We thought we'd have to play for all of our wedding by ourselves, but when we booked our hall, my parents pt down the deposit and said they'd try to help us with the $$. FMIL also said earlier tat she'd give us some $$, but Im really concerned about taking $$ from her b/c she's ALREADY trying to control the wedding (guest list, theme, ceremony, etc), and I like saying 'well we're paying for it, so you have no say' Of curse we could use the help, but I don't think it's worth ti to give the reigns to someone else (my parents don't want to control the wedding...they want us to be happy)...so I was thinking I could ask her to pay for the RD, so that it's just one thing she can mess up and control and it wont have any impact on the wedding day.
Also, we still haven't told them we booked! it's sucha huge mess. Fh thinks they'll be upset we didn't 'consult' them, and I'm afraid the criticism and the controlling attitude will start...
Sorry this is more of a vent than anything..I just don't know how to handle it. I think the longer we wait to tell them the madder they'll be AND if we don't take $$ from them, but we take $$ form my parents they' ll be mad...
Empire State
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Re: Taking $$ from parents for the wedding
I agree that the longer you wait the harder it will be. I'm sure you are excited that you booked and you should be able to share that excitement.
Maybe you can suggest them paying for something like flowers or favors or something that you might be impartial with in terms of what you really want.
sarahthegreat
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Re: Taking $$ from parents for the wedding
we feel the same way. we have asked out parents for about $1500 a piece. which wil not be used towards the hall, most likely flowers, limo, dj, etc. i have an extremly controlling fmil and our way of keeping it our day is by not having them contribute financially to the hall. if she had her way we would have over 200 people, more then half would be her family. ( you should have seen our e-party.) just try to pay as much as you possibly can for the hall and this should avoid the whole 'well i'm paying for it' bit from the fmil.
steph4777
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Re: Taking $$ from parents for the wedding
You definitely need to set boundaries with your MIL. My IL contributed a 1/3 of the total wedding expenses. I did try to include her in things, but she knew that the final decision was ours. She had complete control of the RD.
I think you just need to talk to his parents and let them know that if they want to contribute, you'll include them in the planning, but you and FH have final say. As far as guest list, start getting numbers together now so you have time to weed though names if it gets out of control.
I may be wrong, but I thought you booked Swan Club.
Sweetd
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Re: Taking $$ from parents for the wedding
My parents did the same thing. But, I really did need the money and they also helped my sisters out too, so I took the money. I figure the money I get from my wedding will add to the money we already have for a down payment that we are going to use on the house we are trying to buy. It helps a lot. I wasn't thrilled that almost all the guest are their's but, I was lucky they paid and very happy with the generous gesture! If you do decide to take the money, maybe your parents won't invite as much as mine did.
marymoon
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Re: Taking $$ from parents for the wedding
yeah I have to not let her pay for the hall...that's the bigest thing...because my parents agree with us about the type f wedding we want to have...smaller (if 180 is considered small), and jst the voerall elegance of the thing, and they love our christmas.hanukkah theme, and overall feel its our chouce, while his mom has alrady bitched t me about how she finds the holiday theme 'distasteful', and I basically told her to buzz off...and I want to be able to continue doing that
Borricuamorena0905
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Re: Taking $$ from parents for the wedding
I'd say, have a sit down and tell them exactly how you feel.. THen take it from there..
marymoon
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Re: Taking $$ from parents for the wedding
Posted by Borricuamorena0905
I'd say, have a sit down and tell them exactly how you feel.. THen take it from there..
you're assuming that my future in laws are reasonable people..that's a BIG assumption!
