Ok so has anyone every asked someone to be apart of there wedding party and then decided you didnt want them anymore.
I have a friend who has been my good friend for quite a few years now. I asked her to be in my bridal party a couple of months ago and now in like the last month or so she sounds so not interested in wedding details. She has a boyfriend now who she says they are always talking about there wedding (shes been dating him only 4 months)...Im stuck......I dont feel like she is being a very good friend right now and totally killing my excitement that I thought I would be able to share with her......what to do???
Note::Im not one of those brides that thinks she is the only getting married in the world....
kmkelly
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
Maybe start by initiating a discussion where you give her the option to back out? She may want to. Something like 'I know with all of YOUR planning, it may be too much to be part of my day, I'll completely understand .....'
aliwnec10
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
i wouldn't quite cut her off your BM list just yet. I understand that she's not interested in your wedding, but that's how some people are. Some girls don't like weddings and some don't get excited about them unless it's their own wedding. Unfortunately, you can't really expect your friend to be excited and to want to know about all the details because you'll only be let down (as you are).
If she's your friend and that's why you chose her, i wouldn't eliminate her as a BM... thats certainly not going to make things better. I don't know what i'm trying to say here... it just seems like its coming out all wrong.
Bottom line... you can't expect everyone to want to talk about your wedding or the details and certainly not all the time. I just think you should give her a little more time. (Not all girls are interested in weddings, just like many fiances aren't interested in the details of the wedding either). To each their own. If she's your friend and the only thing bugging you right now is her lack of interest, i would let it go and find someone else to talk about the wedding with. JMHO.
metmymatch
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
Posted by aliwnec10
i wouldn't quite cut her off your BM list just yet. I understand that she's not interested in your wedding, but that's how some people are. Some girls don't like weddings and some don't get excited about them unless it's their own wedding. Unfortunately, you can't really expect your friend to be excited and to want to know about all the details because you'll only be let down (as you are).
If she's your friend and that's why you chose her, i wouldn't eliminate her as a BM... thats certainly not going to make things better. I don't know what i'm trying to say here... it just seems like its coming out all wrong.
Bottom line... you can't expect everyone to want to talk about your wedding or the details and certainly not all the time.
i have to agree with this. and i'll add: if you're concerned about her lack of interest maybe you can ask her about that. there may be a reason why she's not asking.
BHW
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
Honestly, no one will care about your wedding as much as you do. Your friends will be happy for you and will be there to support you, but they won't be as excited as you and may not want to constantly talk about your wedding. You're not getting married for another 11 months. The excitement will build as it gets closer to your wedding. If you're really concerned, talk to her, but I wouldn't ask her to step down just b/c she doesn't seem as excited as you about your wedding.
SeptBride70
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
yeah you never know, she might not want to be in the BP as much as you don't want her to be and that's where the bad vibes are coming from...
so i would talk to her and try to give her the out. i don't think it's a bad thing to take back an invite to be in a bridal party-- it all depends on the situation... if you think, once you talk to her, that you can stick it out and that this will pass then try that but if you give her the out and she doesn't take it but doesn't change her attitude and doesn't change her behavior that makes you feel bad maybe you should tell her that you decided to make the BP smaller and say that you would like her to help in another way... you are lucky this is not a family member-- oh boy!!!
i definitely feel what you are going through and you are not acting like the type of person who thinks they are the only bride in the world... my FH and i made a BIG (HUUUGE) mistake asking certain people to be in the wedding party too early. if any brides are reading this who have not chosen their BP yet--wait as long as you can!!! it's a big decision and i made the mistake of rushing into it...if i could do one thing different it would be not choosing my BP so fast...
we asked FH's cousin (who he is not really close with but FMIL loves to pretend they are close b/c it's her precious amazing brother's son) to be in the party (we felt bad b/c he SEEMED nice when we would hang out--not often, but he's family so we figured we would make FMIL's day and have him in--BIG mistake)...
two weeks later he decided to grab my rear-end after he had too much to drink at a family party!! then in the following weeks after that would make comments that if i had seen him first i would be with him and decided to one night ask me to sleep with him!!! my FH and i were so upset and so devastated by this. BUT only FH's neighbor william, i, and FH know about these things... william happened to over-hear one of the comments and FH witnessed part of it and I was so upset by the grabbing I told FH not knowing what else to do.
FH was of course so angry and wanted to kill him but at the same time-- no one else knows and we were TORN trying to decide whether to tell the family and make a HUGE wave OR just keep our mouths shut... so we are pleading the fifth but it is so uncomfortable being around him and now forever i have to look at wedding pics of him in my wedding party when he, in reality, is a big pig!!
i really really REALLY hope that your problem with your friend works out in whatever way is best and that you, in the end, are happy b/c having to be 'stuck' with BP members who put a damper on every event is just terrible... so i hope you are able to decide on something you are very happy with!!!!! good luck!!!!!!
Hallowedding
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
I asked two of my nieces to be in my bridal party and I kicked them out last month. I just told my sisters and they passed it on. I wasn't taking the coward's way out - I just had no contact with them at all.
I had only asked them to be in my BP because of guilt. They were jealous that my one niece (who I grew up with as a sister) was in my BP and they weren't. But I never talk to them (only on certain holidays), they are too young (12 and 18) and I feel like they just don't bother with me. I'd rather have two of my good friends in the party instead of them.
The younger one was upset, but I asked her to be in charge of handing out programs and petal cones for me, and she's happy about that. The older one couldn't care less.
pebbles
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
About 10 years ago I had a then friend that asked me to be her maid of honor when she got engaged in the month of June and the wedding was the floowing March so the Dec after she got engaged I was in NY on vacation and when I was gone she left a message on my maching that she did not think I should be the maid of honor and that she was going to ask someone else. I thought it was so rude of her to do it that way. I think you should speak to her in person and just be honest and maybe she become more involved or she will agrre with you and back out.
EJSD2006
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
I totally sympathize with you. I was in the EXACT same situation. My 'friend' was just being so rude about anything wedding related and she was in my BP! I eventually told her i didn't want her in the BP anymore and we haven't spoken since. You really learn who your real friends are when you are planning a wedding!
Mdolph6
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
Posted by kmkelly
Maybe start by initiating a discussion where you give her the option to back out? She may want to. Something like 'I know with all of YOUR planning, it may be too much to be part of my day, I'll completely understand .....'
Just a quick note...her and her boyfriend are not even engaged
chapel06
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
I'm going through the same problem with my MOH. She just started dating a new man and she is experiencing that puppy love thing. B/F she would always return my calls and was always so excited about wedding details, but everything has changed. While I am disappointed, I dont think kicking her out of the wedding party is the right response just because she isnt as interested any more. I cant expect every one to be as interested in the details of my wedding. Asking her not to be in the wedding party would only happen if she did something drastic to our friendship.
MrsWmson2be
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
I don't think you should kick her out of the wedding party. The harm that causes may be irreparable. The fact that she doesn't seem to be as interested in your wedding as you'd like her to be isn't sufficient grounds for such a drastic action. I agree with the bride who said no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are. That's true! I can blab on and on to my friends about plates, our band, my dress and most will just sit there and nod politely. If she's a good friend to you otherwise, keep her in the party. As the day draws closer, you'll be even more excited and she probably will too.
Also remember that while you're engaged, she's at a very new stage in her own relationship and she wants to be in your shoes (sooner rather than later, it seems!) Keep your head up. It should work out fine. Best of luck.
Mdolph6
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
I guess I should have explained it alittle better, its not all about her now being excited day and night about my wedding....its also that her whole attitude has changed. I guess its just hard to explain with words like this.
But THANK you for all your advice.
ksl268
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
I think I understand what you are trying to say. Did you think maybe she is jealous of you? It sounds like she may be a little hurt. She may feel like there is less attention on her. We all know that when you get engaged it is a storm of congratulations, cards and gifts. She may feel left out of the fun stuff. Try to spend some time together and not talk about the wedding, unless she brings it up. Good Luck!
VadersBride2006
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Re: Taking back an invitation...........
Well, be glad she's still speaking to you!!
I asked a (What I thought was a ) good friend to be in my BP and she readily accepted. About 9 months ago, she went through some rough times, breaking up with her boyfriend of 8 years and I was there for her every step of the way. She would call all the time and come to my house to hang out with me, the kids (she used to be my babysitter), and FMIL, who she was also close with. Her daughter and my son are friends and love to hang out, too. Then, all of a sudden, she just stopped calling, didn't come over anymore, it's like she disappeared! I continued to call and even stopped by her house once to see if she was okay. I continued to invite her daughter to our house, but never got any response at all. Finally, when I was in the hospital in December after giving birth, she called and said she would stop by to see the baby... and she never showed up! That's the last I've heard from her and as far as I am concerned, she is no longer a part of my wedding - not even as a guest!
