
I would NEVER do that. It is just so ridiculously rude. I understand the job market, but really -- it was down right embarassing and awkward for me

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I'm sorry that this upset you so much. It probably wouldn't bother me, but everyone has different tolerance levels for different things. I do see how her behavior was rude and selfish. I agree that I would not have gone to the extent she did, because that was your own special day to enjoy and she decided to make it about her. I had my shower also, though I have no idea if any of my friends networked, or what they were talking about at their tables. I just tried to enjoy my day.

That said, I think that for your own peace of mind, you should express your feelings to her about how her behavior has affected your ability to enjoy your own shower, in addition to how awkward it made several of your guests feel.

To be honest with you what she did would not really bother me at all. But since you are bothered by it, you may want to say something because if her behavior at our shower bothered you so much, it might bother you even more if she does it at your wedding.

One thing though why do you mind if your different groups of friends also become friends, wouldn’t that make it even more fun to hang out all together?

I guess I need to explain more.
When we went to camp together, she always told me she wanted my family, me parents house, etc. when i went to college she told me she wanted to go where i was gong and then lied when she didn't get in. Then law school was the same thing. It is like Single White Female. She always wanted my parents, my sisters, everything. I introduce ehr to peope and she wants my friends. I introduce her to my former emplyer she wants my job. It just never ends. Can you understand a little better?

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Posted by LisaJill

I guess I need to explain more.
When we went to camp together, she always told me she wanted my family, me parents house, etc. when i went to college she told me she wanted to go where i was gong and then lied when she didn't get in. Then law school was the same thing. It is like Single White Female. She always wanted my parents, my sisters, everything. I introduce ehr to peope and she wants my friends. I introduce her to my former emplyer she wants my job. It just never ends. Can you understand a little better?

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that puts it in a clearer context!
at first, I just thought maybe her judgment was off b/c she's feeling desperate about the job thing. but with this history... yikes!

how have you addressed this with her in the past?

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Posted by LisaJill

I guess I need to explain more.
When we went to camp together, she always told me she wanted my family, me parents house, etc. when i went to college she told me she wanted to go where i was gong and then lied when she didn't get in. Then law school was the same thing. It is like Single White Female. She always wanted my parents, my sisters, everything. I introduce ehr to peope and she wants my friends. I introduce her to my former emplyer she wants my job. It just never ends. Can you understand a little better?

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It sounds like that's just the way she is. If the way she acts bothers you to this extent, is there a way you can gradually 'dissolve' the friendship? A good friendship should give you much more pleasure than it does pain. Just as some couples cannot get along, I believe the same is true with friends or other types of relationships. Sometimes interpersonal relationships are harmonious, sometimes they're like oil and water, and lots of times they fall somewhere in between.

You seem really offended and stressed out not only by her behavior at your shower, but also by her behavior for a large portion of your life. Why do you want to keep her as your friend?

I agree with pretty much everyone,. I think that she was totally rude for doing what she did and you have ever right to be mad!!
I think I would definitly say something to her just dont make it become WW3

Hope you don't mind an opinion from a mom here!

IMHO, I think you have too many other wedding-related stresses for you to get involved here as a referee. These people B is approaching are all adults and seasoned professionals. I think it's up to them to cut her off and say curtly 'I appreciate your interest, we can discuss this at another time.' Or laugh and say 'this is hardly the time or place that I want to be discussing work!' Or something along those lines.

I wouldn't worry if she feels insulted. She needs to learn when she is being inappropriate. But for you to tell her she was rude puts a gossip-behind-her-back spin on it, and I hope your sister and friends can be the ones to stop her networking by simply not participating!

BTW, my daughter's wedding is at your RH, in June 2007, can't wait to see your review! All best wishes to you!!

oh, do you think that your sister can get FH a better salary at her firm??? J/K!!!!

yes, that was WAY out of line. some people just don't realize it sometimes I'm afraid! hopefully your sister can let her down nicely and gently about the job requests and you won't have to be too involved in that.

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Posted by LisaJill

I guess I need to explain more.
When we went to camp together, she always told me she wanted my family, me parents house, etc. when i went to college she told me she wanted to go where i was gong and then lied when she didn't get in. Then law school was the same thing. It is like Single White Female. She always wanted my parents, my sisters, everything. I introduce ehr to peope and she wants my friends. I introduce her to my former emplyer she wants my job. It just never ends. Can you understand a little better?

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You know, I didn't see this before....but maybe you really shouldn't be friends with her.

Oh R just emailed me and told me that B emailed her 'why don't you and your husband go out with me and my husband for dinner in the next few weeks.' She did not invite me, she did not even mention me. You would think if two people met (or reconnected after not speaking for 12 years) they would at least invite the mutual friend that connected them. No she was sneaky, went behind my back and emailed a close friend of mine asking if they could go out together. More than that, I had emailed B a few days ago, sending her a picture of us from my shower. She didn't respond to my email and she emailed my friend and asked for plans.
Oh did i tell you that when my younger sister asked her where she is looking for a house with her husband, the girl responded by giving the address of the home I grew up in! Psycho.

I know that there are bigger things to stress out about but I am really angry with her and I can't believe she used my shower for her own motives. And not to even tell me that she is contacting my friends for plans -- and not including me! I have really had it. I want to call her on all this garbage! she is done!