THE RULES -- THIS TIME BY MEN!!!!!
THE RULES -- THIS TIME BY MEN!!!!!
>We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now
>here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
>Please note... These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
>If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hearus *****ing about you leaving it down.
>1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
>changing of the tides. Let it be.
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
>to think of it that way.
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
>Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do
not
>work! Just say it!
>1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
>calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think
we'd
be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your
dress?
>
>1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to
>almost every question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
>solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
>See a doctor.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us
>to act like soap opera guys.
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
>and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
>say during commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and >neither do we.
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
>settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is
also a
>fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
>lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about
you.
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
>you wear is fine. Really.
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
>are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
>formation, or monster trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. Peanuts are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
>1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
>couch tonight, but you should know that we really don't mind; it's
like
>camping.
![]()
![]()
![]()
>We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now
>here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
>Please note... These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
>If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hearus *****ing about you leaving it down.
>1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
>changing of the tides. Let it be.
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
>to think of it that way.
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
>Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do
not
>work! Just say it!
>1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
>calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think
we'd
be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your
dress?
>
>1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to
>almost every question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
>solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
>See a doctor.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us
>to act like soap opera guys.
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
>and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
>say during commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and >neither do we.
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
>settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is
also a
>fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
>lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about
you.
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
>you wear is fine. Really.
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
>are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
>formation, or monster trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. Peanuts are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
>1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
>couch tonight, but you should know that we really don't mind; it's
like
>camping.
