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Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

MissAngel Posted:

Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

Hi ladies - this is my 1st post, but I've been checking out the boards for some time now...thanks for all of your help! I finally have a question of my own for you

My FH & I decided to do a Saturday afternoon reception, with the cocktail hour beginning at 12:30pm. We were back & forth on the ceremony time at the church for a while, but we finally agreed to a 9:30am ceremony. The one request that my FH has REALLY had is that we attend the cocktail hour & the only way that we’ll really be able to do that is with an earlier ceremony. Anyways, after the pics & the receiving line finish, there’s going to be a 60-70 minute break before the guests will need to start the 40 min. drive to the RH…

So here's my question: is it rude & unacceptable for us to 'burden' our guests with a 60-70 minute wait between the two? My FMIL (who is from out of state & is having a REAL hard time understanding A LOT of what goes on here in NY) pretty much made it clear to us this past weekend that we made a terrible plan, that we're being inconsiderate to ALL of our guests (not just her family - sureeee...) & that we should re-think the entire thing.

I don't know what to do any more now...we both made it clear that WE had already discussed it & that WE are doing it that way for a reason, but are WE wrong? I’ve been ignoring a lot of what she’s said the past few months because she’s very opinionated & her approach tends to be brusque (it’s what my FH advised me to do since she was upsetting me so much, so often), but now she has me worried – is she right? Are we being rude? Will our guests be annoyed with us when they finally arrive after that 1 hour break? Most of them are local & have places to go in between & the hotel that we're using is directly on the way to the RH, so the OOT guests can easily head there for the hour…but now I don’t know. My FH told me to ignore her & stick to our plans, but I was up all last night thinking about angry guests whispering nasty words about us at our reception If you could all let me know honestly what you think, I'd appreciate it...Despite what we would like to do, we really just want to do the right thing...Thanks!
erdbeere Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

I don't think an hour is too much time in between. I've seen girls post on here who have 4+ hrs...

Spelldizzy Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

Im going through something somewhat similar. I'm beginning to learn that no matter what you do, you cannot make everyone happy. Although its nice to make things simple for people, some things can't be helped, and in the end its you and your FH's day. My OOT guests don't understand why my ceremony ends at 4 and my reception starts at 6, but I'm sure they will after they sit in rush hour traffic.

tmarie Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

Of course you need that time. First off you need time to take pictures, what does that mean you are not supposed to go the your cocktail hour. Even if you do not attend the full cocktail hour, the bridal party and bride and groom have their own cocktail hour in the bridal suite.
I am looking at a 6:30 cocktail hour and a 2or 2:30 wedding. 2-3 cermony 3-30 to get to pics location 3:30-5:00 pics; 5-530 travel to hall give or take a while. So we may have a half hour or hour at the hall before guests get there. So what. Is it ok to take time to catch your breath. Plus there are pictures that you take at the hall as well. Why take up your cocktail time with that. Do it before and then go have fun. IT GOES SO FAST ANYWAY WHY DO YOU WANT TO RUSH IT.

So my suggestions:
- at our family weddings we usually go back to the bride/groom's parents house, cup of coffee and some cookies. So maybe if your mom is nice enough she would open it to the OOT guests. It would be a nice guesture.
-suggest that they go back to the hotel for to freshen up. Maybe have the hotel have some sort of brunch snacks available.
-See if your RH can do anything. Sometimes they are willing to set the people up with something in the meantime.

I think the going back to the hotel is fine. People stand around chit chatting anyway. especially when you have people from OOT because they ahev not seen each other in a while. Tell get over it.

I have a new motto from the wedding plannign thing. I do for everyone else 365 days of the year, if the people that care about me can't do for me for one day, then screw it. Let them be mad.

You can't keep everyone happy.
KSquared Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

The first thing I think is that its YOUR day - meaning you and your FH, so don't worry about inconviencing others, it's not about what works for them, it's what works for the two of you.
I'm doing the same thing, ceremony is at 3:30, cocktail hour starts at 7:30. The OOT guests will most likely being staying at a hotel about .5miles from the RH so I figure they can just go there and freshen up and relax for a few minutes, not to be rude, but I really don't care what they do, we want to attend our CH so they can just deal.

So basically I'm doing the same thing and not giving it a second thought, you shouldn't either
Mizzdimple Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

One hour is standard.....No offense but she is insane...dont you need time to get from the church to the RH, and what about traffic.

I would not even think twice about it. One hour is perfect!

I had a 4 hr gap...and i changed it to a 2 hour gap to be accomodating.

ant n tilde Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

my ceremony ends at 3 and my CH starts at 7:30 (4.5 hour gap)

it is nice to offer something in between but honestly - i have always 'fended for myself' in those situations and been fine. . .

you have to do what YOU want - you cant please everyone. . .
CrisiDrue Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

What most likely will happen is people won't come to the ceremony if they have a lot of time inbetween the church and reception. My ceremony is at 3pm, and CH at 7pm, so my FMIL is having cocktails & finger-food back at her house for guests that have nowhere to go. A lot of people go home if they live close by, but many are from OOT or out east, and we did this so more people would come to the ceremony.

july06bride Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

an hour is nothing ...really...
we had longer than that and people either went back to their hotels, went out for a coffee or whatever, went to the bar that was at the reception hall, went back to someone's house- they will figure it out.
Photoraphs are VERY important and I too did not want to miss the cocktail hour!

