FH has 2 bosses. One the big boss we will call him M, the other a level below, we will call him V...
V was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, has majoy surgieries and chemo, etc over the summer, came back to work in november cancer free, we were all so happy (FH and I work together so I know him also!). We are inviting both M and V to wedding, knowing the V still might not come, he still has some stregnth to regain.
Yesterday we found out the cancer is back and they gave V no more than 3 months to live. We don't want to insult them by no inviting them, even tho we know he won't come at this point, we are happy to send the invite, but we did have a fundraiser for them this summer and i would feel bad if they sent us a gift, etc. We know they need all the $$ they can get, especially cause he will leave behind a wife and 2 teenaged kids. Do you think we should not send the invite?
AwaitingAugust
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Wow that's a really horrible situation I'm so sorry for your boss
You should definitely send him an invitation, though ... he's still alive and doesn't deserve to be outcast for this (even though you have good intentions)
If he gives you a check, just don't cash it
MisyMiss32
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Wow....that is so difficult. With everything considered I would definitely STILL send the invitation and give the family the chance to decline or accept on their own. I am so very sorry for all this...my prayers are with him and his family.
StaceyWill
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Oh that’s so sad!! My heart goes out to him and his family!!!!!!! I think you should still send him an invite though, out of respect
AngnShaun
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Posted by AwaitingAugust
Wow that's a really horrible situation I'm so sorry for your boss
You should definitely send him an invitation, though ... he's still alive and doesn't deserve to be outcast for this (even though you have good intentions)
If he gives you a check, just don't cash it
ITA
Future Mrs H
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
1st - I am so sorry to hear about this- so sad
now about the invite- I dont know what I would do. I would love to hear other peoples responses to this.
Can you talk to boss M and ask his opinion on what to do?
regy_k
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
def send the invite. he knows what is best for him, but not sending it would interpret horrible - as if u dont want this horrible thing that is happening to him and his family to do w/ur wedding (just something that my occur to someone) I think it will make him happy and he will appreciate it very much also if he does decide to give u a gift, just politely refuse it and say that no gifts are accepted from bosses (make light of the situation)
FutureCap
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
thanks guys, thats what i was leaning towards. and FH said the same thing last night, if they give us a check, we will not cash it.
it is so terribly sad
christine2010
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
you should deffinettly invite him. but like another poster said if he sends a check just don't cash it.
miamimerger
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
wow, that's def. the trickiest and most difficult invite story i've heard! invite him anyway...it might be hard for him when he sees the date on the invite, but i think it would be more difficult if he didn't get one.
FutureCap
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Posted by Future Mrs H
1st - I am so sorry to hear about this- so sad
now about the invite- I dont know what I would do. I would love to hear other peoples responses to this.
Can you talk to boss M and ask his opinion on what to do?
FH was actually planning to talk to M about it later this week... didn't want to do it right after hearing the news. M is actually very good friends with V outside of work, so we thought he might advise us too.
Lsorrent
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Send the invite. My dad's cousin was recently diagnosed with cancer and told she also may only have a couple months to live. We sent the invite anyway.
jm2010
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
send it ... nobody wants to feel shunned or abandoned when they're ill ... if you're close enough to feel comfortable speaking to him about it, express your intention in sending it ... or take some time to write a letter to include in the family's invite ...
Lil OC
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
aww this is so sad and horrible. so sorry to hear this. I agree with the other girls, I would def still send an invite out of respect, just dont cash the check if he gives you one.
allornil
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
I'd definitely send him one. he needs to see happy things. Leaving him out seems morbid to me
jmgoncal
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
That is awful and I'm so sorry . I would definitely still send the invite out of respect. Honestly, if they are strapped for cash, I don't think they're going to feel obligated to send a gift if they're not going to the wedding.
kimmy02
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Posted by jm2010
send it ... nobody wants to feel shunned or abandoned when they're ill ... if you're close enough to feel comfortable speaking to him about it, express your intention in sending it ... or take some time to write a letter to include in the family's invite ...
i completely agree... was goingto say the same thing. horrible situation.
MrsSx2
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
Wow, you're not kidding that is tricky!! I agree with the girls above, invite him, but don't accept a gift if they give you one.
How sad!
GR2010
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
I am so sorry, this is such a sad situation!!!!
I say send the invite. It might lift his spirits and if by some chance he is able to make it all the better for him to be able to experience the happiest day of someones life with them while he's going through this very tough time.
If they give a gift maybe it will be a check and you can just not cash it or if it's cash you can send it back in the form of an anonymous donation.
GracieJMay2010
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Re: tricky invite situation - long story
So sorry for this. Its really a hard place to be in, and I feel bad for the family.
Send the invite. Let them decide what is right for them. If they send you a gift, that means they want to. If they dont, they dont.
But in this case I would certainly let THEM decided what is right for them.
