thrilling thursday

I WANT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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TFLN and FML's are coming up... bare with me, there's A LOT!

OMG that car parked in the shopping cart 'lane' is awesome!!! Total Win!

I wish I had lightsabers at my wedding.

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Posted by jilliibabii

I wish I had lightsabers at my wedding.

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I wanted silly masks and faces.

(630):

The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im **** drunk just to f with my mind.
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(740):

well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, 'dear you: i had sex with someone awful.'
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(613):

I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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(949):

I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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(503):

Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to'wake them up from their nap' agian
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(289):

Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
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(425):

all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
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(763):

Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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(416):

Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word 'boner' in a wedding card...
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(705):

Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
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(541):

You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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(575):

Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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(937):

how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
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(202):

I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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(215):

Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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(978):

I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
(617):

you grabbed my d--- through my pants and hissed at me.
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(281):

He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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(830):

Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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(516):

Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says 'peace offering'
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(708):

You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
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(781):

she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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(205):

i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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(253):

Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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(706):

They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
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FML's to come...

OMG.. I want the 'just got adopted' dog!!!!!!!!


As for the rest... as usual...

Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
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Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Today, I woke up with a serious hangover, slumped on the table in my kitchen. The only problem was that my trousers were pulled down to my ankles and were covered in puke, and I'd shat myself. Apparently, in a drunken haze, I'd mistaken the chair for the toilet. FML
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Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML
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Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML
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Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML
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Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML
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Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying 'You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number.' I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML
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Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath & Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML
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Today, my fiancé proposed to me. I was really excited until he asked, 'Can we go halfsies on the ring?' FML
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Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML
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Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, 'Mommy won't feed me.' FML
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Today, my 4 year old daughter walked into my home office and said F*** you! Then she ran to my husband and said 'Did I say it right?' FML
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Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML
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Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, 'Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers.' FML
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Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say 'Blah blah blah.' Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML
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Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the 2nd floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the 5th press that I realized we were already on the 2nd floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML
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Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, 'Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things.' FML
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Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML
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Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like 'How are you?' 'How's your day going?' and 'What's for dinner?' I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML
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intimacy ones tomorrow.

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Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

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Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, 'Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things.' FML
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Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like 'How are you?' 'How's your day going?' and 'What's for dinner?' I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML
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intimacy ones tomorrow.

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Those two really crack me up!

'Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML'