The hardest morning of my life :(

I so cant do this. I go back to work today and I feel so weak, so sad, so lost. I cannot focus and work is giving me a problem about being out so I have to go back. All i wanna do is be with my mother. I asked my moms fiance for strength this morning, hopefully i find it in me sometime today. I wake up missing him, I go to bed missing him. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I hope it gets a lttle better.

My mom always taught me to live by the serenity prayer so I keep repeating it to myself over and over. Hopefully, it works for me sooner or later. I need to try cause I know thats what Kenny would want me to do..so im trying but its so not easy.

Continue to think strong, positive thoughts. YOU CAN DO IT!

Stay postive! Each day it will get easier!

Give it you best today,thats all you can do.
Healing takes time especially when its the heart,
you are in my thoughts Noreen
-Alexandria

stay strong!! your mom's FI would want you to get back to your life. he will always be with you!!

Going back to work may be a good thing for you.
It will get you back to your usual routine.
I hope you can remain strong. My prayers are with you and your mom.

It will probably be good for you to go back to work, it may help to get back to some of the normal day to day things. I know it is very hard, I have lost both my parents, and it is a very difficult thing to get through. Just remember that he would want you to go forward with your life, and persue all your dreams. He will always be with you in your heart, mind and soul. I know it is an old cliche (sp), but time does help. You will never forget, but the memories and special times you shared will help you get through this. Be strong!

LizD said it perfectly.

Getting back to your routine will help you get through your grief. My hear and prayers are with all of you

I agree going backto work is the best thing. It really helps to keep your focus somewhere else, rather on the sad feelings. And you work with the best distractions in the world - children. They force you to leave your somber/sad/bad/etc. moods at the door, and will help you to crack that smile you so desperately need.

You know I love you - I'll see ya online later and we'll chat...

hang in there and let your good memories help you through this...we just went through recently this my fh's mom...it doesn't get better overnight and its still hrd for us too but we have begun to see reasons to laugh again - which is what she was all about - but we still do iss her as you do for kenny....

good luck - its not easy but you can do it - look at it as one day at a time for now, dont think 'Big picture' yet....

The best thing you can do for yourself is to try to get back to life as normal. Going to work will help you with that. I know how hard it is, but each day will get easier and you will always have your memories. Here's some hugs for you

You must return to yoiur life. I recently went through this with my SIL, who I have been very close to for the past 5 yrs. She was 31yrs old, 7mo pregnant (they saved the baby) and left behind 2 other young children. I had been with them for the week she was sick before she died and then the week following. There was so much to do and the children needed us all.

I was so torn about going back to my routine. My son wanted to return to school to get back into his own routine. I brought him, but when I was driving back to my IL's house I started crying on the highway. I worried I had let him go too soon. I worried my SIL would feel that although I had left for a couple hours, I had abandoned the family. I worried that the rest of the family at the house would feel the same way. I worried I wasn't being respectful with the timing. I cried and cried.

Out of nowhere a beautiful little feather was in plain sight on the outside of my windshield. DH's family always prays for and receives feathers from the deceased. I don't. I pulled over and looked for geese. No geese. I reached for it and it wrapped around my finger. I couldn't believe it had stuck to my windshield going 65mph. It was perfect. I cried some more, but this time because I knew my SIL was giving me the message that no matter where I was, she was with me. It was ok to continue with my life because she's here and would want me to. I knew then that it was ok.

You know, the more I mention this to people, the more conviction I have about these feathers. I had no idea so many people knew about the 'feather thing'.

Either way, my message, as well as my SIL's, is to keep your loved one in your heart and continue to live your life for the both of you. They haven't gone far...believe me.

Honestly, it hasn't gotten easier yet. I don't even know what that could be like. Even though this happened in the end of Feb, sometimes I feel like it was only a few minutes ago. What has helped with time is while I give myself time to grieve, I am able to understand more about this cycle of life and death and my place in it. I've been able to appreciate what I have, even more, and appreciate the times I had with my SIL, rather than feel pain when I think of them. Time will tell what comes next, but I do hope for your emotions and healing to take a similar path.

Keep your head up.