Teens and 'the talk'....

Ok..so the NBC special with Katie Couric about teens and sex got me thinking...
My Danielle is going to be 12...(still my baby)..but the clock is ticking, and I MUST have 'the talk' with her about the birds and the bees...(I know, I probably should've done it already)...
but you see, my mom NEVER talked to me about sex so I am scared and nervous about the whole thing.....
Have any of you had the sex talk with any of your kids; or maybe nieces, nephews, etc...
I haven't a clue as to how to approach/deal with the subject....

My mom never had the talk with me either....my step-daughter is 8...and I know my DH is going to ask me to give her the talk when the time comes. I don't know when the time should be....but I have no idea how/what do say either.

I got the talk in the second - third grade probably from my mom. She purchased the book 'where do I come from' and we went over it. ( my mom still tells me that my Grandma almost died in Waldenbooks when she purchased it)

I was the youngest of my family but alot of my classmates mom's were having babies so she felt it was a good time for it to come from her also my mom got AF early in third or fourth grade so she kinda covered that too but in fifth grade we got that 'Talk' in school.

I'm Roman Catholic and went to Catholic School as well so alot of these talks stressed marriage and how they were things only married people did when they loved each other.

I agree with the above person who's mom had them read 'where do I come from' I read that too as a child. Maybe give that to your daughter and encourage her to ask questions...there is another great book out there and I can't quite remember what's its called, but it's something along the lines of 'why am I different?' and it shows the differences between boys and girls and shows different shaped and size breasts etc...

I think books are a great way to take some of the pressure off the parents... AND then discuss the contents of the book with them after.

Hope this helps!!

My kids are nowhere NEAR being teens, but the thought of this makes me nervous too

There are tons of books at the libraries about how to approach it, etc.

Im sure its more nere-wracking with girls.

Whether we want to have the talk with them or not, I think we SHOULD because they WILL hear about this at school, MUCH earlier than any of us did, and they may form their own opinions and even feel pressured into things...

My parents never had the talk with us (old fashioned italians), we learned about everything in school, through friends, etc.
But they constantly talked to us about making the right decisions, not 'following' those that were 'doing bad things', etc. my grandmother was the same. Shed say 'when the boys tell you to go down this road, you tell them NO Im doing down the straight path, not the crooked path' (and it sounded so darn cute in ITalian ) So we learned to read between the lines of everything they told us.
It made us feel supported, acknowledged and cared for, and we understood that it was just something that wasnt talked about in their days and they didnt know how to even BEGIN approaching it with us....

I think its important for us to not only talk to our kids about life, but to make them feel like we are there for them no matter WHAT. That they can come to us even if they feel theyve made a mistake. My dad was QUITE the opposite 'Italian father' and was always very easy to talk to, etc. When my sis got preggo before she was married , the first person she went to was my dad, and his response was (so typical of my dad) 'This is a blessing from God and we will take God's blessings' (again, sounds better in ITalian ) so thankfully she was 24, and had a wedding in the works, just had to push up the date
My mom, on the other hand, didnt take the news NEARLY as nicely as my dad did but she got over it REAL quick

So I think its all about how you make your kids feel around you. Are they scared to talk to you, nervous, comfortable?
I pray that my kids will be comfortable asking me ANYTHING thats on their minds (and I pray even more that I have the right answers! )

I think that you should lay the groundwork for these types of talks from when they are very young. I don't mean discussing sex at age 4, but setting an atmosphere where you discuss the good the bad, the news, school, friends, what is on TV...so that when the time comes to start talking about sex it is not an out-of-the-blue serious talk. You have been talking about important subjects since day 1 and this is just another important topic to add to the list. That way I don't think your child will be as freaked out if all along you have had an open dialogue relationship.

That is at least what I hope to do.

I just wanted to give my perspective - I really admire my parents on how they handled it with me. When I was in 5th grade, I got the talk about what was going on with my body (MIND you, I got my period in 4th grade, so my mom was a year late, and missed my anxiety, panic attack when I started bleeding out of nowhere and thought I was dying and was too embarrassed to say anything. Made matters worse when AF then disappeared for 6 months, and because I had figured things out on my own by then, I was paranoid for those 6 months that SOMEHOW I got pregnant! So, lesson learned - the earlier the bettter to discuss with your little girl's about the changes that will happen to their bodies!).

Then, when I was a little older, I guess probably around 12 or 13, I was given the 'talk'. My mom started out by giving me one of those books to read, and then discussed it with me. It was embarrasing, but what I remember the most is that she and my dad told me that it wasn't awful to do 'IT' before marriage, but that it should be done with someone you really care about. And that above all else, I should never do anythign with anyone that makes me feel uncomfortable. The scary thing is, I remember fooling around with some guy, and I felt weird, and those words literally POPPED into my head, and I pushed him away immediately.

My parents were really open, and at one point told me that IF I ever got pregnant, they wouldn't be upset, but wanted me to tell them, and they gave me and my brothers condoms when were were in high school. I know that would make some people uncomfortable, but in all honesty, although my parents were open, and some would think that would have lead me to be more experimental, in reality, I was one of the LAST to do the deed, because I took to heart what they told me, and waited until I was comfortable, and with someone I really cared about. So, that's my two cents...

IMHO if shes twelve, and in public school.. shes probably heard a billion different interpretations of what 'it' is.... I never had the talk with my mom, I asked my friends... and I was about her age...

I would talk to her soon, and if the books mentioned above help, use that... If not, make sure you do it in more of a girl bonding atmosphere than an uptight uncomfotable atmosphere.

Good Luck.