This Makes Me Laugh.
This list is pretty hilarious.
THE 'I DON'T LIKE IT' LIST!
by: Max Burbank
Hot coffee in the face
TYPING ALL IN CAPS TO INDICATE YELLING!
YELLING!
UNWARRANTED USE OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!
Grabby Monkeys
Gropey Monkeys
People who jump out at you in Haunted House attractions
People who jump out at you at all
Actually haunted houses
Dave
Completely made up words like 'Cinnabon'
Punch in the face
Punch in the face causing temporary blindness
Punch in the face causing permanent blindness
Blindness
People who think doing a passing imitation of a funny catch phrase is the same as being funny
Dead rat on a rope traveling at forty-five mph in the face
Fear of late night monsters in the toilet continuing out of toddler years and straight through to adulthood
Finally getting to see a show you really wanted to see for the second time and it's a rerun of the one episode you already saw
Unidentified pinching sensations below the belt while swimming
That dream where Lucy Lawless made this whole big deal over my inadequacy in the sex department
That dream where Katherine MacPhee made this whole big deal over my inadequacy in the sex department
That dream where Ernest Borgnine made this whole big deal over my inadequacy in the sex department
WHALE MUSIC, WHALE MUSIC, WHALE MUSIC!
Star Trek Voyager
Kate Mulgrew
Kate Mulgrew on Star Trek Voyager
Jumpy Bean Dave and his all Pre-op Samba Orchestra
Bad touchies
Owies
Uncle Dave who I am pretty sure was not my uncle
All those guys Dad did time with
'Mexican' Dave Saunders who was not Mexican at all but was hiding in our garage that one time and jumped out at me
People quoting Monty Python until I couldn't even like Monty Python anymore
The dark
Barbara Streisand
Meat cutters with an evil glint in their eyes and forearms like horse legs roped with muscle and covered in hair and tattooed all over with images of Barbara Streisand
That stone *** Mo-Fo Dave
Pants fulla Monkeys
Elephantiasis
When a mosquito gets into your house and flies near your ear when you're trying to sleep and you can't catch it, and every time you think you've driven it away it comes back and wakes you up again until around 4:32 AM you bust into a neighbors house, kill their sleeping dogs and set fire to the place to cover your tracks.
My neighbor Dave and his ******** dogs
Tiny, angry, microscopic Monkeys in your bloodstream on nanotech motorcycles
******** ghost of Mary baker Eddy with her constant need to play Canasta
Leprechauns
Leprechauns
Leprechauns
Leprechauns
Jew Leprechauns
When you're necking with a girl and suddenly you see in the mirror you're necking with a corpse because she's a ghost and then you realize you're just remembering that time you watched 'The Shining'
Genocide
Cancer
Poverty
Wintergreen gum
DaaaaAAAAAAAAAVE!
Weiner in a mouse trap
Dogs in Iron Lungs a-takin' our jobs and a-stealin' our womens
People who jump out at you in libraries
Eye worms
Shenanigans
Jiggery-pokery
Malarkey
Flim-Flam
Chumbawamba
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
Open casket funerals of people who died from being partially dissolved by industrial solvents
Hassles
Snake oil salesman that promise you the moon but leave you high and dry holding the bag
When your doorbell rings and you open the door and there's nobody there and you look down and there's a paper bag on your doorstep and Jesus, it's on fire, so you stamp on it without even thinking and the ******** bag turns out to be full of memories of a girl you knew in high school who you never asked out even though on certain summer nights you can still smell her hair
Dragon Tails, Dragon Tails, it's almost time for Dragon tails
The bottom line
At the end of the day
When push comes to shove
Shut up Dave, just shut up, can't you ******** SHUT UP!?
That Seven Eleven Microwave Burrito at 2:00 in the morning in 1987
Hitler
Hi-lighters
The strongly held belief in my own exceptionality which I know is wrong
Reflux
Haters
Belt Sander in the face
People who jump out at you in elevators and the next thing you know you're waking up in a bathtub full of ice cubes minus a kidney
Hong Kong Phooey impersonators with the 'friendly' hands
Grab *** meter maids all hopped up on electric fun juice and stay awake pills
Wrecking ball in the face
Prejudice
Intolerance
Bigotry
Mexicans
Flammable pajamas
Really flammable pajamas
Extra flammable pajamas with hair trigger Zippo lighter accents
That time in high school
That time in high school musical
People that jump out at you during high school musical in the face
Cotton eye Joe
Everybody
Everything
All the time
Did I mention Dave?
