I am in a really tough spot and just wanted to vent and maybe get some advice from those who may be in a similar situation. When FH and I first got engaged we didn't plan our wedding because we didn't have any money. My dad said that he would be willing to give us xx amount. So when I came back from a long trip, we decided we could start planning since pops had the money. So we booked our hall and started planning.Well when it came down to us having to pay a monthly payment and I went back to ask my dad for the money he said I wasn't expecting to pay until a few months before the wedding. From the beginning my mom has always offered to pay for the invitations. So fine my dad has to come up with some money he says starting on xx date I should be able to give you $400 a month. Fine. Still not getting a penny. Let me remind you that they pay for everything my younger sister asks for, she is out at college working yet doesn't have any money for gas, I find that funny. So now FH is so pissed (he has every right to be) that my parents have yet to give us a cent after they have promised us all this time. He said if they try to give us any money we are not taking it. I think any money regardless of when it comes will help us pay for this. And I know that his parents (they did put the deposit for us) aren't responsible for paying but are much better off financially than my parents are and they haven't even offered a dime either after they know that we both work to pay for this (me 2 jobs) and go to school. So now I guess what do I do? I know my parents will be hurt if I don't take their money but FH is so adamant about not taking anything from them.
holly231
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Re: Tough Situation
IF you parents are welling to give money, take it...Don't 'cut your nose to spite your face' on this one....
While you might not wanna hear this, your FH should calm down a little bit..whether you notice it or not, he is in a sense, making you choose between your parents generosity and his thoughts....
Sorry to say it, but you guys really have no control over your parents...and what they contribute...and if you are willing and are planning to, don;t reject it..its their small way of helping...andy as far as wedding planning goes, any penny helps!
Hope this helps!
cluelessbride
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Re: Tough Situation
Maybe your parents were in some kind of bind that you don't know about. I would give them the benefit of the doubt and take the $!
SandraLynn
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Re: Tough Situation
My dad said he would give me XX amount of dollars, (he lives in Florida)...he said he'd mail it tomorrow..Well 'tomorrow' became 4 weeks of me asking, calling, wondering, getting angry, hurt, and so on...Then my FI said not to call or take the money....My father has the $$$, but it is like pulling theeth getting it! I was hurt that he just couldn't write the check and mail it...Well, you know what, it arrived, and I am glad it was late, b/c we had to use it for an unexpected expense !!! So that all worked out well in the end. It is hard when they have the control over the $...you don't want to beg, but heck, why add the stress onto us...Good luck.
suven
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Re: Tough Situation
I think that I handle things a little differently than most of us brides.
Fi and I are pretty independent. If he wants to take $ from his mom, I leave it up to him and vice versa.
In My Opinion, you should have gotten the $ BEFORE making plans. I saw a similiar situation happen to one of my close friends and he got royally SCREWED becuase his wife's mom got mad and decided to not give them anything...(this was after they made plans and signed contracts based upon the $ that they were promised)
Just be careful.
SandraLynn
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Re: Tough Situation
It's a bit sad that one has to be 'careful' w/ their own parents....But getting the $$ prior is a good thought.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Tough Situation
I would still take it. I am trying to view any contributions from my parents as a pleasant surprise, but not counting on it. My parents had a somewhat sticky divorce, so my father (who has $ to spare) is not giving $ to spite my mother (who does not have much $ to spare), because he knows she would try to help out if he doesn't come through. Do all you can to pay for it yourselves, but don't forget to be appreciative for anything he gives you, regardless of when or how you get it.
Ang&Rich
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Re: Tough Situation
Take the money! It's being offered as a sincere gesture and to refuse your parents would be a slap in the face. You should definitely talk to you FH about this - you don't want to start fighting with your parents over something like this - you'll regret it. Enjoy your wedding and let your parents help you out. Unless of course your FH has another solution for coming up with the money I don't see why he would let stubborn pride get in the way of things.
JMO
Kriss2c
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Re: Tough Situation
Posted by holly231
IF you parents are welling to give money, take it...Don't 'cut your nose to spite your face' on this one....
While you might not wanna hear this, your FH should calm down a little bit..whether you notice it or not, he is in a sense, making you choose between your parents generosity and his thoughts....
Sorry to say it, but you guys really have no control over your parents...and what they contribute...and if you are willing and are planning to, don;t reject it..its their small way of helping...andy as far as wedding planning goes, any penny helps!
Hope this helps!
I agree.
JimmysBride
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Re: Tough Situation
This is a life lesson that I guess everyone has to go through. I wouldn't count on someone else to give me money until I had it in my hands, regardless of who they are. Especially in this case, this money is a gift and you should take whatever you can get whenever you get and be grateful. No one HAS to give you money for your wedding and anything could happen to them financially and they may not be able to come up with what they promised and genuinely intended to give. And it doesn't matter how much money your FILs have either. You and your FH should be thankful for whatever help you get.
nferrandi
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Re: Tough Situation
I think you should take the money as a gift. Don't look at it as them helping topay for the wedding, because you and FH are doing that on your own. When and if you get the money, think of it as a generous wedding gift.
Julestrd
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Re: Tough Situation
Thanks for all your help girls. FH also has this idea that when we do take the maybe couple hundred bucks my parents give that my dad will go around and say 'Yea I helped pay for this wedding!'
MrsBrad
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Re: Tough Situation
Well, let him say it then. But you should really call your dad and explain how upset you are and how without the money you can lose everything. Or have your sister ask for the money and give it to you . Either way - good luck and take the mula.
Julestrd
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Re: Tough Situation
Posted by MrsBrad
Well, let him say it then. But you should really call your dad and explain how upset you are and how without the money you can lose everything. Or have your sister ask for the money and give it to you . Either way - good luck and take the mula.
That is so funny I should ask my sister to ask for it. I am going to take the money from my parents. FH says that if I do he wants nothing to do with it. That's fine, I will pay off the bills I already have from the wedding.
september2004
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Re: Tough Situation
Posted by suven
I think that I handle things a little differently than most of us brides.
Fi and I are pretty independent. If he wants to take $ from his mom, I leave it up to him and vice versa.
In My Opinion, you should have gotten the $ BEFORE making plans. I saw a similiar situation happen to one of my close friends and he got royally SCREWED becuase his wife's mom got mad and decided to not give them anything...(this was after they made plans and signed contracts based upon the $ that they were promised)
Just be careful.
you and me both...
FH and i created a budget with $$ in the bank. i always have an 'emergency fund'...
