Tonight FH and I are going over his mom's to talk and straighten things out between all of us..
She has a history of being very demanding and saying uncalled for things.. when she says she wants us to come over more she wants this she wants that.. what can i come back with that will show her I'm firm but still nice. I was thinking.. about saying.. well, it goes both ways you can pick up the phone too..
There are many things that have made me feel uncomfortable about going over there to visit so I have not gone b/c I don't need the verbal abuse or feelings that I'm unwelcomed. (this has been going on for three years now). tonight we will resolve these issues.. but I also know she can be very manipulative..
Can I have some support ladies?!! THanks!![]()
UPDATE: Once we got there, I gave flowers to his grandmother b/c she has cancer and is not doing well. His mom had cooked so we had dinner. At coffee time, was when things were brought up. She initiated it. First I felt her tone to be quite edgy and I felt my blood boiling. I let her finish what she had to say. What she said was that all she asks of us is to call and offer to help her out with his grandmother...that she wants a family and that's that. She then hands me a giftbag of which she says I would have given this to you on your birthday had I been able to see you. (not her exact words) My birthday was back in April. She knows where we live, she knows our number. My response was, well you know the number to the house, you can always call and you didn't call for my birthday...she says she calls and the voice mail always comes on. I said no you don't b/c we have caller ID and if I saw you call, I would pick up and if we are not home you could leave a message and that's another thing.. when you do call once in a blue moon you leave a message for FH and never mention me, like as if I don't even live there. It's always Hi ___ it's mom call me. I let her know the difference when my family calls if we are not there they leave messages like Hi guys, or hi so and so hope you are doing well, give us a call. They acknowledge US. That was a little thing so my feelings were brought to the table about her comments to me in the past and how unwelcoming I have always felt by her resulting in me not coming to visit them in months b/c of it. She asked how come I never came to her and told her I was offended by these comments, I told her that I always hoped she would just come around and it would blow off but it never did. I am not going to go on and on.. it was a long convo. No yelling or anything - just me being honest and open about how I felt and how she felt. At one point my FH stopped her in the begining and let her know she kinda needed to calm her tone down. I was firm and not going to let her try to get to me. I think she noticed that right off the bat. She said something in the begining like ' I'm his mother and that will never change, you don't have a choice' So my response was I laughed and said and I am going to be his WIFE and you don't have a choice either! She had no response to that we just kept on talking. The grandmother sat there quiet and just listened. (She is very ill with cancer and all she wants is everyone to be at peace with one another before she passes).. All in all, a resolution was made. She finally spoke to me about my wedding (after a over a year of her never mentioning it) asking me if I had a ring pillow and if I didn't she would like to give me the pillow FH carried down the aisle at her second wedding.. I said that's fine. I appreciated that.
The night went on very well and the air was cleared. I took her hand and his grandmothers hand and I said 'Are we cool now? Are we going to play nice with eachother and be loving to one another'? His grandma got up -it takes her a lot to get up out of her chair b/c she is weak :( she hugs me and was crying,she tells me she is happy now and she can feel at peace with this situation. His mother agreed and we all hugged eachother.
I am happy it is a new start and we can now move forward. Thanks as always girls for the support and for taking the time in reading this.![]()
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There are many things that have made me feel uncomfortable about going over there to visit so I have not gone b/c I don't need the verbal abuse or feelings that I'm unwelcomed. (this has been going on for three years now). tonight we will resolve these issues.. but I also know she can be very manipulative..
Can I have some support ladies?!! THanks!
UPDATE: Once we got there, I gave flowers to his grandmother b/c she has cancer and is not doing well. His mom had cooked so we had dinner. At coffee time, was when things were brought up. She initiated it. First I felt her tone to be quite edgy and I felt my blood boiling. I let her finish what she had to say. What she said was that all she asks of us is to call and offer to help her out with his grandmother...that she wants a family and that's that. She then hands me a giftbag of which she says I would have given this to you on your birthday had I been able to see you. (not her exact words) My birthday was back in April. She knows where we live, she knows our number. My response was, well you know the number to the house, you can always call and you didn't call for my birthday...she says she calls and the voice mail always comes on. I said no you don't b/c we have caller ID and if I saw you call, I would pick up and if we are not home you could leave a message and that's another thing.. when you do call once in a blue moon you leave a message for FH and never mention me, like as if I don't even live there. It's always Hi ___ it's mom call me. I let her know the difference when my family calls if we are not there they leave messages like Hi guys, or hi so and so hope you are doing well, give us a call. They acknowledge US. That was a little thing so my feelings were brought to the table about her comments to me in the past and how unwelcoming I have always felt by her resulting in me not coming to visit them in months b/c of it. She asked how come I never came to her and told her I was offended by these comments, I told her that I always hoped she would just come around and it would blow off but it never did. I am not going to go on and on.. it was a long convo. No yelling or anything - just me being honest and open about how I felt and how she felt. At one point my FH stopped her in the begining and let her know she kinda needed to calm her tone down. I was firm and not going to let her try to get to me. I think she noticed that right off the bat. She said something in the begining like ' I'm his mother and that will never change, you don't have a choice' So my response was I laughed and said and I am going to be his WIFE and you don't have a choice either! She had no response to that we just kept on talking. The grandmother sat there quiet and just listened. (She is very ill with cancer and all she wants is everyone to be at peace with one another before she passes).. All in all, a resolution was made. She finally spoke to me about my wedding (after a over a year of her never mentioning it) asking me if I had a ring pillow and if I didn't she would like to give me the pillow FH carried down the aisle at her second wedding.. I said that's fine. I appreciated that.
The night went on very well and the air was cleared. I took her hand and his grandmothers hand and I said 'Are we cool now? Are we going to play nice with eachother and be loving to one another'? His grandma got up -it takes her a lot to get up out of her chair b/c she is weak :( she hugs me and was crying,she tells me she is happy now and she can feel at peace with this situation. His mother agreed and we all hugged eachother.
I am happy it is a new start and we can now move forward. Thanks as always girls for the support and for taking the time in reading this.
