Thanks for the advice

May152005 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:22 PM

Thanks for the advice

Janine24 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:25 PM

Re: Need Advice, will delete this shortly

she's a yr and a half? I think she is way too young, and I would tell that to her parents...

SeptemberBride03 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:27 PM

Re: Need Advice, will delete this shortly

Its a tough decision. My first reaction was to do what you want and not include her. But, depending on your relationship with the mother, I can understand you being worried about how she'll take it. She's obviously become obsessed with having her daughter in the wedding so she may be very mad if she's not and that could be difficult for you to have to deal with along with all the other wedding planning stress. I guess, if she were someone that would make my life hell if I didn't put her daughter in, then I would just to avoid the controversy. But, I'd probably say something to her about how I didn't want anyone that young involved but that I can see how much she (the mother) wants it and so I'll agree to do it - just so she knows your feelings.

ETA: my nephew was our RB and was only 21 months old. He did perfect at the rehearsal, but didn't make it down the aisle the day of - I thought it was cute and its hysterical on the video, it didn't bother me or my husband at all. Whats the worst that can happen?

dpli Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:27 PM

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I would tell the mom she is too young. I decided that I didn't want my 6 year old niece because I thought it would be too much of a hassle- I didn't want to worry about if she didn't want to do something or get in the photos or whatever. One friend of mine had her 2 year old cousin and it caused a lot of problems because she decided about 1/4 of the way down the aisle that she didn't want to go any further and it held everything up. It is too mcuh stress to add to an already stressful planning period. JMO.

FLaCaTaCa Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:29 PM

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I am going through almost the same thing right now as well. My first niece will be born 8 months before our wedding and I want to include her in some way but because of the age. It really just is impossible for me to think of something. I would discuss this with all of the reasoning you just expressed to us. Good Luck!!!!

May152005 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:33 PM

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nferrandi Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:33 PM

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I think you should talk to the mom. Ask her why it's seems so important to her that her daighter be the flowergirl? Point out the fact that you would never disappoint the baby, but since she's so young, it's not like she would even understand. If you really don't want to have her as the FG, I would just explain that you don't really want the added stress and for your own peace of mind you would rather not have her do it.

lullabella Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:37 PM

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Posted by nferrandi

I think you should talk to the mom. Ask her why it's seems so important to her that her daighter be the flowergirl? Point out the fact that you would never disappoint the baby, but since she's so young, it's not like she would even understand. If you really don't want to have her as the FG, I would just explain that you don't really want the added stress and for your own peace of mind you would rather not have her do it.

I agree or you can have her get a special dress and let her take part in the pictures.

I am having me neice and nephew as FG and RB. She is 7 months and he is 14 months. She definatley can't walk down the aisle and I know he will probably not walk down but I figured I would have his parents hold him.

mrsmeri1104 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:38 PM

Re: Need Advice, will delete this shortly

First off my personal opinion is she is way to young and you don't need to be worrying about this from now till SHE walks down the aisle.

Second my church won't let children under 3 participant in a wedding so either way you may want to check with your place of ceremony.

GOOD LUCK I hope it all works out in the end for you.

MrsJ Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:40 PM

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Waaaay too young, I would just tell the parents that. It's your day. Do what you want to do. My friends daughter will be 18 mos at our wedding too and I would have loved to include her...but she really is too young.

patti08 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:42 PM

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We're having a little girl who will be the same age as a 'symbolic FG', not walking down the aisle, she'll sit with gradparents probably (both parents in the wedding). She'll be in some pictures and do whatever she wants. Fiance and I will cover costs of her attire.

We have no specific expectations on RB or FG, I just want the kids to be comfortable and to have fun. So if no one walks down the aisle or wants to sit or stand or whatever I'm ok with it.

slwh2005 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:44 PM

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I say you stick to your guns and tell the mother (more forcefully) that you feel she is just too young. That's probably easier said than done, but it sounds like you're not that close to her anyway. It's your wedding. It shouldn't be all about an 18 month old.

tray831 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:46 PM

Re: Thanks for the advice

Posted by mrsmeri1104

First off my personal opinion is she is way to young and you don't need to be worrying about this from now till SHE walks down the aisle.

Second my church won't let children under 3 participant in a wedding so either way you may want to check with your place of ceremony.

GOOD LUCK I hope it all works out in the end for you.

Actually thats a good idea, even if your ceremony location doesnt have an age limit, the mother of this child doesnt need to know that, you might want to say that you looked into it, and they told you the age limit is 3---Whats this lady's problem anyway---anyone that is that persistent---I never let them get away w/ it, so IMO, I wouldnt have the girl in it, and kinda do think that 1 1/2 is a bit too young.

May152005 Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:47 PM

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o17range Posted: Oct 04, 2004 02:50 PM

Re: Need Advice, will delete this shortly

I have a slightly different take on this situation. It sounds to me like the MOTHER is actually looking for a spot in the wedidng, as crazy as it might sound. I think realistically everyone here agrees that an 18 month will NOT make it down the aisle by herself. So, in order for the little girl to be a part of the wedding, someone will have to either walk or carry her down the aisle. I think that may be where the Mom is trying to get in--she wouldn't want to 'burden' one of the bridesmaids...

I'm not saying that she's trying to be vindictive, but everyone loves a wedding, and being a part of it. She might just be using the baby as an excuse to get another chance of getting a moment in the spotlight.

In my scenario, YOUR answer will depend on if you want to have one of the bridesmaids be in charge of her the day of the wedding, or whether you mind the mom carrying the girl down the aisle.