:-/

i just found out one of my college friends is getting divorced ... i feel really bad for him ... he just told me over AIM.

apparently, his wife wants kids, and he doesn't. he sounds really sad because he then said 'otherwise, we get along really well' ... obviously kids (or lack thereof) are important but it's sad that everything else is great with them.




ETA: sorry if this is a 'downer' kinda post

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Posted by jilliibabii

Awww that's sad. Sorry for your friend. But shouldn't they have discussed this before getting married? My cousin got divorced 2 years ago for the same reason!

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Yeah thats what I was thinking. That was something FH and I talked about a longgggg time ago......if he wasn't interested or wanting to have kids, the relationship would have ended there. I am sorry for your friend though!!!!

That is definitely a dealbreaker. I'm sorry they didn't figure this out before. Either way, it's a difficult, sad situation and I'll send him my good vibes

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Posted by GiannisWifey

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Posted by jilliibabii

Awww that's sad. Sorry for your friend. But shouldn't they have discussed this before getting married? My cousin got divorced 2 years ago for the same reason!

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Yeah thats what I was thinking. That was something FH and I talked about a longgggg time ago......if he wasn't interested or wanting to have kids, the relationship would have ended there. I am sorry for your friend though!!!!

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oh i totally agree ... i don't really know, to tell you the truth ... i don't want to ask and hurt his feelings or whatnot.

i hope all the other LIWers have spoken to their FHs about this sort of thing, though!

this is a BIG conversation MUST to have before the wedding!!

and who knows maybe they DID talk about it and one of them changed their mind.

but this, for me, would be a deal breaker.

if FH said he didn't want kids... i'd walk away. end of story.

Ironic post b/c I just got back from cousin's wedding in FL (it was her second). She was recently divorced for same reason but sadly, her first husband actually changed his mind about kids--they always thought they'd have them. She's only 30 so she has all the time in the world to have children with her new husband.

This happens sometimes--sometimes people even change their mind and think children aren't that important to them and realize they actually are...sad.

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Posted by weddingbees

this is a BIG conversation MUST to have before the wedding!!

and who knows maybe they DID talk about it and one of them changed their mind.

but this, for me, would be a deal breaker.

if FH said he didn't want kids... i'd walk away. end of story.

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Definitely. It's the opposite for us; if FH wanted kids, I'd have to walk away. Especially if he wanted them soon. Gotta be on the same side of the fence with this topic. We've talked about kids and since we don't want them (at least not anytime soon), we've also discussed the 'what if?' scenarios. We see eye-to-eye on the topic.

But who knows...people change. And maybe this couple saw eye-to-eye on the issue before they got married. In any event, it's really sad.

sometimes people just change. FH and i are super excited and enthusiastic about kids so i know neither of us could ever change. but some people are iffy and agree to it beforehand but are never really passionate about it and change their minds. really sad though... sorry for your friend.

this is unfortunate but it happens...feelings and opinions on children CAN and DO change over the years...

I saw this first hand with my ex co-worker's brother. He and his wife got married in 2000 right in front of the Macy's window in Herald Square (they won some type of contest and their wedding got featured in the NY Daily News or something). They were both around the same age (she was 29, he was 32) and lived what everyone thought was a 'perfect' lifestyle in Hoboken, NJ.

I found out last year that the wife filed for divorce in 2009 (she's now 37/38) and the reason is because she wants kids and he still doesn't. I think she didn't want kids at first but then over the years, changed her mind and hoped her husband would be open to that idea. Sadly, he doesn't want them and both of them finalized their divorce and now live alone...

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Posted by FutureMrsLMS
They were both around the same age (she was 29, he was 32) and lived what everyone thought was a 'perfect' lifestyle in Hoboken, NJ.

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how could anyone live a perfect life in NJ...?!??!?!! j/k

it's pretty unfortunate that some people don't think about what they need / want before getting married.