The Messy Spouse Thread...and how to deal.

Ok, I looooooooooove my FH...deeply. But he is messy. And lately, he's been sick, so I can't say anything. And I can't say anything in a couple of days cuz he'll say 'I've been sick'. so i must deal with it...but we are moving soon and the apartment is small...and i don't know how i'm going to handle crumbs from him preparing lunch or dishes left on the kitchen table or glasses all over the living room or laundry...omg, laundry EVERYWHERE!!!...to the point where i'm ready to put it all on his side of the bed or in garbage bags...sooooooooooooo, ladies (and gents), please tell me i'm not alone and do share how you deal with it!!! Please...he tries, but our place will never be in a decorating magazine, that's for sure.

Good point...however, I dont' want our kids (when they come along) to think, 'oh, i can be messy and leave things all over like i own the house, because daddy does it'...seriously, from what fmil said, he wasn't always like this...

Geez...where do I start? We live in a 14 x 17 room in DH parents' house, so our room is limited as well.

DH will come home and change and leave his clothes on the chair and lets them pile up. Takes his sox off before bed and leaves them on the floor. Glasses are left half full with soda. Wet towels are left in a pile in the bathroom (some sopping wet because the shower door leaks).

What I do: I usually pick up after him anything left on the floor...I actually like laundry. If I need help or DH is home, he helps fold it.

Dishes...I'm usually the one to take them up and put them in the dishwasher.

Towels: we both take them out of the bathroom when there are just too many sitting there.

How I deal with HIM: I ask nicely for him to help me...'Babe, Come on....that dish has been there for 2 days, can you please take it upstairs and try not to leave them around? It's summer and I don't want bugs in our room.' He hates bugs.

Does that help? The best way is to ask nicely or actually admit that you have a fear of your new place being messy and that it's overwhelming to you to do it all and you need his cooperation. That makes them feel wanted and needed.

Hrm.
Like btrflygrl, I live in a room with my DH. Being that it was tight before I got there it's worse with me around.

We have a 'chair' that clothes pile on and only a small space to eat (the dresser top). Basically it was just one of those things I may have grown on him about.

He'd head to the door and I'd nice ask, 'Where ya going?' if he said the bathroom (which is upstairs) I'd ask if he could take his laundry with him for me. My laundry stays in the room with a little of his stuff, but his grandma does his tshirts and stuff. If he's heading to the kitchen I ask him to take a dish, cup or something.

After 2 years it's sorta unspoken now. He still sometimes forgets to take something along but it's never more than 2 glasses in our room and worse comes to worse (cause Im extra busy too and half as guilty) we sit on our butts and clean the room.

He's just bad about 'drifting' or 'daudling' when cleaning. Just do it already.

Generally speaking though, Jim's a mostly tidy guy. I'm the messy one. My bedrooms are always disasterous but just that room. The rest of the house, guests see!!!

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Posted by cocoa

Good point...however, I dont' want our kids (when they come along) to think, 'oh, i can be messy and leave things all over like i own the house, because daddy does it'...

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This is what concerns me too ...

MY DH is messy too...but he has learned to be messy in HIS space. He has his office where his closet is also located....and that is where he throws all his stuff. Everything is literally on the floor in FRONT of the closet instead of IN the closet. I hate that room but once in a while we work TOGETHER to straighten it up.

But I cant really complain...because he really knows how hard I try to keep our place clean so he makes a big effort to pick up after himself.

Him having HIS space to be messy works for us.

Good Luck!!

Mine is messy too. The problem that worries me most about his bad cleaning habits for the rest of my life is the fact that he honestly does not see the mess. He could walk into a room with mud all over the walls and he wouldnt notice.

I on the other hand am like Monica from Friends. Everything has its place.

I clean up after him without much of a complaint at all until he does something so bad like spill chocolate milk all over the counter and leaves it. Then I flip out.

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Posted by diamondgrlie

I on the other hand am like Monica from Friends. Everything has its place.

I clean up after him without much of a complaint at all until he does something so bad like spill chocolate milk all over the counter and leaves it. Then I flip out.

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Are we twins separated at birth??

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by diamondgrlie

I on the other hand am like Monica from Friends. Everything has its place.

I clean up after him without much of a complaint at all until he does something so bad like spill chocolate milk all over the counter and leaves it. Then I flip out.

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Are we twins separated at birth??

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Are you really bad with it? Like I have to have the magazines on the upper left hand side of the coffee table only!! (In size order of course)

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Posted by diamondgrlie

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by diamondgrlie

I on the other hand am like Monica from Friends. Everything has its place.

I clean up after him without much of a complaint at all until he does something so bad like spill chocolate milk all over the counter and leaves it. Then I flip out.

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Are we twins separated at birth??

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Are you really bad with it? Like I have to have the magazines on the upper left hand side of the coffee table only!! (In size order of course)

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Yeah, I am SOOOO BAD like that.

The kitchen towel is *supposed to be* folded like so, the toilet paper must come over the roll, the shower curtain should always be closed ... okay, I just stopped myself from listing more so no one would think I was a total LOON!!!

LOL i'm like that too!!! (like Monica).

i can't sleep with the closet door open. I'm compulsive about closing things.
I can't remember what it was, but i yelled (not angry yell) at DH when he messed something up that i had in order... he thought i was crazy!! thats why i do ALL the cleaning (except dishes). Clothes have to be folded a certain way.
I HAVE to clean up IMMEDIATELY after we eat dinner.
he'll mess 'my order' up on purpose just to see me go mental!

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Posted by tracyg

LOL i'm like that too!!! (like Monica).

i can't sleep with the closet door open. I'm compulsive about closing things.
I can't remember what it was, but i yelled (not angry yell) at DH when he messed something up that i had in order... he thought i was crazy!! thats why i do ALL the cleaning (except dishes). Clothes have to be folded a certain way.
I HAVE to clean up IMMEDIATELY after we eat dinner.
he'll mess 'my order' up on purpose just to see me go mental!

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OK, are our DH's twins separated at birth???

I only let DH vacuum (and clean the shower).

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Posted by cocoa

Ok, I looooooooooove my FH...deeply. But he is messy. And lately, he's been sick, so I can't say anything. And I can't say anything in a couple of days cuz he'll say 'I've been sick'. so i must deal with it...but we are moving soon and the apartment is small...and i don't know how i'm going to handle crumbs from him preparing lunch or dishes left on the kitchen table or glasses all over the living room or laundry...omg, laundry EVERYWHERE!!!...to the point where i'm ready to put it all on his side of the bed or in garbage bags...sooooooooooooo, ladies (and gents), please tell me i'm not alone and do share how you deal with it!!! Please...he tries, but our place will never be in a decorating magazine, that's for sure.

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Are you married to my husband??? I am going through the same thing and I am moving tomorrow. My husband has been so sick since Monday and has not be able to help me pack. All he has done is made one bigh mess after the other. I feel bad for him, but I am going to crack very soon.

I think FH is going to be the one picking up after me. I was NEVER so disorganized in all my life...But maybe love makes you messy???

oh, and EVERYTHING has a place... and when he puts something back in the wrong place it drives me nuts!!! lol
and when he takes too long to get to the dishes i just go 'fine, i'll do them then' and go to do them, then he feels bad and jumps in and does them! haha

I HAVE to fold the clothes too.....it just makes sense to fold them neatly so you have more room!!!!!
And he knows not to put anything away in the cabinets becasue everything has it's place...and the refrigerator.....and the desk, and the computer desk.......I'm compulsive about putting things in their place....drives me insane!!!!
i guess there's a little Monica in me also!