Do what you want-don't stress it! Guests that really don't want to be burdened with the minor one hour might not attend the ceremony. Are you okay with that?
SusiBtoM Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

An hour between ceremony and CH is nothing for anyone to gripe about.

Guests ned to understand that while it may be down time for them, the bridal couple is busy with pics, getting ready for the reception, doing other stuff than just 'hanging out'.
They should be happy that the gap is not 4 hours like some of the weddings I've been to.
Kelly79 Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

Some people do not understand that it is YOUR WEDDING!!!!

You do what accomodates you and your FH.

Everyone else unfortunately will have to deal with it.

Honestly, an hour is the standard time from the Church and the beginning of the CH.

Remember....it is your day, and your day only!!

MissAngel Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

Thank you so, SO much ladies...I thought that 1-2 hours was pretty standard too, so we really didn't think that it would be a problem, but I just wanted to make sure that we weren't the only ones who felt that way...I guess that I just needed the reassurance. We've been more worried about the start time being too early for some people, which is what I suspect her real problem is with anway. I honestly think that she just doesn't want to get up so early in the AM to get ready, but that she doesn't want to say that, so she made up another issue that seemed less selfish...but that's just my opinion

It's so hard, she's really great when it comes to everything else & I consider her a friend, but when it comes to this wedding stuff, she does get totally 'insane' (lol) & I have a hard time handling her...I try to let a lot roll, because in the grand scheme of things I know that it's only 1 day...but, man does she make it hard for me sometimes!!

All of your suggestions about how to occupy everyone is a big help too...my parent's are going to be with us the whole time for the pics so they won't be able to host anything, but checking to see if the hall will let the early arrivals in for a drink or two is a great idea. We're doing all of our pics there, but maybe we can work something out we're we all won't run into each other...
DandS Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

I totally agree with your decision. For our wedding the Church was at 2pm and the cocktail hour didn't start until 6pm. To be honest with you I don't know if anyone said anything (not one person said anything to us so I think everyone was ok with it) but both DH & I wanted the time to take our pictures and we both wanted to attend our CH. So this was a decision we made and we were very happy with it. We had our ceremony from 2-3, receiving line until about 3:15, then pictures at the Church with our family until about 4. Then we went off to the catering hall and got their around 4:20. Once we arrived we went to the Bridal Suite to get a drink and then we went to take some pictures. We took pictures until about 5:15pm and then went back to the suite to eat something. Then around 5:45pm we went to the reception room to take some pictures and then back to the main level of the building to take a few more family photo's. By 6:20pm we were done with pictures and we went to our CH until 7:10pm. We were brought upstairs and then the CH broke at 7:20pm (we had an hour and a half). Once everyone was in the room we did our entrance. The day was absolutely perfect and was not rushed at all.

I definitely agree with the time in between the ceremony and CH to give yourself time to take pictures. And also because we had the time, all of my little cousins were able to go to the Church and then the parents had more than enough time to bring them home, get ready for the wedding and get their kids ready for the babysitters. Because you have an earlier ceremony if I was a guest I would rather the time so that I could get ready after the ceremony for the reception, rather than getting ready and being dressed by 9:30am. If you want to go to your CH, the time is definitely needed to take pictures, relax and eat. Don't regret your decision!!!
October Bliss Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

IGNORE THE FMIL!!! My ceremony was at 2:30, CH started at 7:00PM @ 45 minute drive. Everyone managed just fine.

ML110 Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

i don't think the time between ceremony and reception isn't too big of a deal (we had an hour and half for ours)... for me i think it would be having to be there at 9:30 on a saturday BUT, i think maybe your guests will just come to the ceremony less dressed up than they normally would, and then use the time btween ceremony and reception to go to the hotel and get dressed up for the reception.

have you thought about taking pictuers before the ceremony?? our friends did this- they had an 11 AM ceremony... they had the BP meet up early and took pictures from 9-11 before the ceremony. they got some amazing shots of the bride and groom seeing each other for the first time, and the brides hair and make up had JUST been done, so it looked awesome for the pictures. maybe you could take pictures like like 9-10:30, have the ceremony at 10:30 and then by the time everyone drives to the reception, it will be time for it to start... just another idea otherwise, i say do what you want= its your day!
Tori9299 Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

So far it looks like I'm doing a 2 or 230 church and a 7or 730 CH. I want time to take pics with my FH and family.

alison1daland Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

Many guests appreciate time in between because they can go to the ceremony, then go home and change into reception clothes and have hair and makeup done, and stuff. also gives time to run errands or do other things, instead of taking a whole 4, 5, 6, or 7 hour block out of their day.

magbride Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

60-70 minutes is not a big deal. I have over 3 hours (well, less considering the time it will take to drive to the RH).
A lot of our guests are from LI so will be able to go home and change/freshen up, etc. For those who live further away on LI or OOT, we're thinking about a hospitality suite at the hotel. Plus, we're going to take pictures at FH's parents house who have an amazing water view, so I'm sure FMIL will welcome those w/o a place to go.
Drv0716 Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

Honestly I don't think an hour is a big deal at all. Our ceremony is at 11am & our CH starts at 1pm. The ceremony should end around 11:30 & it takes just about 30 minutes to get to the RH. So that means the guests will have 45mins- 1 hour that they'll have to entertain themselves.

oldladybride Posted:

Re: Time between the ceremony & reception (a little long)

you might want to check with your RH to see if they allow guests to come early. My place actually told us when we booked that although our CH starts at 6 guests could come at 5 and would be offered champagne!! that should make the wait easier!

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