So I was just over my BM's house, the 'problem child' so to speak. She isn't seeing anyone, so I wasn't inviting her with a guest.
So somehow we got on the topic of the bar, and she said that she wouldn't be drinking if she has to drive home, so i said she wouldn't have her car with her anyways since we're going in the limo and someone I'm sure would drive her home, and she said yeah maybe my date will, who knows.
So I must have shot her some look (inadvertently, hiding my emotions on my face has never been my strong suit), because then she said well, I don't know, I haven't decided if I'm going to bring a date or not.
Ugh.
So now clearly I *have* to invite her plus one...but I know she's going to ask like a 16 year old kid from the Y or something ridiculous.
What's going to come back to bite me in the butt is that FH is inviting his two single GM with guests, because he didn't feel it was right not to give the option. So she'd be the only adult in the BP not invited plus one.
I guess at this point there's really nothing I can do, right? I mean, if she had someone to bring legitimately I'd have no problem, but she's not dating, her college semi bf is out of state, and she works with literally children so...would I be out of line to say that I'd rather her not bring someone just for the sake of bringing someone?
DomesticDeeva
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
I know it sux, but since FH let his GM's have a guest, your BM should too. It's like you can't let one do it and not the other.
We decided that no one would be invited with a guest, unless it was a long standing boyfriend who we knew, fiance, or obviously husband. Hopefully she won't bring someone just for the sake of having a date.
FinallyMrsB18
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
I hate to say this b/c if this was my dilemma I would so be thinking just as you are. However from the outside if she is going to be the only one with out a guest, I would feel bad. Are the other groomsman defin bringing guests? I think if they are you need to let her bring someone aka an adult not a child. If there not then I think it is less sticky. Good luck in whatever you decide. I so get the not just wanting some random dude as her guest thing.
coldasice217
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
I dont know if the guys would be bringing guests, because they'd have to grasp at straws too. And one has a habit of visiting, um, websites that end in .cz and .ru....yes I'm serious, and yes, we have legitimate reason to be concerned with foreign prostitutes showing up, but that's a whole other can of worms for a different day.
I really don't want to seem like I'm dictating who her guest can and cannot be...but at the same time, she really will ask a 16 year old kid, and I'm simply just not joking. I don't know what to do!
Celeste617
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
I had a similar situation with one of my BMs. She said she wouldn't drink if she had to drive home. So I had invited her with a guest even though she wasn't seriously dating anyone. I just told her to let me know by the date my final count was due. In the end she ended up telling me that she wasn't going to bring anyone since we wasn't feeling serious with the guy she was dating. And she still drank for the earlier part of the day so it all worked out! Just tell your friend that if she ends up not having someone to bring to let you know by the final count day.
springsandra
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
I would just invite her with a guest. At this point the extra $100 or so doesn't outweigh her being able to enjoy herself at the wedding IMO.
I invited my 24 y/o step-sister (not in the BP) with a guest. She's bringing a girl she's friends with. If that's what's going to make her enjoy the wedding most, I'm all for it.
Sorry if that doesn't help.
misswitty
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
So, now that I'm 4 days away from my wedding, I will say this: I STRESSED out over the whole 'and guest' thing - similar to your situation. There's a cousin in FH's side of the family who is singing at our wedding and I originally didn't have her with a date, but decided to do it anyway when it came down to the invitations. I found that enough people replied 'no' that it didn't really matter about that one 'and guest.' As the time gets closer, more things, different, more important things are going to be there for you to worry about - like meeting with all your vendors, doing seating arrangements, etc. - that you'll not even worry about the 'and guest' thing. I say, just invite the 'and guest' and be done with it. It will save everyone a lot of stress in the end, and your BM will be happy to have the option. One of my BMs is bringing a friend (girl) cause she's not seeing anyone, and I'm fine with that. Besides, the friend is a hoot! It will all work out, trust me!
Tracey1979
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
Posted by 2ndTimeBride
I know it sux, but since FH let his GM's have a guest, your BM should too. It's like you can't let one do it and not the other.
We decided that no one would be invited with a guest, unless it was a long standing boyfriend who we knew, fiance, or obviously husband. Hopefully she won't bring someone just for the sake of having a date.
I agree - if his GM's can, then I think you have to give her the option.
xosweetiexo
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
Awwww Im sorry Ali
What FH and I did, was ...we invited everyone with a guest but then made it clear to people that they could bring a guest if they wanted, but we really preferred a bf/gf at the wedding and that they were able to make that choice on what they wanted. Surprisenly, a lot of our friends understood and are coming alone if they dont have a steady bf.....most of my gf's made a pact that they would go all as girls. This has made us VERY EXCITED lol We def. dont want to be over....
I would just say that she can have a guest, but you would prefer it only be a steady bf/gf and that she def cant bring another girl. We made it clear that if you brought someone it has to be of the opposite sex. IMO I hate when another girl brings another girl that you dont even know....anyway- if you invited all of the other GM's with a date and she is a BM, then she should get a date too because if she finds this out she might be really pissed off, ya know? Also, will she know anyone else at your wedding? If she doesnt know anyone else and doesnt have a bf... I guess I would let her bring a girl in that situation because you want her to know someone and enjoy herself.
Sorry so long for a quick response lol!!!
MrsCM
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
Anyone in the BP who isn't dating anyone was invited as one but I verbally told them that if something changes before the wedding feel free to bring a date. I did point out though that I don't think it's right to make some guy (or girl) sit through that, if they're with me from early, early on and all day and some guy is just sitting there on their own...it's just really not what I want. Our bridal party knows each other and half the wedding, it's kinda unnecessary but I gave them the option which none of them have elected to bring anyone up til now anyway. My cousins are groomsmen and I invited their girlfriends and they are like 'no dude they're staying home' lol.
coldasice217
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
I guess I'll just invite her plus one, but have the requisite 'talking to' with her before hand...she will know other people at the wedding, but they all have SOs, so she still might feel like the odd one out. I tried to explain to her that she really is going to be so busy it won't even matter...but we'll see. I know she went to another wedding in the Fall solo, so I dont see why she wouldn't now too.
geegee827
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
I have been on the receiving end of being single and invited to weddings either with a guest or without one. (I was 38 when I met FH - so I had a lot of single time )
I honestly have to say, I would get a little bit mad if I wasn't invited with a date. It made me feel like I wasn't as important as someone else just because I wasn't coupled up. However, if I wasn't dating someone seriously (or sometimes even if I was but thought I'd have a better time without him), I would go alone any way.
I think you need to give people the option of bringing a guest. I don't hink most people look for a 'date for a wedding.'
Being in the BP is a whole different story. I think you need to invite her with a date. If it's not someone who is a long-term or serious boyfriend, she may not want to bring him, since when you're in the BP, you don't get to see your date a lot and he will be alone most of the evening.
HTH.
MrsCM
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Re: The sticky 'and guest' dilemma...
Because now she has the option? I'm always the girl who gets the call that says 'I need to find a date for a wedding, wanna come?' And it's like...why do you NEED a date for the wedding? Don't you know anyone there?
Do whatever you feel is right. I'm happy that my girls are flying solo, I don't want them to feel like they have to go entertain someone and same with the groomsmen. I don't want anyone to have to worry about someone else but if they do that's their prerogative. (This coming from the bride that went bridezilla and told everyone if they're late they miss pictures and/or the wedding, so be it.) My entire bridal party is habitually late to everything in my defense, but my point is it's your day and they should worry about you.
