The official 'Instafamily' thread

Here we are girls. A place where we can talk and vent and share.

Liza,
Ya know, you go through these emotions thinking that you're the only one who feels that way. I don't feel like their mom at all. Sometimes I don't even feel like a step-mom, sometimes I just feel like the babysitter. I know that sounds awful, but I do.

I guess I just hope that one day, they'll realize that I truly do love them with all my heart and want nothing but the best for them. I hope they feel the same way some day.

Aida,
Wow...she doesn't even know you guys are getting married. Holy cow. How are you doing that?

I don't want to feel like her mom, bc I'm not. I'm her step-mom, tho FH doesn't like us to use the 'step' word. Sometimes I feel like I have to convince everyone that I'm her parent too, albeit a step-parent but a parent nonetheless. I'm not one of the kids, I should be involved in conversations about her well-being too. Granted I haven't been around since conception but I'm a part of the picture now and need to be taken seriously too. We need to be given the value that we deserve!! I read an article on msn.com a few months ago that I think you ladies would appreciate, I'm going to try to find it!!

Well she knows we're engaged, but doesn't know WHEN we're getting married. We haven't even told his sons because we don't want HER to know. It's an overall bad situation right now with her and her 'husband' Oh yeah, did I tell you she was pregnant?? Oh yeah, she's pregnant!!! We think she was BEFORE they got married, she probably had the baby by now, she was being induced this week. That's her M O, she got pregnant to keep her new husband which is how she got my FH, they were teenage parents!!! (another long story!!!)

BUT, on a possitive note, my FH told me the other day that the little one asked him 'you're going to pick up mom from the train station?' My FH asked him if he was referring to me and he said YES. He wanted to know if it was OK to call me mom!!! I LOVE HIM FOR THAT, BUT, I don't want to be his mom per say. If that makes sense. He has a mom, I just want to be there for him and share all his good and bad times, you know? I love them like they were mine and I guess that's all I can really do is love them and be there for them when they need me and hope and pray they'll see me as a good role model.

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Well she knows we're engaged, but doesn't know WHEN we're getting married. We haven't even told his sons because we don't want HER to know. It's an overall bad situation right now with her and her 'husband' Oh yeah, did I tell you she was pregnant?? Oh yeah, she's pregnant!!! We think she was BEFORE they got married, she probably had the baby by now, she was being induced this week. That's her M O, she got pregnant to keep her new husband which is how she got my FH, they were teenage parents!!! (another long story!!!)

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Wow. That is tough. We actually were engaged for over a year before we told the kids. We didn't want the ex to find out either right away. Somehow, she did though. Have no idea how that happened. She sounds like a bit of a psycho. Fi's ex doesn't even have a job right now. She quit her job. Are you kidding me...do you not have 2 kids to support? It's not like she can afford to not have a job. I'm just confused by the whole situation, so I know where you're coming from in regards to the ex.

How cute is it that he wants to call you mom. I love it! Fi's kids are really attached to their mom, so that would never happen in my case, but I do want them to feel like they can come to me as a step-mom. You're right, they already have a mom. It can be a sticky situation, and sometimes I feel like I have to tread lightly.

Oh yeah, let's not talk about the fact that she doesn't work now!!! She didn't work when she was married to my FH either!! I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing for our kids and that's all that matters to me. It is a tough situation to be in, BUT I wouldn't trade it for the world!!!

All you can do is be supportive to your FH and give him advice. Never be afraid to show interest in the kids, eventually he will love you even more for it. As for HER, just be civil no matter what. It's tough, believe me I know, but it'll be the right thing to do. Sometimes the right thing to do, is the hardest thing to do!!!

Wow - you have a crazy situation going...

The older one sees me more as a buddy - we like the same music, clothes, go to punk shows together with FH, etc.... We like the same movies... little one likes her mom because she takes her shopping and cried recently saying we don't let her buy anything...



Like we have enough money to feed them half the time!!!

I'm bumping this - a new lady FMd me - I mentioned this thread...

(I've searched these boards and didn't find anything. I was just curious if anyone else is going into a marriage like this? Or am I the odd one out? lol .... any hands? Just curious if there is any minor drama like I'm having - making me sad a little ever since she found out we are getting married... ugh!)

I was forwarded this thread from someone else... Good to see!

She is just trying to make his life a living hell all of a sudden. She used to have him wrapped around her finger. Now she is working his mother - redeveloping a relationship with his mother and doing all kinds of things to upset him. She took him to court and had a letter sent to his job because he was 2 days late for a $5.00 payment on health insurance ---- again --- making his life a living hell. She is working his mom so much that his mom is even calling him to get him to talk to her more often because she is trying to be 'good'. I have a good relationship with his mother as well, but she seems to be meddling a lot b/c she loves her granddaughter to death. So I guess I am having this feeling 'less worthy' moment right now - like that mother is better than me b/c she has that 'link' you know?