The Absolute AUDACITY....with Poll (kinda long) UPDATED!!

Grandfather's wife asked if we 'could allow her daughter to come to the wedding'. Her daughter would be chauffering my grandfather and his wife to/from events because neither of them drive. Of course I said yes....I want my grandfather to be at my wedding. So, I bit the bullet and agreed to graciously pay for this woman, who I met twice in my life.
NOW....grandfather's wife calls my mother and says that she doesn't know if they will be making the trip up from Florida. 'It's a night wedding and it's just not worth it to go for an hour or so'. Plus, my grandfather has advanced Parkinson's and is having difficulty with everyday tasks. The daughter lives on LI and they were planning to stay with her.
In addition, grandfather's wife told my mother that the 4 seats we had reserved for them may be able to go to someone else. FOUR SEATS?!?!?!?!?!?!? So, now I have to invite the daughter with a guest. ***. To me, that is a significant burden, as we are so limited by space at the RH. Not to mention the audacity for asking for 2 additional guests, both of whom I don't know. I'm still confident that they will be attending because I spoke to my grandfather and he really wants to be there. So....what do you ladies think I should do? The invites are going out this week.


UPDATE:
Thanks ladies.....you were very helpful. My perspective on this is that the daughter, who is NOT married, is not a wedding guest of my choosing. She was an add on for the convenience of my grandfather and his wife. Therefore, adult or not, since she's not a standard guest, she should not have to bring a date. FH and I over invited by 36 from our minimum...so I'd really like to wait until RSVPs start coming in before extending the offer.
UPDATE: I called Grandfather's wife today to confirm the spelling of the daughter's last name. I said that I was sending out one invite for the three of them to my grandfather and her house. She paused...I didn't fill the silence. And then she said, oh...well can Joanne bring a friend?. I hesitated and said I'd love to be able to include him, but we are really limited on space and already over invited. I said that I expect some NOs from the RSVPs, so that I'd have a better idea after the invites were sent out. She said, in a very nice, kind tone...it's ok, we're probably not coming anyway!!!!

so your grandfather's adult step daughter wants to bring a guest? and the only way your grandfather can really attend is with the stepdaughter there?

I would just invite them. . . i know space is limited but trust me people are going to say no, or even worse, say yes and not show - so one person isnt going to make a HUGE difference especially since they are basically necessary in order for your grandfather to be there

good luck!

eta: i also believe that all adults should be invited with a guest.

is the daughter married ot involved with anyone..or is she just planning to bring any ol person?

I would send the invite to your grandfather and his wife with her name on the inside (like a kids) lol ...but im just a biotch like that and have no tollereance for ppl at this point

I picked the one about inviting them all for your grandpa's sake.
I think in the long run,. you will remember grandpa being there,, not 2 random people who are taking your grandpa and his wife there

I was put in the same position. I dont know the friend and his daughter but she is the chauffer and so she comes. I am figuring shed be replacing one No RSVP. Hey Its only my money right???

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Posted by ant n tilde

so your grandfather's adult step daughter wants to bring a guest? and the only way your grandfather can really attend is with the stepdaughter there?

I would just invite them. . . i know space is limited but trust me people are going to say no, or even worse, say yes and not show - so one person isnt going to make a HUGE difference especially since they are basically necessary in order for your grandfather to be there

good luck!

eta: i also believe that all adults should be invited with a guest.

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I agree - but just make sure that its not one here and one there. THis is grandpa - and I would do whatever I had to for my grandpa to go.

I am torn on this because while I think it IS rude.. its also your garndpa....

We had similar situation and had to bite the bullet and invite the woman's TEENAGE SON because she is afraid to drive on highways so he drove. I like the kid and all but it was a burden.

BUT at the same time she is a good friend of my mom's so i didnt want to isolate her and cause even more grief for myself. I would say the same goes for your situation. YES its rude BUT...is it worth the aggravation. This is your grandfather. He's probably looked forward to this day for so long. Is it worth quibbling about a few extra people IF you have the space? I think its worth the sacrifice.

ETA: We didn't invite every adult with a guest, only the ones who were married or in serious relationships. Got some clack for it but idn't stop em from coming so it was fine.

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Posted by ant n tilde

so your grandfather's adult step daughter wants to bring a guest? and the only way your grandfather can really attend is with the stepdaughter there?

I would just invite them. . . i know space is limited but trust me people are going to say no, or even worse, say yes and not show - so one person isnt going to make a HUGE difference especially since they are basically necessary in order for your grandfather to be there

good luck!

eta: i also believe that all adults should be invited with a guest.

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ditto

honestly i seriously WISH my grandparents were alive to have been able to attend my wedding. so i would do whatever it takes just to have them there. in the end, when you look at your wedding pics and video and see him there--you will be able to smile and know you did the right thing.


and i'm just curious--can i assume that you don't like your grandfather's wife very much? could that have a little more to do with this whole thing?

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Posted by ant n tilde

so your grandfather's adult step daughter wants to bring a guest? and the only way your grandfather can really attend is with the stepdaughter there?

I would just invite them. . . i know space is limited but trust me people are going to say no, or even worse, say yes and not show - so one person isnt going to make a HUGE difference especially since they are basically necessary in order for your grandfather to be there

good luck!

eta: i also believe that all adults should be invited with a guest.

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I agree with Tilde. DO it for your grandfather to be there..don't stress about the others.

I'm also inviting all adults with a guest.

IMO invite the step-daughter (who would be your mother or father's step-sister correct?) and her guest. If it means having your grandfather there then do what it takes.

Personally if it meant bringing in a whole team of people to have my grandfather there I would do it.