Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

NapaValleyGirl Posted: May 05, 2008 09:59 AM

Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

My aunt who is SO dear to me just told me that her son and daughter in law may come to the wedding. My cousin has been sent to the middle east twice in the past five years because he is in the Air Force.

Anyway, my cousin and his wife live in Florida with their FOUR children. The kids range in the age of 10 to age 4. I think they are assuming their children can come to the wedding.....

PS I don't want any children at the wedding except for the BP children who will go upstairs to the lounge with babysitters at 8pm.

How do I handle this? I feel bad but the last thing I want or need is a gaggle of children at the reception....

wifetobe Posted: May 05, 2008 10:04 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

On your invite at the bottom you can put 'Adult Reception to follow'

AMGBride2008 Posted: May 05, 2008 10:11 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

Ask your aunt if your cousins would feel comfortable leaving the children with the babysitter you hired. Explain to her that it is an adult only reception and that there will be no children there... don't bend if you don't want to.

NapaValleyGirl Posted: May 05, 2008 10:25 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

Posted by AMGBride2008

Ask your aunt if your cousins would feel comfortable leaving the children with the babysitter you hired. Explain to her that it is an adult only reception and that there will be no children there... don't bend if you don't want to.

Yeah, I'm going to in my best way 'tactfully' say that it's an adult only reception.
I hate this awkwardness!!!!

snowcutie82 Posted: May 05, 2008 10:32 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

on the invites...im only putting the parents name and then filling out the rsvp card to say _ of 2 will or will not attend etc. (i dont have the exact wording yet).

im also including baby sitter info in the invite package.

if u want them to know ahead of time...spread the info via word of mouth. i told my parents and they are taking care of it.

and if u have the extra $ maybe hire another babysitter or two...that way in case ppl still bring kids...they can take the children to a different room in the rh. so that the parents go to the ch and reception and the kids go elsewhere?

davenjess Posted: May 05, 2008 10:35 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

i'm going to play devil's advocate here....

the way we did it (though we WANTED kids at the reception) was if you are coming from out of state, you were entitled to bring your children.

i'm sorry - but i don't think it's fair that you are asking them to travel from Florida, with all of their children and then leave them with a babysitter.

They may be insulted -so you need to prepare for that possibility.

NapaValleyGirl Posted: May 05, 2008 10:41 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

I would love to have all of my aunt's grand children at the reception but she has 15. That's a little out of control for me to pay for and have 15 children under the age of 10 at the reception. Financially I cannot do it....

cmjd Posted: May 05, 2008 10:42 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

I put adults only reception. I was nervous i would insult people but on the same hand i knew i did not want kids running on the dance floor and sleeping on the tables at 9pm. You have to just know that you take the chance of some people with kids not coming becuase they cant bring there kids. It depends on how important it is to you to have an adults only reception. To me, it was very important.

davenjess Posted: May 05, 2008 10:43 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

Posted by NapaValleyGirl

I would love to have all of my aunt's grand children at the reception but she has 15. That's a little out of control for me to pay for and have 15 children under the age of 10 at the reception. Financially I cannot do it....

I never meant to say you SHOULD do it - i'm just saying you need to be prepared for them to be insulted, angry, upset....that sort of thing. Think of it financially from their side...they have to pay for them all to fly up here (because there's no way they'll leave the state without their kids) and then they will have to pay for a babysitter while they are up here...

I'm just pointing out the possibility of upset/angry people...that's all. There's always 2 sides to everything. Adult only reception is 100% fine - but OOT people may not like it and RSVP no because of it.

deb08 Posted: May 05, 2008 10:49 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

We place at the bottom of our recp card
adult reception to follow-
you should tell them that
if they feel comfortable if you hire a babysitter for them for the day- I am sure that they would love to have some time to them selves for a nice evening out!!! Good luck

futuremrsfab Posted: May 05, 2008 11:13 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

At FH's cousin's wedding, they invited oot relatives that had children. The kids were left at her mother's house and they hired two neighbors that they trusted to watch the kids and it worked out perfectly for everyone.

Not all people want to bring their kids to a wedding- some would like a night out without them- good luck!

NapaValleyGirl Posted: May 05, 2008 11:14 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

Posted by futuremrsfab

At FH's cousin's wedding, they invited oot relatives that had children. The kids were left at her mother's house and they hired two neighbors that they trusted to watch the kids and it worked out perfectly for everyone.

Not all people want to bring their kids to a wedding- some would like a night out without them- good luck!

Yes, I may provide a babysitter at the hotel for them as an option.

snwb08 Posted: May 05, 2008 11:22 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

i think generally weddings aren't a place for kids. I've seen my nieces and nephew pass out at my cousin's wedding, and my sisters look miserable from having to run after them. JMO.

That said, I'm doing the same thing (though I don't have OOTers) and only having the kids in the BP. I did it before where I told my cousin sorry but if your kids come i'm going to offend everyone else who i did not invite with kids. More often then not people understand and I agree some don't always want to bring kids

NapaValleyGirl Posted: May 05, 2008 11:26 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

Posted by snwb08

i think generally weddings aren't a place for kids. I've seen my nieces and nephew pass out at my cousin's wedding, and my sisters look miserable from having to run after them. JMO.

That said, I'm doing the same thing (though I don't have OOTers) and only having the kids in the BP. I did it before where I told my cousin sorry but if your kids come i'm going to offend everyone else who i did not invite with kids. More often then not people understand and I agree some don't always want to bring kids

I agree. I've seen too many kids pass out at weddings and at my own engagment party my cousin's children were choking each other on the dance floor and then ran underneath the waiters who then dropped their trays which had all the garbage from the table on it. My eparty was not enjoyable because it was total chaos based around the kids. And, the eparty didn't even have ALL the kids. Just 10 of them..... They just get really rambunctious when they are together.

I did not expect my cousin's to travel from florida to my wedding. They are planning to make a family vacation out of it and go to the aquarium, children's museum etc.... In fact, they told me they weren't coming now they changed their minds because they want to go on vacation.

anamaree77 Posted: May 05, 2008 11:29 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

You have to just be firm about it. I am having an Adults Only reception and after my Bridal Shower this weekend, I am STICKING TO IT!!! My niece had a meltdown half way thru and my MOH was stuk trying to cater to her, she was chasing them around all day and I had to stop her a dozen times to ask her to take pics and for help. The kids were jumping in the way when we were doing gifts, cryign because they wanted to use the cameras, wanting to be held...it honestly did put a bit of a damper on my day.

NapaValleyGirl Posted: May 05, 2008 11:31 AM

Re: Thoughts on how to handle a situation:Re Children @ wedding

Posted by anamaree77

You have to just be firm about it. I am having an Adults Only reception and after my Bridal Shower this weekend, I am STICKING TO IT!!! My niece had a meltdown half way thru and my MOH was stuk trying to cater to her, she was chasing them around all day and I had to stop her a dozen times to ask her to take pics and for help. The kids were jumping in the way when we were doing gifts, cryign because they wanted to use the cameras, wanting to be held...it honestly did put a bit of a damper on my day.

I'm so sorry that happened! I hope you had an enjoyable time despite that!