When I got engaged to FI last february we didn't do anything wedding related for awhile. In fact it took 8 months to set a date that was still two years away. I was mad that I had to wait so long even though I was in school. I've made suggestion like not even having a wedding just getting hitched at city hall and then dinner with our families and even eloping. He wanted none of this and said to wait. I told him it was impossible to plan people lives over 2 years in advance and he disagreed. For the majority of the year I have been miserable and really started resenting the wedding that apparently I'm the only one planning. There have been other things going on in my life making it a bit overwhelming. But anyway I digress. I have been miserable and we would get into arguments and so on. Finally we started visiting places andsdet a date and picked a hall. I was happy. And we started checking out photography and such. I've been happy finally for the last two months of the year and then right before Christmas FI tells me that his mother has been diagnosed with cancer. She's been through treatment 2 other times for two other kinds. But when I was told what kind it was... I don't know if she will make it through '07 let alone to out '08 wedding. I know she's trying though because FI is an only child. I have been overwhelmed with all different emotions this passed week and a half. I think FI is still in denial because I keep asking what he wants to do about the wedding especially being that he is an only child and he says exactly what we are planning. I know in my heart we should push it up. We can't afford to do it now I work part time and go to school so we'd have to do something simple and quick. I'm so upset about everything and to top it off I'm not allowed to talk about it with anyone so all my feelings get to swell up. And to make matters worse I keep thinking of how selfish I am about this stupid wedding. Like I've said I've been so miserable and finally things are starting to fall into place and my life is making sense and now it's all crashing down. I wanted a wedding to celebrate but now it doesn't feel right. I feel like a horrible selfish person for even thinking of it. And then I think how come he wouldn't push the date up for me before... are we really even ready for this? And I feel awful for saying that it 'doesn't feel right' I hope I'm jsut getting confused with my emotions instead of being a horrible person. Thank you for letting me vent. I'm so confused right now.
futuremrsdaly
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Re: Terrible News (long)
i'm so sorry you're feeling this way i think before you make any major decisions regarding the wedding you should let some time pass so that the emotions and things you are feeling aren't so raw...i hope everything works out for you
tara08
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OMG Firstly you are not a horrible person in the least....
Im so sorry to hear about FH's mother... what kind of cancer was she diagnosed with? Is it staged yet? A lot of times people are successfully treated and go into remission depending on what type of cancer, what stage it is and what treatment they can receive.... dont jump to conclusions yet....
You have fm
sugar4spc
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Re: Terrible News (long)
im so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. i know what you mean as far full of emotions and you dont know which way to turn first and nothing seems right. Take one day at a time. FH may be in denial and this may be his way of coping. You are not a horrible person and you are not being selfish. i think its wonderful that you even thought of bumping it up and were willing to give up your dream wedding for a simple civil service wedding. Both of which im sure would have been beautiful. I think you should wait unitll you get all the final detail from doctors and what they feel her prognosis is before making ANY rash decisions. She sounds like a fighter if she has been through this 2 times before. Dont second guess if he is the one.. in your gut you know he is because you guys have made it through so much together. Men are very rarely involved in the wedding process.. i know in my case it is like pulling teeth. i am here if you want to chat and let it all out. Just FM. need help let me know.
GettinHutched
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Re: Terrible News (long)
I am so very sorry, you've been through so much. for your FMIL
Dee606
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Re: Terrible News (long)
some prayers for FMIL
billandme
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Posted by futuremrsdaly
i'm so sorry you're feeling this way i think before you make any major decisions regarding the wedding you should let some time pass so that the emotions and things you are feeling aren't so raw...i hope everything works out for you
I agree......here are some
MichLiz213
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Re: Terrible News (long)
Posted by billandme
Posted by futuremrsdaly
i'm so sorry you're feeling this way i think before you make any major decisions regarding the wedding you should let some time pass so that the emotions and things you are feeling aren't so raw...i hope everything works out for you
I agree......here are some
Ditto.....
AlBaBride
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Re: Terrible News (long)
I'm so sorry to hear about your FMIL. My mom was just diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer, and I've been thinking a lot about cancelling the wedding and just getting hitched b/c I don't really know what the future holds for her either. I understand how you feel. Having said that, I also know that my mom is looking forward to my wedding more than anythings. She has a positive attitude and refuses to allow this diagnosis stop herself from doing the things she wants to do. Illness ***** no matter when it happens, but I have to say that if it was going to happen at any time, now might be the best b/c this wedding is like a driving force keeping her fighting. As for your FH, maybe he wants to keep the date to maintain a sense of normalcy-- as if the Cancer won't change his plans. I hope everything works out for the best.
Melissa52607
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Re: Terrible News (long)
i'm sorry
my grandfather has cancer and is 94. they dont expect him to live much longer. We are hoping he makes it to our wedding, but i'm honestly not getting my hopes up. If he doesn't make it, I'm still going to save a seat for him - front row so he can still be there
Just stay strong. She is going to be there, whether they are in psychical or spiritual presence.
snydl40
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Re: Terrible News (long)
I agree-You are not a horrible person at all. We all want our dream wedding and for most this dream comes true. I would definetly give it some time. You just recently found out your FMIL has cancer. I would try and stay positive. I am sure your FH is just trying to do the same. He is probably praying that she will make it through to your 2008 wedding. I would just be supportive, and until your FMIL or FH says otherwise-I would leave the date as is.
Glamorousbride
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you have fm.
megzzie
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I'm so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you, your FH, and your FMIL
TLC1018
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Re: Terrible News (long)
I am sorry you're going through so much right now. Maybe wait just a little while to get your thoughts in order. What if you got married soon, in town hall with his mother there, if you dont think she will see 2008. You can still plan the wedding for 2008, but at least she will get to see her son get married! My mom's friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and her daughter got married sooner so that her mom could watch her. She still had a regular wedding, but at least her mother lived ling enough to watch her get married!
