Tell me if you think this is rude..

Ok- I have a relatively small family. My dad is an only child and my mom has one sister, who is married with one son. Her son, my first cousin, is 18 years old and a freshman in college. They live in LA and my cousin goes to school in Boston. They are originally from Manhattan, so every time they come back east- they tend to make plans with their old friends.

I was talking to my aunt the other day and she told me she wasn't sure if her son will be coming to the RD- as he may want to hang out in the city with his New York friends. I totally think that is rude-- I mean, he goes to school in Boston- so taking a trip down to NY is not the biggest deal if he ever wanted to see these friends- and why is my aunt letting him do whatever he wants?

I also want him to come to the RD as I will sit him with all of FH's cousins that are his age- and he will be sitting with them at the wedding- and thought he could make friends and have a better time.

Now, I am not close with him- but, I still feel offended- mostly by my aunt since probably any other 18 year old would rather be with their friends more than anything.

Am I wrong?

I had a similar situation. I had cousins coming out from Arizona for the wedding and their adult son who lives in LA was flying out with them. My yenta cousin GRILLED me on the phone if there were going to be single women at the RD for my cousin or was he better off hanging out in Manhattan that night. I was really offended and told her that none of the BM who were going to be at the RD were single and didn't add that the last thing they'd be thinking about is hooking up with my (ugly) cousin at my RD!!
I was semi-snippy with her on the phone and in the end, he graced me with his presence. I agree, it's rude, but you know what, you can't worry about it!!

I don't think it is wrong to be offended. I totally would - especially if he is your only first cousin.

Thats a tough situation though. Maybe he thinks the RD will be awkward for him if he does not know anyone besides your family?

Did you say anything?

---

Posted by Bunnymonkey

I don't think it is wrong to be offended. I totally would - especially if he is your only first cousin.

Thats a tough situation though. Maybe he thinks the RD will be awkward for him if he does not know anyone besides your family?

Did you say anything?

---

I said something to my mom- who basically said he is a spoiled brat and they (my aunt and uncle) just give in to him cause it's easier.

He is my only first cousin- with the exception of his half brother- who is not technically family- he is my aunt's step son. But he's coming-- but we have a different relationship- we basically grew up together- although we rarely see each other now.

I guess it doesn't matter how old you are-- some people just don't know the right things to do.

I can see why you are upset, but i can totally understand why he would much rather be hanging out with his friends than at your RD. I dont mean to offend, but since you guys arent really close and he is 18 and a guy, of course he is not going to be as interested in the wedding as you may want him to be.

I also dont agree that his parents should force him to go to the RD. He is after all 18 years old and he is away at college, I am sure that his parents have lost a little control of him over the year hes been away, its part of growing up. Try and not take offense to him not wanting to be there, I think it just has more to do with the age thing and being a guy.

---

Posted by newnybride2be

I can see why you are upset, but i can totally understand why he would much rather be hanging out with his friends than at your RD. I dont mean to offend, but since you guys arent really close and he is 18 and a guy, of course he is not going to be as interested in the wedding as you may want him to be.

I also dont agree that his parents should force him to go to the RD. He is after all 18 years old and he is away at college, I am sure that his parents have lost a little control of him over the year hes been away, its part of growing up. Try and not take offense to him not wanting to be there, I think it just has more to do with the age thing and being a guy.

---

I agree that HE may not want to be at a RD BUT this is a family event and he should be with his family and talk to his family and cousin on a more intimate level than at the wedding where there will be so much going on and if they were once close then they have a lot to catch up on- for new years he can hang out with his friends in the city- when I was 18 I didnt have a choice but Im glad I didnt it keeps family values.

totally-- I am offended that my aunt is letting him call the shots.. like saying to him, well, if you don't want to come you don't have to. Not sure if she said this exactly to him- but that is the impression I got. The whole sitch just makes me feel they are so nonchalant about the wedding.

If I was 18- I'd look at it as an opportunity to drink a lot for free!

ETA it is what it is-- just wanted to see what other people thought.