Brides Helping Brides ™ - The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

debismom Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:15 PM

The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Ok, so last night, Donna called on her way to the store. She told me she and Josh were relaxing and drinking their coffee, last Sun., a week ago, when Josh said, 'We should get married soon,do you think six months is enough to plan a wedding?' and.....'All I have to do is buy the ring and propose.' Donna has been waiting for three yrs. for the proposal. She's still not getting excited, until Josh puts the ring where his mouth is. Donna also found out that her Son, my Grandson, Shaun, when with Josh, recently, asked him if he was going to marry his Mom. Josh told him, 'Yes.' Josh told Donna that he thought it best to get married, while Shaun is still young, so there will be less problems with Shaun saying, 'I don't have to listen to you, because you're not my Dad!' Shaun is 11, and beginning those difficult yrs. Neither his step-Dad, or bio. Dad are part of his life, except for child support from his bio. Dad. I think Josh and Shaun have a pretty good relationship, and the respect issue would not be a problem; However, at Christmastime, when I was talking to Shaun about what kind of card he wanted me to buy Josh, and I asked, 'Would you like something that has 'You're like a Dad to me', Shaun said, 'No.' Now Josh did tell Donna, that he asked Shaun if he would like Josh to adopt him, and change his name, and Shaun said, 'No.' So, this is how it's going; How are you other single Moms dealing with the children/FH issues? Mary MOB

mrspalomino148 Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:21 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

aw im so sorry. I really don't know what to say because I haven't personally been in that situation, but I did see it with alot of my cousins. Maybe shaun would want josh as a father figure, but because he doesn't have a strong relationship with his own father, hes afraid josh will just leave him? Im so sorry, and I really hope everything works out for the best

BoxOfRocks Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:22 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Have your daughter and FSIL thought about family counseling with Josh?

debismom Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:28 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Posted by mrspalomino148

aw im so sorry. I really don't know what to say because I haven't personally been in that situation, but I did see it with alot of my cousins. Maybe shaun would want josh as a father figure, but because he doesn't have a strong relationship with his own father, hes afraid josh will just leave him? Im so sorry, and I really hope everything works out for the best

Well, you know with kids, they seem to know what's going on, even if you think they don't. I don't think Donna put Shaun up to asking Josh about the marrying his Mom. But yes, I think Shaun is concerned, because so many men have exited his life. He is coming to the age where he will finally understand a lot of things, as well as ask questions, and oh, how I pray, it will not be a hurtful time for him. Mary MOB

debismom Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:36 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Posted by BoxOfRocks

Have your daughter and FSIL thought about family counseling with Josh?

I don't know but it wouldn't be a bad idea. When Donna divorced, Shaun was quite young, yet he blamed his Mom. His step-Dad was extremely abusive, which Donna's family did not know about, in the earlier yrs. Shaun either is unaware or forgetful about the abuse. Mary MOB

mrspalomino148 Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:47 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Posted by debismom

Posted by mrspalomino148

aw im so sorry. I really don't know what to say because I haven't personally been in that situation, but I did see it with alot of my cousins. Maybe shaun would want josh as a father figure, but because he doesn't have a strong relationship with his own father, hes afraid josh will just leave him? Im so sorry, and I really hope everything works out for the best

Well, you know with kids, they seem to know what's going on, even if you think they don't. I don't think Donna put Shaun up to asking Josh about the marrying his Mom. But yes, I think Shaun is concerned, because so many men have exited his life. He is coming to the age where he will finally understand a lot of things, as well as ask questions, and oh, how I pray, it will not be a hurtful time for him. Mary MOB

DH had a similar situation when he was growing up, and I have to say he grew up perfectly fine, and his mom was his role model and she did a great job lol. I pray that shaun comes out on top in all of this and knows that no matter what his mom is his rock.

debismom Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:49 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Posted by mrspalomino148

Posted by debismom

Posted by mrspalomino148

aw im so sorry. I really don't know what to say because I haven't personally been in that situation, but I did see it with alot of my cousins. Maybe shaun would want josh as a father figure, but because he doesn't have a strong relationship with his own father, hes afraid josh will just leave him? Im so sorry, and I really hope everything works out for the best

Well, you know with kids, they seem to know what's going on, even if you think they don't. I don't think Donna put Shaun up to asking Josh about the marrying his Mom. But yes, I think Shaun is concerned, because so many men have exited his life. He is coming to the age where he will finally understand a lot of things, as well as ask questions, and oh, how I pray, it will not be a hurtful time for him. Mary MOB

DH had a similar situation when he was growing up, and I have to say he grew up perfectly fine, and his mom was his role model and she did a great job lol. I pray that shaun comes out on top in all of this and knows that no matter what his mom is his rock.

Mayghen, thanks for those encouraging words!!! Mary MOB

mrspalomino148 Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:56 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Posted by debismom

Posted by mrspalomino148

Posted by debismom

Posted by mrspalomino148

aw im so sorry. I really don't know what to say because I haven't personally been in that situation, but I did see it with alot of my cousins. Maybe shaun would want josh as a father figure, but because he doesn't have a strong relationship with his own father, hes afraid josh will just leave him? Im so sorry, and I really hope everything works out for the best

Well, you know with kids, they seem to know what's going on, even if you think they don't. I don't think Donna put Shaun up to asking Josh about the marrying his Mom. But yes, I think Shaun is concerned, because so many men have exited his life. He is coming to the age where he will finally understand a lot of things, as well as ask questions, and oh, how I pray, it will not be a hurtful time for him. Mary MOB

DH had a similar situation when he was growing up, and I have to say he grew up perfectly fine, and his mom was his role model and she did a great job lol. I pray that shaun comes out on top in all of this and knows that no matter what his mom is his rock.

Mayghen, thanks for those encouraging words!!! Mary MOB

your very welcome Mary. Has Donna tried to get him involved in a sunday school program? I know whenever DH had a problem that he didn't want to speak to family about that he had his childhood pastor to turn to, it really helped him alot growing up. Because like you said kids do understand alot more than we truly give them credit for, and maybe an outlet is just what Shaun may need, for someone to talk to.

debismom Posted: Feb 17, 2008 01:59 PM

Re: The continuing saga of Deb's Sis/Engagement/ Child issues

Posted by mrspalomino148

Posted by debismom

Posted by mrspalomino148

Posted by debismom

Posted by mrspalomino148

aw im so sorry. I really don't know what to say because I haven't personally been in that situation, but I did see it with alot of my cousins. Maybe shaun would want josh as a father figure, but because he doesn't have a strong relationship with his own father, hes afraid josh will just leave him? Im so sorry, and I really hope everything works out for the best

Well, you know with kids, they seem to know what's going on, even if you think they don't. I don't think Donna put Shaun up to asking Josh about the marrying his Mom. But yes, I think Shaun is concerned, because so many men have exited his life. He is coming to the age where he will finally understand a lot of things, as well as ask questions, and oh, how I pray, it will not be a hurtful time for him. Mary MOB

DH had a similar situation when he was growing up, and I have to say he grew up perfectly fine, and his mom was his role model and she did a great job lol. I pray that shaun comes out on top in all of this and knows that no matter what his mom is his rock.

Mayghen, thanks for those encouraging words!!! Mary MOB

your very welcome Mary. Has Donna tried to get him involved in a sunday school program? I know whenever DH had a problem that he didn't want to speak to family about that he had his childhood pastor to turn to, it really helped him alot growing up. Because like you said kids do understand alot more than we truly give them credit for, and maybe an outlet is just what Shaun may need, for someone to talk to.