THE 'I DON'T LIKE IT' LIST!
by: Max Burbank
Hot coffee in the face
TYPING ALL IN CAPS TO INDICATE YELLING!
YELLING!
UNWARRANTED USE OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!
Grabby Monkeys
Gropey Monkeys
People who jump out at you in Haunted House attractions
People who jump out at you at all
Actually haunted houses
Dave
Completely made up words like 'Cinnabon'
Punch in the face
Punch in the face causing temporary blindness
Punch in the face causing permanent blindness
Blindness
People who think doing a passing imitation of a funny catch phrase is the same as being funny
Dead rat on a rope traveling at forty-five mph in the face
Fear of late night monsters in the toilet continuing out of toddler years and straight through to adulthood
Finally getting to see a show you really wanted to see for the second time and it's a rerun of the one episode you already saw
Unidentified pinching sensations below the belt while swimming
That dream where Lucy Lawless made this whole big deal over my inadequacy in the sex department
That dream where Katherine MacPhee made this whole big deal over my inadequacy in the sex department
That dream where Ernest Borgnine made this whole big deal over my inadequacy in the sex department
WHALE MUSIC, WHALE MUSIC, WHALE MUSIC!
Star Trek Voyager
Kate Mulgrew
Kate Mulgrew on Star Trek Voyager
Jumpy Bean Dave and his all Pre-op Samba Orchestra
Bad touchies
Owies
Uncle Dave who I am pretty sure was not my uncle
All those guys Dad did time with
'Mexican' Dave Saunders who was not Mexican at all but was hiding in our garage that one time and jumped out at me
People quoting Monty Python until I couldn't even like Monty Python anymore
The dark
Barbara Streisand
Meat cutters with an evil glint in their eyes and forearms like horse legs roped with muscle and covered in hair and tattooed all over with images of Barbara Streisand
That stone *** Mo-Fo Dave
Pants fulla Monkeys
Elephantiasis
When a mosquito gets into your house and flies near your ear when you're trying to sleep and you can't catch it, and every time you think you've driven it away it comes back and wakes you up again until around 4:32 AM you bust into a neighbors house, kill their sleeping dogs and set fire to the place to cover your tracks.
My neighbor Dave and his ******** dogs
Tiny, angry, microscopic Monkeys in your bloodstream on nanotech motorcycles
******** ghost of Mary baker Eddy with her constant need to play Canasta
Leprechauns
Leprechauns
Leprechauns
Leprechauns
Jew Leprechauns
When you're necking with a girl and suddenly you see in the mirror you're necking with a corpse because she's a ghost and then you realize you're just remembering that time you watched 'The Shining'
Genocide
Cancer
Poverty
Wintergreen gum
DaaaaAAAAAAAAAVE!
Weiner in a mouse trap
Dogs in Iron Lungs a-takin' our jobs and a-stealin' our womens
People who jump out at you in libraries
Eye worms
Shenanigans
Jiggery-pokery
Malarkey
Flim-Flam
Chumbawamba
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
Open casket funerals of people who died from being partially dissolved by industrial solvents
Hassles
Snake oil salesman that promise you the moon but leave you high and dry holding the bag
When your doorbell rings and you open the door and there's nobody there and you look down and there's a paper bag on your doorstep and Jesus, it's on fire, so you stamp on it without even thinking and the ******** bag turns out to be full of memories of a girl you knew in high school who you never asked out even though on certain summer nights you can still smell her hair
Dragon Tails, Dragon Tails, it's almost time for Dragon tails
The bottom line
At the end of the day
When push comes to shove
Shut up Dave, just shut up, can't you ******** SHUT UP!?
That Seven Eleven Microwave Burrito at 2:00 in the morning in 1987
Hitler
Hi-lighters
The strongly held belief in my own exceptionality which I know is wrong
Reflux
Haters
Belt Sander in the face
People who jump out at you in elevators and the next thing you know you're waking up in a bathtub full of ice cubes minus a kidney
Hong Kong Phooey impersonators with the 'friendly' hands
Grab *** meter maids all hopped up on electric fun juice and stay awake pills
Wrecking ball in the face
Prejudice
Intolerance
Bigotry
Mexicans
Flammable pajamas
Really flammable pajamas
Extra flammable pajamas with hair trigger Zippo lighter accents
That time in high school
That time in high school musical
People that jump out at you during high school musical in the face
Cotton eye Joe
Everybody
Everything
All the time
Did I mention Dave?
