Yours truly request some 'food for thought' from some Brides like yourselves who are going through Brides Maids, friendship and family drama! I'm getting the hint, no wedding planning comes without mixed emotions and drama!
Anyhoot...
I asked one of my good friends to be a Bridesmaid in my wedding. She is going through some financial situation and I totally understood and offered to pay for her dress, shoes, etc. And even told her she didn't have to worry about hotel accomodations because my family and I had her back! So I received an email from her last night and it was a long one. To sum it up, she basically said at this time she's going through a financial crisis and emotionally she can't be happy for me right now since she's going through her own personal things and she doesn't feel comfortable committing to being my Bridesmaid. However, she said she'll still come to my wedding as a guest and if I need any help with the wedding don't hesitate to ask her.
Here's my dilemma.... If she just ranted about her financial woes, etc...How can you then 'afford' to come to my wedding as a guest. She doesn't have a car, so she'll have to pay a cab, etc to come to the wedding.
My solution to this is, not inviting her at all to my wedding. Because like she stated in her email, if she can't be happy for me because of her emotions, why come to my wedding period? Also, why overwhelm her with my wedding when I may have to chase her down to see if she's coming or not, so that my plate pp is covered? I feel she was not being a true friend, supporting me on my biggest day, when I even offered to help her out financially.
Am I wrong for not wanting to invite her?
Thanks for hearing my vents guys!
LadyReeRee
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
It sounds like she's really depressed about her financial situation. She probably feels guilty having you and your family pay for her dress/shoes/hotel/etc... If I were you, I would still invite her. I'm sure she would be happier for you if her situation wasn't as bad as it is. If she is a true friend, you would want her there if she could pay for her plate or not.
LadyBuggz
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Thanks for the advice! ;o)
amandap
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
I would still invite her. A lot could change in the time from now to your wedding date. Things could become better for her. As LadyReeRee said, if she is truly your friend you would want her there regardless if she could pay her plate or not. I am dealing with a few people like that also and I just invited them knowing they probably wouldn't be able to afford to pay per plate. It's the presence of the people that you care about that matters :) Hope this helps
LadyBuggz
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Re: To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Posted by amandap
I would still invite her. A lot could change in the time from now to your wedding date. Things could become better for her. As LadyReeRee said, if she is truly your friend you would want her there regardless if she could pay her plate or not. I am dealing with a few people like that also and I just invited them knowing they probably wouldn't be able to afford to pay per plate. It's the presence of the people that you care about that matters :) Hope this helps
I understand what you guys are saying. I don't know. I just got the weird feeling that she's not really happy for me in regards to my wedding. I wasn't worried so much about her paying for her plate, because that was a given. I just felt she kind of contradicted herself in the email.
But I will definitely give it some thought!
Thanks again!
MarryTheNight24
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
If I were you I would still invite her. You did all you could to include her in your day and it seems shes in a bad place right now. Send her an invitation and she can make a decision to come or not. I also agree with amandap...your wedding is more than a year away and a lot of things could change between then and now.
jsh109
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
It's understandable that being a bridesmaid is financially difficult for her. But I would still invite her so that you don't jeopardize your friendship. Hopefully, things will get better for her by the time of your wedding so that she can be truly happy for you.
LadyBuggz
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Thank you! You brides have such kindred souls! It's refreshing to see that nowadays. ;o)
Soon2BeMrsMango
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Honestly, I would still invite. I would put myself in her shoes. Imagine how hard it was to probably write that email. It was probably eating her up. It seems she would rather be a good honest friends rather then be in a bridesmaid position that she couldn't stand up to. Many things can change from now until 9/14
LadyBuggz
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Re: To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
LadyBuggz
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Re: To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango
Honestly, I would still invite. I would put myself in her shoes. Imagine how hard it was to probably write that email. It was probably eating her up. It seems she would rather be a good honest friends rather then be in a bridesmaid position that she couldn't stand up to. Many things can change from now until 9/14
ladygoodman
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Re: To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango
Honestly, I would still invite. I would put myself in her shoes. Imagine how hard it was to probably write that email. It was probably eating her up. It seems she would rather be a good honest friends rather then be in a bridesmaid position that she couldn't stand up to. Many things can change from now until 9/14
I totally agree
LadyBuggz
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Thanks again ladies for your advice! You guys rock! ;o)
sgf2
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To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
I agree with the girls, I would still invite her. It doesn't sound like she took this decision lightly. And to be honest, I don't think you should worry about if she can 'afford' to come to your wedding. Let her make that decision when the time comes. It's a lot less money to give a gift than all the expenses related to being in the wedding party.
I have a similar situation, but my bridesmaid just keeps complaining how she has no money, but doesn't back out even though I've given her multiple opportunities. I love her and want her to be in my party, but I'd rather have her there as a fun guest than as a miserable bridesmaid.
Show her some understanding and tell her that you're so sorry she had to make this decision and you know she didnt make it lightly. And reassure her that you're there to help her through, as LadyReeRee so aptly put it, her depression (maybe don't use tha word, but that's what it sounds like), and tell her that although you were hurt by her saying she can't be happy for you, you know she didnt mean it in a mean or hurtful way.
If she was close enough to ask to be a bridesmaid, this doesn't seem like something to end the friendship over, which not inviting her would do
Good luck!!
LadyBuggz
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Re: To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
Posted by sgf2
I agree with the girls, I would still invite her. It doesn't sound like she took this decision lightly. And to be honest, I don't think you should worry about if she can 'afford' to come to your wedding. Let her make that decision when the time comes. It's a lot less money to give a gift than all the expenses related to being in the wedding party.
I have a similar situation, but my bridesmaid just keeps complaining how she has no money, but doesn't back out even though I've given her multiple opportunities. I love her and want her to be in my party, but I'd rather have her there as a fun guest than as a miserable bridesmaid.
Show her some understanding and tell her that you're so sorry she had to make this decision and you know she didnt make it lightly. And reassure her that you're there to help her through, as LadyReeRee so aptly put it, her depression (maybe don't use tha word, but that's what it sounds like), and tell her that although you were hurt by her saying she can't be happy for you, you know she didnt mean it in a mean or hurtful way.
If she was close enough to ask to be a bridesmaid, this doesn't seem like something to end the friendship over, which not inviting her would do
Good luck!!
LadyBuggz
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Re: To Invite OR De-Invite....That is the question!
I actually spoke to my friend today! She IM'd me for some advice about some issues she's having. I giggled as I responded to her with some advice. It's something about girlfriends...you argue, disagree or battle it out at times but in the end, you can't live without them.
In regards to my wedding, I told her not to worry about it. I actually told her this last night when I responded back. I just had some inner feelings this morning and needed to sorted out some opinions, including from family and close friends.
