I won't be dealing with invitations for some time, but I just received a friend's invitation and it got me thinking. I've been to 5 black tie weddings in the past 4 months (we've been busy) and each invitation was worded differently. What are your thoughts on the following:
Black tie
Black tie optional
Black tie preferred
Black tie appreciated
I suppose the goal is to really just convey that the dress is formal without sounding pushy.
I was a BM in a wedding which was black tie. She had the wording
Black Tie
on the bottom of the invitation, left side. I thought it was clear without being too insistent. Good luck.
I think you should write black tie optional. I think it is an insult if you are 'telling' them to wear a tux. Plus I think it's much more classey to see a man in a nice suit rather than a rented tux.
Most Saturday Night and Sunday Night wedding invitations that I have seen have said 'Black Tie'. If it were an afternoon, I have usually seen 'Black Tie Optional'.
I like the idea of it in the bottom corner. There are a lot of mixed views on black tie weddings- but if that is what you want then I say put it on the invites. If you don't want it optional then don't put it optional. After all the months I have been planning- I am so sick of trying to do things a certain way so I do not piss anyone off-but since it is your day and you are spending all this money make it exactly the way you want it :)
I am not a big fan of any of those wordings. Your guests are your guests, not your props or accessories. They are there to celebrate with you, not decorate your reception. Many people I know can't afford, or choose not to afford formal clothes, based on their finances. I would rather not make them feel uncomfortable or unwelcome by mentioning the kind of clothing I prefer. I'd rather they were just at my wedding to hug me and have a good time. This, of course, is just my opinion.
The proper ettiquette is to convey the formality of the event through the formality of the invitation - engraved, caligraphy, and a very formal, traditional style, also the time and the reception venue would dictate the dress.
It's really not proper to tell your guests how they should dress, nor is it considerate to ask them to spend extra money on their clothing in order to attend.
You are entitled to your opinions, and I know a lot of people who also feel the same way you do. However, I was hoping for feedback on how you would word a black tie invite if you were having a black tie affair. The reality is that every wedding i've been to my entire life has been black tie (and I've also had to splurge on attire as has my fiance). We've actually enjoyed the occassions to dress up :-) (although the 10 weddings we have this year is a bit much ;-) )
My question is how to word it so it does not REQUIRE my guests to purchase or rent a tux if they'd rather not. I understand the finances sometimes required to attend a wedding, especially if you are travelling and I don't want to lose guests if they feel they need to spend $ on attire. However if my guests own a tux or a very formal dress already, it gives them the go-ahead to wear it if they'd like. (I also know that the majority of my guests own tuxes/evening gowns since they've been at most of the black tie weddings I've been to!)
I think that the invitation style and wording, as well as time and location will indicate the level of your formality to your guests. I had a very formal evening reception, and many of my male guests were wearing tuxedos, although I didn't request it. They just inferred the level of formality from the time, location, and invitation. I mean, if I were getting married on a Sunday morning in my parents backyard, and sent out invitations that were bought at a stationery store and filled out in ballpoint pen, would you wear the same outfit that you would wear to a Saturday night wedding at a restaurant or catering hall, that you received an ingraved invitation to? : )
Of course the final decision is 100% up to you and your fiance. : )
No matter what you do, you will have a wonderful day.
