So now there are a mere 25 days - DAYS- left until my nuptial disaster. How did this happen? Where did the time go? Am I really almost a newlywed? Will I be banished from my beloved '09 board, and mutate into a newly overnight??
Before any drama ensues, that does NOT imply anything wrong with the newlys. Just that it's different.
Remember also, the X Men are mutants, and they are awesome, so no offense. Just don't want to start any
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So ANYWAY, I have been completely afreaked (yes, I made it up, and yes, it's a great word I plan on branding) about everything. No, I don't have my dress yet (commence reverse peristalsis), although my mom did see 'what we have so far' this weekend, and wasn't shy about voicing her displeasure. 'Where did you GET those boobs??' was NOT a compliment. How could I tell? Because when I came out of the fitting room, all prepared for a typical gushing MOB, I got 'well, Suzie, what do YOU think of it?'
I think we can all agree on what that means. Oh, and yes, she still calls me Suzie. I'm only 36.
So anyway, I have all of this CRAP left to do (it turns out my OOT guest transportation situation has morphed from a van to two charter buses. I think I may just requisition a blimp. Then I can stand next to it in pics and look slim. I hear blimps are slimming.), and the only thing I can think of is.....
what am I going to eat next?
I have now been on this diet - and by diet, I mean diet part 2 of Chapter 7 of the lifetime of diets. I think I've been on 7 big ones, and this is part two of number 7. Part one was May (engaged April 25th- needed a few days of grazing to tank up for the challenge and to mentally prepare) through December.
Okay, that's a lie. Part 1 was really May to October, which was my birthday, and which heralded the arrival of Holiday Eating. Yes, my holidays stretch from October to December. I REALLY celebrate the pilgrims and the birth of the Lord. And I celebrate them, apparently, with pizza. The Trinity as I know it- bread, sauce, and the holy cheese. (no, not swiss. That's disgusting.)
Can I get to the point? So the POINT is, since the great failure of Aught 8, wherein I gained 15 lbs in the span of 3 months, where all other normal people lose weight because they are getting married soon, I have only cheated three times.
1- the shower. And I almost made it through the whole thing, and then some inconsiderate b as tard put a piece of cake in front of me while I was opening presents. Not right in front of me, but on the table in front of me, so what was I supposed to do. I drooled all over my gifts, and then ran over and ate my cake. And then someone else's. The rest of the night was a blur of high blood sugar, brownies and elephant ears. I think I blacked out, and woke up with icing on my face. The only thing is, the cake was done by then, so where was the icing from?
Wait........that wasN'T ICING!!!!!
gross. Only kidding.
And then there was my bachelorette, where I went to Il Mulino and ate the equivalent of what Michael Phelps will consume when he's in training AND has the munchies.
Seriously, can you imagine THAT?? Impressive.
Anyway, here I sit, 25 days left until my wedding. I still think I can manage to lose 100 lbs- am I kidding myself? I don't think so. If I keep doing what I'm doing, I think it will all work out. I am detailing my diet plan below.
