I need some insight and wisdom here, ladies!! I've been friends with this girl for the past 6 years and I'm going back and forth as to whether or not I should ask her to be a BM. I had thought about it once before and had decided not to. However, due to recent events I'm revisiting the idea.
Here's the story: I have been working for this company for the past 6 years where I met this girl, who was dating someone we work with. Two years ago they got engaged, but there were no real plans made for a wedding. Meanwhile, the company hired my FH; we met, started to date, and got engaged. Now my friend's engagement has just been broken off, and obviously she's hurting. The 4 of us still work together, but I think she's looking into getting another job bc it pains her too much to stay here.
She's been there for me when I was dealing with my ex-boyfriends and so, of course, I'd like to be there for her. My question is, do you think I should ask her to be a BM? On one hand, I think it will get her mind off of her prior relationship and will help her to think happy thoughts and move on. Or I'm afraid that it will depress her even more since she was supposed to be getting married too.
Plus, I just found out that her lil bro is now engaged to a girl that her & her family don't like. They're planning their wedding a month after mine. I don't know if she's going to be asked to be a BM.
I'm torn and don't know what to do. Please shed some light on this!!! TIA! Sorry so long!
MayBride06
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
Cin, that is tough! Your wedding is still a long while off, can you still see yourself being friend with her in June? If she were to leve your job tomorrow, would you still talk to her? If no to any of these questions, I would say do not have her in. It also may remind her of the fact that she was planning a wedding but it is now called off. i would say no!
stephanief
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
I think it is nice that you want to ask her. I personally would like to get my mind off the 'ex' so I would like to be in someone's wedding party. I would ask her like this 'I know you are hurting right now but I would be honored if you would be one of my bridesmaids' tell her you understand if she would feel uncomfortable but you would love to have her as an important part of your special day. The worst she can say in no. Good luck
kellwolfe
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
Tough call.....i have to say listen to your heart .....and talk to her ....give her the choice and let her know that you would love to have her in your special day and the reasons why - but with so much going on in her life you understand if she isnt up to it and that it doesnt change your friendship......
denise2006
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
I would say only if you guys are really close and you can't imagine her not being in it.
SIBride06
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
Hey Cindy..
I was in the same situation a while ago. You have to really think things over. If your friendship is so strong that you see your friendship growing long after your wedding, I'd say go for it. its your bridal party.. it is extremely important to have people there that you truly want by your side on the most important day of your life. If you keep contemplating, ask her to be in it. If anything you can always make her a part of your day by asking her to do a reading or something like that. In my situation, I ended up NOT asking a friend I was thinking of asking, and Im kind of glad I didnt because although we were close for many years.. lost touch for about 3 years and then started talking again, I never see the girl, nor does she make an effort to even see me. Same situation for a girl I did ask... It was a girl I grew up with.. we were very close at one point and now we arent that close anymore. I asked her to be in my BP, and now I kind of regret it because we just arent that close anymore. So, needless to say, you can see that I have been through this before. you need to really think about it before you ask. I made the mistake of asking one girl whos in my BP and now I cant reverse and ask her to drop out.
Lots of luck, and I really hope you made the right decision.
LuvMyFH
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
This is a tuff one. You obviously decided not to put her in the wedding party are you now wanting to put her in because you feel bad or because of all the time you are spending with her?
It's really a tuff answer do with what you feel is right. If she leave and you are no longer co-workers do you see the both of you still hanging out? Do you think you will be friends with her in 5 years from now?
It actually may be a burden on her if she is in two weddings a month apart.
If you want her in your wedding party give her the option tell her you understand her situation and that you won't be hurt if she decides not to be a BM.
cindyandkevin
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
Thanks for your input girls!!!!!!!!!! But I'm bumping to for the night crew!!
july06bride
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
i dont think you should ask her if the major reason is because you want to get her mind off of her troubles... personally if i were in her situation recently broke off an engagement i wouldnt want to be involved in someones elses, so soon after , it would hurt me too much.
HOWever, IF you couldnt imagine her not being in it and you would feel bad NOT having her than ask... BUT then i also wonder why you didnt do it to begin with...
ok enough rambling... in my opinion, no i wouldnt ask, but go with your gut, you know yourself and her best good luck
October Bliss
Posted:
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Re: To ask or not to ask, that is the question
I would look at the reasons you decided against it when you first thought of asking her. If the reasons for excluding her to begin with are still valid, then I would say stick with that decision.
