First - my FI are from TOTALLY different backgrounds!! TOTALLY!!
My Mother, who is old-school (paying for %90) says that it's the bride and her family that dictate how the wedding should be (so far Mom and I are on the same track).
Now my FI and his parents say basically if they put the money up for extra guests etc. that we (my mom and I) can't say anything. There's several things my FI's family want that I don't want.
I don't think that their money (and other factors) should guilt me into things I DON'T want.
FI and I have already made some serious compromises!
Has it changed from the 'brides day' to who can pay and get what they want even though I don't want it??
Has wedding tradition become whom ever has the most $$ - then they can dictate what they want regardless of MY feelings???
jpdagame
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
What is it that they want that you are so against?
NO, i think it is all about the two of you. No matter who puts up the money the both of you need to be happy. You are the only important people in this days events. Thats why I am glad, the only reason I am glad, that we are paying for everything because now we do it OUR way.
nferrandi
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Money shouldn't allow your FILs to dictate the way things have to be, but since they are contributing, they do have the right to request certain things. You should probably try your best to compromise on some things, but if you're really opposed to other things than you need to put your foot down. If the mony they're putting in is simply to pay for extra guests, than they really have little right to get involved with things they have nothing to do with financially. Just try to take a deep breath and keep the peace, it will be better in the long run. Just don't let anyone force you to do something you don't want to.
NYCHICK
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Well I don't think you should be looking at it as 'the bride's day' it is you and your fh's day, he will be having memeories of it also. I also think it is fair that they have a say in how their money is spent..Cold hard truth about NY weddings, money can be seen as the be all and end all.......sad but true. I think you have more compromises to come so brace yourself. What kinds of things do they want to do that you don't
MissM
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
The Reader Digest version :
I always wanted a small intimate affair (never imagined a 'Cinderella' wedding).
Booked the place of my dreams (with FI's OK - they can hold 190 MAX), then found out that my FI's parents are used to a 'typical wedding' that, for them is 400-500 people!!
skew
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
typical wedding for them is 400-500ppl?
as others said, it is YOUR day. you and your FI should not feel obligated to meet the needs/demands of others.
August2004
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Someone contributing towards the day should be considered a gift, not a way of them getting what they want out of your and FI's wedding day. If they are willing to pay for extra guests, then I would allow that but they should not be giving money so they can do it their way.
nferrandi
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Just a stab in the dark, is your FH family Italian?! lol!
MegLehner
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Posted by nferrandi
Just a stab in the dark, is your FH family Italian?! lol!
??? Dont get it ??? What does that mean? Big wedding?
skew
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Posted by MegLehner
Posted by nferrandi
Just a stab in the dark, is your FH family Italian?! lol!
??? Dont get it ??? What does that mean? Big wedding?
probably meaning that traditionally, italians have very large families.
= BIG wedding
nferrandi
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
That's exactly what I meant. I'm half-Italian and FH is 100%, his mother's initial guest list scared the cr$p our of me. lol! We're hoping to keep our wedding at 200 and that's kind of on the small side for Italian weddings. Our guest list could have easily been 400 people, but we cut it down.
MissM
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
skew I can't figure out how to poste a quote.
So I'm crazy over here!!
MissM
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Am I wrong - his family did exactly what they wanted for his sister's wedding.
Now it's mine - and I think I should have a huge say (with my FH), no matter who is paying (and I'm not a total witch) All I so want participation from my FMIL family
I don't want this day to be a disappointment
August2004
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
Sorry to post again, but of course you should have a HUGE say. It is your and your FI's wedding day and no one else's. You don't want to look back in twenty years and still be annoyed over things that you wanted.
Put your foot down, but put it down 'gently'.
If your someone who has a hard time doing this, trust me, from experience I can tell you it gets a lot easier !!
chris605
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
I dont think it should be a money factor -
bride2B04
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Re: Traditional VS Modern VENT and question
no matter who contributes you AND Fh should always have the final say (IMO) you BOTH have to be happy with everything! I beleive that if I choose to help my daughter (when she is of age........long time away) pay for something lets say i choose the Flowers...thats it i am paying for what she wants to use. i can give my opnion but ultimately is there final choice and if they dont want to understand that then they should not bother helping you pay JMO
